Published: 6 Jul 2026

Brownie knows all;

Rumours are akin to confetti thrown at a wedding, being spread with joyous intention although without knowledge where it all will land, only to be discovered days later in every conceivable orifice as a reminder.

Grady may have believed Biff’s idea of an imaginary girlfriend to be a little impractical but agreed it was worth a try. Then as had been considered and on pretence to visit baby Adam, Biff approaches Trish on the matter of Grady’s girlfriend.

“What you propose seems somewhat convoluted,” Trish suggests, “why don’t the two of you simply do your own thing and bugger what people may think?”

“We have to live in this town, imagine what would be said? Being gay is considered three points below having a kid out of marriage and it appears I’ve done both of those.”

Trish agrees as now many months later she still hasn’t been truly accepted back in town, with older women whispering behind hands as she passed by and visits to her parents from the local vicar, also her employment had been terminated with the excuse customers wouldn’t accept a woman with loose morals, even if her position at the Tobacco Board was simply secretarial out of sight of the general public.

“Yes I’m well aware of that one but how would Grady arrange this silly little game of yours?” Trish asks.

“I am thinking through your sister Helen, you could make a suggestion to her in passing, she would certainly repeat it to Lewis and he would find pleasure in telling everyone at the earliest convenient time.”

“Would Lewis break his brother’s confidence that easily?”

“He’d do it in a wink.”

“Your idea may work in the spreading but what if Grady has to produce this imaginary girlfriend to the family?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead as yet.”

“If I agree to this dumb idea, what will be her name and is she from town, if she is local the scam would soon be realised, as the town isn’t big enough to hide such an imaginary girl.”

“I thought we could give her an Italian name and from a farming family, possibly somewhere near Dimbulah; that would give Grady a good excuse to be out of town at nights.”

“A farming family may be associated with David’s business.”

“Then drop the farming.”

“One other problem, you know how religious and protective Italian parents can be, do you believe this so called mystery girlfriend would be aloud sleep-over’s even if they were using separate rooms.”

“True, that is one more thing I hadn’t counted on.”

“Is Karen bios against foreigners?”

“David is definitely bios against anyone with a dark skin or a foreign name; I’m not sure about Karen.”

“If Grady’s mother is also bios that would give her a reason not to invite this imaginary girlfriend to dinner but knowing how she gloats over Grady possibly Karen would invite anyway. Besides how can I work such a scam into general conversation with Helen?”

“Yea, it is starting to appear a little silly.”

“There is another way.” Trish says.

“Go on.”

“You have always wanted to travel, why don’t you both leave town, two men travelling for casual work wouldn’t throw suspicion.”

“Grady would never agree to that, there is also his apprenticeship to consider as he has almost qualified.”

Biff comes away from his meeting with Trish bearing mixed emotions as he hadn’t thought through the idea further than being able to spend more time with Grady.

The passing of a week since Biff introduced his idea to Trish and nothing had come back as rumour even with Lewis visiting Helen on a number of occasions, concluding Trish may have borked at speaking to her sister.

Ten days have passed;

Both Grady and Biff had all but forgotten their little ploy, with Grady stealing hours for his visits to Biff using all kinds of excuses from club meetings of the approaching football season, to working back on some mechanical emergency but such emergencies were rare and if used too frequently may appear a little convoluted. What had become obvious, adults in control of their facilities couldn’t continue acting like love-struck schoolkids without someone noticing the changes. What neither Biff nor Grady could foresee, while they played their little game of pretence, no one except Lewis appeared to be remotely interested but if they continued their change in character and attitude they would become a bright beacon for all to witness.

With the football season but a month away and neither Biff nor Grady agreeing to play pressure begins to mount. True it was well understood Biff would not continue in the new season but Grady was expected to take his most important position on the team and with training commencing a decision is expected.

Friday night’s drinks with the usual gang becomes a pressure point for the boys especially Grady, therefore he agrees to play in principle but his romance with Biff had taken the edge off his usual competitive nature.

First in the group to realise the changes in Grady’s attitude happened to be Michael Brown who had made a number of comments during the evening then when Grady takes a piss-break and while the others are distracted Brownie follows close behind Grady to the toilet.

Grady had consumed more alcohol that usual feeling a little dizzy as he splashed the excess against the back of the urinal; he leans into the wall with his hand as support.

A happy smile in anticipation towards the arranged visit with Biff to top off his evening is soon waylaid while sensing someone is beside him.

A sideward glance;

“Michael,” Grady says.

“When you need to piss you gotta’ go,” Michael Brown says.

‘Then why aren’t you pissing?’ Grady thinks as Michael is standing exposed without action.

“It seems that way.”

Michael is grinning.

“What are you grinning about Brownie?”

“You.”

“And why would I make you grin?”

“You think I don’t know what’s going on between you and Biff.”

The blood drains from Grady’s face as terror halts his flow.

“I don’t know what you’re on about?”

“If I can see what’s going on so can others, you better be careful, if you get that kind of tag in a town like this you can never live it down.”

“Watch your mouth Mick,” Grady growls.

“It isn’t my mouth you have to concern with.”

Grady quickly turns and departs, instead of rejoining the group he is gone from the hotel’s side entrance.

‘Where to now?’ he thinks as he reaches the warm night air.

The alcohol is confusing his judgement, he is standing under strong street lighting, he moves into the shadows as if simply being recognized would give away his secrete.

‘I should go back and warn Biff.’

‘If I do Brownie will be watching and my mood would surely give me away.’

‘No I’ll go to Atherton Street and wait for Biff’s return.’

Biff had become so involved in conversation he lost track of time and it had been at least twenty minutes since Grady went to take a leak. Looking about he sees Brownie who appears to be watching and grinning.

‘He’s like a bloody Cheshire cat,’ Biff thinks as he breaks eye contact.

“Has anyone seen Grady?” Biff asks.

No one admits seeing Grady or appear interested in his whereabouts; that is except Brownie;

“He went for a piss.”

Biff waits a couple of minutes then goes to the toilets.

He returns without result and a quick scan of the bar fails to locate Grady.

Brownie remains attentive;

“What’s up yours Mick,”

“No you that’s a certainty Biff,” Brownie sarcastically replies bringing the small band of friends to pause their conversation.

All eyes are on Brownie believing the exchange between the two to be even more out of context than usual.

Biff is becoming concerned as Grady would never leave without saying anything, especially as they have a previous arrangement.

“I think I’ll call it a night,” Biff declares.

There are nods of acknowledgement but little more except for that bloody grin on Michael Brown’s face.

‘One day Mick – one day.’ Biff thinks as he departs.

‘And that day is coming fast.’

Arriving back at Atherton Street Biff is surprised to discover Grady seated on the stone slab close to the front door.

“What’s up?” Biff softly asks as he approaches; he can see stress on Grady’s face even under the weak street lighting.

“We have a problem.”

“Like what?”

It’s Brownie, he knows.”

Biff commences to laugh;

“Come on inside, we can’t talk on the street.”

Grady follows Biff into the house while waiting for an explanation.

“A beer first,” Biff suggests; “this conversation needs lubricating.”

Grady remains confused, he retires to the living room while Biff fetches the beer.

Moments later Biff is back.

Grady accepts the beer.

“Brownie has always known about me, remember I told you we had something going for a short time many years ago. The trouble being I was never interested in Brownie as he is too much a loose cannon and he couldn’t accept I wasn’t interested, besides I fancied girls back then,” Biff releases a cheeky smile, “as well as you.”

“I do remember you telling me but he knows about us.”

“He thinks he knows, actually he knows Jack-shit about anything.”

“Brownie approached me while I was pissing and said he knew and if he could see what is going on, anyone could.”

“It is true we will need to be careful, even so I think we can manage to keep a lid on it.

“I would still like to spend a night with you instead of an occasional couple of hours.”

“We will I promise you. Has Lewis said anything about your imaginary girlfriend?”

“Not a word.”

“Just as well, it was a silly idea I don’t know why I mentioned it.”

“What about Brownie?”

“I’ve enough shit on him to keep his trap shut.”

A deep sigh from Grady;

“What’s the matter?”

“I feel as if my life is trapped in a world I don’t want and in reality doesn’t want me.”

“I want you Grady.”

“I know that.”

“Then we can want each other and the world can go to buggery.”

Grady laughs;

“At least I got a smile.”

“Biff you are always the sensible one.”

“I have to be and there’s enough sense in me for both of us. Just play it by ear and everything will be just dandy – I promise.”

“That sounds like Ron talking.”

“I guess he is talking through me and he was always right.”

Grady appears to settle;

“Now get ya’ gear off, bugger Brownie or anyone else, we’ve got things to do and little time to do them.”

Christmas had come and gone also the original plan to holiday down at Flying Fish Point due to David moving out, although Grady had heard from the hotel grape-vine David spent some time at the holiday house with his fancy lady. If it happened to be fact or not Grady didn’t relate the gossip to his mother.

With the New Year Lewis commenced working for David, Robyn started her first year of high school and Grady completed his apprenticeship becoming a fully qualified mechanic, while Biff managed to acquire another couple of month’s grace at the Atherton Street house, even so that time is quickly coming to an end.

Grady had all but forgotten Biff’s plan for an imaginary girlfriend, becoming resigned for the present to their occasional secret meetings but as Biff’s tenancy to the Atherton Street house is coming to an end, either Biff would need to find somewhere else, or return to live with Grady, putting an end to their occasional encounters.

Some things take time and don’t run to plan and the girlfriend sham was as such, eventually the message filtered down through Helen to Lewis who during Saturday’s breakfast spilt the beans, and they weren’t those on buttered toast topped with a runny fried egg.

“Grady’s got a girlfriend,” Lewis blurts out while chewing on a slice of toast.

Grady appears shocked, not from his brother’s admission but he had all but forgotten Biffs little scam.

Karen has already finished her breakfast and as usual commences clearing the table before others had finished, she is already at the kitchen door when she hears Lewis’ declaration then on her return enquires further.

She does so with a look rather than words.

“It’s nothing serious mum, so don’t get your hopes up,” Grady quickly dampens being clueless what other information his brother may had gleaned from Helen.

“That’s nice Grady but why am I hearing about her from Lewis and not you?”

“Grady finishes the last of his breakfast;

“As I said there isn’t anything serious and if there is you will be the first to know.”

‘Name, what’s her bloody name?’ Grady thinks.

‘Mum don’t you dare ask.’

“Who is she love?”

Fortunately Lewis supplies more;

“She’s some Italian chick’ from Dimbulah.”

Karen appears disappointed. She is obviously thinking but would bide her time to when alone with Grady before eking out more on the matter.

Saturday evening drink night at the Royal, Grady walks across to Atherton Street to collect Biff before going on to the Royal to meet up with the gang. As they meet Grady is quick in relating the outcome to his brother’s breakfast announcement.

“I had almost forgotten about my little ploy,” Biff admits.

“So had I. Fortunately Lewis had little info’ only she being Italian from Dimbulah.”

“Yes I did suggest that to Trish.”

“Why an Eyti’ surely by now you realise both mum and dad have an obsession about foreigners.”

“That why I suggested an Italian, with her being foreign Karen wouldn’t invite her to dinner. What has Karen said?”

“As yet nothing although she is obviously building up to her usual questions although it will be dad who will have the most to say.”

“Never mind it’s done now, besides you’re smart enough to fill in the blanks.”

Reaching the Royal they are a step ahead of Brownie.

The three enter together.

“What’s this I hear about you jumping some Eyti’ from Dimbulah?” Brownie asks before they meet with the gang.

“What are you on about Mick?”

“I hear your banging some Italian chick.”

“Where did you hear that?”

“Your old man told me and he heard it from your bother.”

‘So half the town knows,’ Grady thinks.

‘And here I am clueless to what to answer and I don’t even have a name.’ Grady spots David at the bar.

‘I should go see what he knows.’

Grady approaches his father as the gang meet at their favourite table.

“Son,” David simply says with a nod of the head.

“How is Lewis going in his new job?” Grady asks as a conversation breaker.

“Almost useless I believe would be the correct terminology, he is under the impression being the bosses son he should be running the business.”

“I did warn you.”

David is to the point;

“What’s this I hear about you dating some wog girl?”

“You can’t fart in this town without everybody knowing it,” Grady crudely projects knowing crudity may divert David from questioning further.

“Who is she?”

‘Name,’ Grady thinks.

‘What’s a good Italian name?’

Grady is stalling;

‘Don’t give one that’s the best policy.’

“Seeing you are bios against foreigners, I’m not prepared to say.”

‘Good answer, now to back out of here.’

Instead David is interrupted by one of his customers with a question on availability of fencing material.

“Come and see me at work during the week best would be Wednesday,” David demands of Grady and turns from the conversation.

“I’m busy Wednesday,” Grady lies more not to feel obliging to his father.

“You’ll find time.” David concludes.

Gary’s stories are about life for gay men in Australia’s past and present. Your emails to him are the only payment he receives. Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Conder 333 at Hotmail dot Com

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