Published: 29 Jun 2026

Biff’s house sitting;

Everything from the heavy iron front gate and fence to the house makes the property stand head and shoulders above its neighbours in size and style. The path is brick in herringbone design with herbal borders, leading through an expanse of lawn to a perimeter of immaculately trimmed hedges.

And guess what?

At centre stands a lemon tree and no instruction has been issued to water daily with urine.

Biff releases a broad smile while recalling instruction to Grady, how he should give David’s tree a dose of piss each morning to promote the fruiting. He also smiles while recalling that was also Ron’s belief for his struggling lemon tree but like Grady, Biff had reneged on such an application.

The path leads to the heavy double doors decorated with highly polished brass fittings, the door is painted dark green with ivory pin striping.

‘Polishing,’ Biff thinks.

‘Trish didn’t give instructions about polishing,’

‘Hope not.’

‘Then again it possibly would be expected.’

The key fits the lock with a comforting click and Biff is inside standing within a long wide hall;

“Impressive,” Biff all but whispers.

The word echoes along the hall its walls decorated with many portraits, some have the appearance of the long forgotten Edwardian era, being a time of extreme and indulgence, of tennis on the lawn and cucumber sandwiches with crusts removed, cocktail parties and gala nights and secret rendezvous in the rose garden.

‘More than impressive,’ Biff thinks and drops the house keys into a silver bowl on a hall table the fall echoes along the hall; beside the bowl is an ivory framed photo of a married couple on their wedding day, the man upright and serious the woman in white satin and picture hat, at least she is smiling possibly because she has just married into old money.

‘How does one man afford all this stuff?’Biff thinks.

‘And it is all mine, well for three months, or thereabout.’

‘I wish Grady was here to see it.’

‘Tonight.’

‘Tonight Grady will be, even if only for a couple of hours.’

‘Bedroom?’

‘I believe there are four, all upstairs.’

‘What did Trish say?’

‘Take you pick but don’t stain the satin sheets.’

‘Huh.’

Digress;

Earlier that Sunday morning Biff had been eager to explore his new digs for the following few months. After a quick breakfast with Grady helping Biff carry his gear for the stay to the car, most will remain until he can find permanent accommodation. Grady offers to go with him to Atherton Street but Biff had already arranged to return for Karen’s Sunday evening roast and after dinner would be time enough for Grady to view the premises, and hopefully more.

Sunday evening with the meal almost done Grady is itching to return with Biff to Atherton Street. Throughout the meal Grady appears less chatty, as does Biff while he plans the final part to that evening. Lewis has his radar working overtime, attempting to pick up anything about the two that could enhance his suspicion, except for the boy’s quiet disposition they weren’t giving anything away. On the other hand Karen appeared most sedate towards Biffs leaving as far as promising his room would still be there once the house sitting period was done, also extracting promise from Biff he would eat regularly and return for Sunday roasts.

With the meal at an end and time pressing, Biff is conjuring a way of having Grady visit that night. During the day he had decided to leave something of importance behind he would be need of for the following day. Grady would discover that something therefore follow on after Biff had gone. Somewhat elaborate possibly but young lads on a promise often lose all sense of reality.

Time to depart and with Lewis out of the room Biff approaches Grady.

“I have left my work boots behind; after I’ve gone you discover them and bring them over.”

“Why don’t I simply come with you to check the place out?”

“You know how suspicious Lewis can be.”

“I suppose I could but it’s a long walk over to Atherton Street.”

“Then I’ll wait part way with the utility.”

“No, I’m a fast walker and when on a promise, even faster.”

Biff had been gone for no more than half an hour when his plan commences to work. It is Lewis who finds the boots and brings them to attention, suggesting he could deliver the boots; his plan being a hasty delivery before a detour to his friend Tug’s house on the return.

Karen is quick in debunking Lewis’ suggestion;

“It’s your turn for the dishes Lewis.”

“Grady can do them.”

“Grady earns a living and pays board as yet you don’t, so you know the rules.”

Reluctantly Lewis relents and passes Biff’s forgotten boots to Grady.

Grady attempts to make the delivery as incidental as possible;

“He’ll need them for work so best I take them right away.”

Karen appears nonchalant while Lewis is in the kitchen making his displeasure obvious with the clashing of dishes.

“If you chip any of Grandma Olson’s crockery Lewis, you will be in for it,” she warns.

Lewis lowers his protest;

“Being careful with Granny’s precious plates,” Lewis sarcastically replies as Grady departs with Biff’s work boots hanging across his shoulder by their laces.

The Atherton Street house is one Grady had passed by on numerous occasions on his way to the brewery swimming hole and had wondered at its inability to fit in with the surrounding properties and what luxuries could be hidden behind its pristine timber walls that always appeared freshly painted, even after many years of harsh tropical sunshine.

The Westminster Chimes quickly brings response as if Biff had been waiting with nervous anticipation directly behind the heavy timber panels.

Biff opens displaying a broad happy smile;

Grady presents the boots for viewing; he is laughing from the ridiculous in their little ploy.

“You forgot your work boots.”

“Ow’ I’ll need them in the morning,” Biff jokingly replies.

“I guess you will.”

“Come in.”

Grady enters and the door closes behind with a comforting click.

“And you were generous enough to bring them over.”

They both laugh at their play on Biff’s design;

“It was Lewis who found them and was about to head out the door to make the delivery but mum made him do the dishes.”

“That wouldn’t have been the outcome I designed.”

Grady’s eyes are all about;

“I’ve often wondered what the inside would be like.”

“Very girly, even down to the embroidered pillowcases, also towels with monograms and the beds have satin sheets. Trish said it was his wife who did the decorating then after she died Ross didn’t have the heart to change anything.”

“Satin sheets you say.”

“Yes in deep crimson.”

“What is satin?”

“Trish said it is sort of poor man’s silk. I’ve already exchanged them for an old pair of regular cotton on the bed I’m using. I didn’t like the feel of the satin also they appear so slippery I’d reckon you would slide out the bottom end like a slug from a rife.”

Grady’s eyes are through the double etched glass doors depicting peacocks to the living room and a large plush floral settee with matching arm chairs, “very flowery,” he remarks.

“Ross has left a good supply of beer also scotch if you’re interested, what is your liking?”

“I wouldn’t mind a beer.”

Soon the boys settle as best they can, being cautious not to mark or scuff the furniture, as even the side tables are polished to mirror shine.

“Then here we are,” Biff eventually says.

“I feel a little nervous; it is as if simply being in here is soiling the ambience and as for all those painting of ancestors it is as if they are watching us, their eyes appear to follow as if they are making judgement.”

“I know how you feel.”

“Who are they all?”

“Trish said they are mostly his family who made their money last century from land holdings down south. Ross moved up here when he married a local girl. I have chosen the smallest simplest bedroom; if the paintings spook you then we could go there.”

“It is funny,” Grady says.

“What is?”

“Here we are and for the first time there has been opportunity to be truly alone and I’m scared.”

“What is making you scared Grady?”

“I’m scared of screwing everything up.”

“Come on, follow me.”

Up a flight of stairs to a railed landing that glances down onto the hallway with its large bowl light fitting at centre, at least the eyes of all those ancestors aren’t casting their gaze upwards to spy on the lad’s intentions. There are four bedrooms along the landing.

Biff directs Grady towards the fourth bedroom.

Inside it is simple, bed, cupboard, bedside table and a reproduction Queen Anne chair covered in plush pink silk, the walls, unlike the other rooms are bare.

“To have money,” Grady nervously says.

“If you did, would you live like this?”

“Na.”

“Me either, Ron always said the more money you make the more useless things you own and you can’t take any of it with you.”

Biff sits on the bed – he is grinning.

“What’s got your funny Biff?” Grady curiously asks.

“Take you clothes off,” Biff softly demands.

“You’ve seen me naked many times before.”

“This time it is different and slowly as if you are undressing for bed and you are alone.”

Grady hesitates with a deep frown.

“Go on Grady, I’ve waited so long for this moment I want to savour every second of it, so humour me.”

Grady places a hand on his belt buckle;

“Oops’, Grady consciously says.

“Shirt first and why oops’?”

“Something is rising.”

“No matter I would be disappointed if it didn’t, I’m already there.”

“Well?” Grady says once his underpants are removed.

“Socks.”

Grady removes the socks, bundles them and aims the bundle at Biff’s head.

The socks miss their target;

“Happy now?”

“Sure am and I like what I am seeing – come here.”

“No fair is fair you strip down as well, I feel a little vulnerable standing here with you dressed.”

Moments later Biff is naked, “I would like it if you stayed all night.”

“I also like the idea but what will be my excuse?”

“We are both adults, it shouldn’t have anything to do with anyone else.”

“True but unfortunately it does. I could say you are afraid of the dark and being in a strange house on your own.”

“Yea I like your sense of humour.”

“In time Biff but for tonight let us steal a few hours in privacy and see what happens.”

Past midnight and Grady is returning home His few hours with Biff had been even more erotic than he could have imagined, so having to leave was most difficult. The Dowie house is in darkness, entering through the gate both dogs meet him whining their excitement while jumping about like excited children at a birthday party.

“Settle or you will wake up everyone,” Grady softly greets giving Jenny a pat, Marshie becomes jealous with Jenny receiving all the attention and commences to bark.

“Shush.”

Too late;

Almost immediately Karen’s bedroom light comes on. Since David moved out Karen has become a nervous sleeper and every sound brings her to investigate.

She meets Grady as he enters;

“I heard the dogs barking.”

“Yes it was Marshie he got jealous of me giving Jenny a pat.”

“It is about time David took the dogs to live with him.”

“They are alright mum, besides they give good protection as there have been a few break-ins lately.”

“I suppose so; you’re late getting back, especially as you have an early start tomorrow.”

“I had a couple of beers while Biff gave me a tour of the house and I lost track of the time. It’s huge.”

“Is Brian settling in?”

“I think it will be good for him to have somewhere of his own for a while.”

Karen yawns, she feels safer now Grady is home;

“I’m off back to bed; would you like anything special for breakfast?”

“The usual, no need to fuss.”

The working week passes without any further association between Grady and Biff. Thursday brings a telephone call from Biff and an invite from Karen for Sunday dinner and agreement for Friday night drinks at the Royal with Biff arranging a drive by to pick up Grady.

“Also Grady, I will expect you to call in to Atherton Street for an hour or so after meeting the boys at the hotel.”

“That can be arranged.”

Lewis is listening;

“What are you arranging Grady?”

Grady places his hand over the receiver;

“Mind your own business kid and piss off, this is private.”

Lewis huffs and leaves the room although remaining within hearing.

“Who was that?” Biff asks.

“Only Lewis, he is becoming much too inquisitive for his own good.”

“I was thinking,” Biff says.

“Go on.”

“Doesn’t matter it can wait until tomorrow night.”

With Grady’s call ended Lewis returns;

“You two are up to something,” Lewis suggests.

“Like what Lewis?”

“Dunno’ but I’ll eventually find out.” Lewis says as he parts company.

“Lewis, come here.”

Grady’s tone draws the lad back.

“What?”

“I know what you are up to.”

“Go on.”

“You are trying to big-note yourself with dad by spreading rumours about Biff, you better stop it now or there will be trouble.”

Friday night’s drinks and Biff, with Grady close behind, is first to arrive at the Royal. Grady buys first round and joins with Biff at their usual table away from the hum of the bar. Grady is wearing a smile that appears to take up most of his face.

“What have you to be happy about?” Biff asks as Grady puts down the drinks and takes a seat close by.

“I am thinking of what comes after drinks.”

“You could stay the night,” Biff suggests as he doesn’t have anyone watching over every move he makes as Grady does with his brother Lewis.

Grady releases a disappointing sigh;

“You know that isn’t possible at the moment.”

“I have an idea,”

“As you said on the telephone.”

“We will have to find you an imaginary girlfriend for you to visit.”

Grady appears curious;

“She will have to be someone who offers you to stay nights.”

Grady is thinking;

“Well what do you reckon?” Biff enforces.

“What parent allows their daughter’s boyfriend to sleep over?”

“True, although I do know some that do, mind you in separate rooms.”

“What if mum wants to met this elusive girlfriend, you know how she was with you while inviting Trish for meals at every possible occasion, even when you were living with Ron. Besides I can’t simply arrive home and announce this girl from outa’ thin air,” Grady is laughing, “hi mum guess what I have a girlfriend and she has offered me to stay nights.”

A pause in Grady’s reply;

“Her name is;”

Another pause;

“What the fuck is her name?”

“I have also thought of that, possibly Trish could slip a name into conversation with her sister Helen and for sure Helen will tell Lewis, that should get his tongue wagging like a dog’s tail.”

Grady is showing cautious interest;

“Then what?”

“You could have sleepovers and weekends away.”

“And invites for her to come to dinner by mum.”

“Umm, I’ll have to think that one through.”

“As for weekends away that can be arranged at any time.”

“True although you know what the gang’s like; even seeing us together appears to throw suspicion, especially with Luke and Brownie.”

The plan becomes interrupted with the arrival of Brownie with his mate Colin Davis close behind. Brownie is immediately to the bar returning with a jug of beer.

“Where is everyone?” Biff asks.

“Were it for tonight although Barry said he may call by later. What’s the topic?”

“We only arrived a few minutes ago – no topic,” Biff answers.

“Then I’ll have to make one,” Brownie replies, “I hear you are staying at Ross Linton’s while he’s away.”

“House sitting,” Biff agrees.

“Linton’s a bit of a woman,” Brownie suggests.

“What gives you that idea?”

“The house, it’s like a prostitute’s parlour.”

“I must admit it’s a little fussy but I’m only house sitting not a critic on fashion, besides I believe it was mostly his wife’s choosing.”

“Wife – huh.” Brownie tiffs.

“Have you been inside the house Mick?”

“I did a grog delivery for their wedding anniversary just before she croaked.”

“You sound as if you have something to say Mick?” Biff tone is low and accusing.

Brownie is smiling, “I’ve been hearing rumours Biff.”

Gary’s stories are about life for gay men in Australia’s past and present. Your emails to him are the only payment he receives. Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Conder 333 at Hotmail dot Com

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