Published: 20 Apr 2026

Biff has a question

Saturday morning and Grady is doing a little shopping for his mother along with going to Jebreen’s menswear for a new set of work overalls, he also needs a new athletic support as the elastic had gone in what he had retained from the previous football season.

First issue for the day;

Usually Noel Farrer would be the sales representative at Jebreen’s department store who would know Grady’s needs without too many questions and could tell a fellow’s size simply by looking at him. Farrer is a lanky man in his thirties with coke-bottle eyeglasses, crooked teeth and a goatee, if you approached too closely you also got a whiff of ripe cheese and bad breath.

“Athletic support,” Grady would say.

“Men’s size,” Farrer would answer while reaching high to a box on the top shelf above skivvies and navy blue working men’s singlets then place the support in a brown paper bag without further comment.

This day’s first issue arrives when Noel Farrer is found missing, instead the shop assistant happens to be Louise Carter a once classmate and notorious gossiper, with a more than healthy attitude towards the male of the species.

Why Grady couldn’t ask Louise for the athletic support is embarrassment arriving from needing to ask for something to caress his private bits and no female should handle material that comes so close to the forbidden zones, unless of course, invited to do so. Disregarding on washing day his mother removed the skid-marks from his undies without comment.

“Where’s Noel?” Grady enquires while going through a rack of shirts. He fancies a bright design of surf and sun but would never wear it, not is this town.

“Noel has taken a week’s holiday,” Louise says while checking her bright red nail varnish; one nail is chipped, she turns the finger inward as if to say out of sight out of mind.

The offending nail would be repainted once she is alone.

‘Claws,’ Grady thinks with a gentle grin over the rack of shirts.

‘Knowing Louise Carter she would love to sink them into some not expecting fellow.’

Grady picks up a shirt for closer perusal.

“That one would suit you,” Louise surmises.

“I don’t think so. Where is your overalls selection?”

“Over in trade-wear.”

Louise remains contemplating her painted nails as Grady returns the shirt to the rack.

Grady quickly finds his size and brings the overalls to the counter.

“I thought you were working for the shire as a secretary?” Grady asks.

“That was temping.” Louise wraps the overalls in brown paper and ties the package with a length of string, “anything else?” Her eyes start at Grady’s chest and slowly descend towards the slight bulge in the material of his loose fitting pants.

‘There is,’ Grady thinks as he places the counter between his crotch and Louise’s gaze.

“I don’t think so,” Grady says.

‘I don’t want you making fun about what I’ve got down there. I’ll borrow a pair from Biff.’

‘Why can’t fellows talk about their privates, not even with their mates? Woman have not problem describing everything with other women from their period to breast size.’

‘I could never imagine blokes discussing their dick length or how they enjoy a quick wank.’

“Are you playing cricket this afternoon?”

“I am.”

“Is Brian playing?”

‘Louise appears interested in Biff.’

“Yes Biff will be playing, we can’t win without him.”

“I may come and watch the game; that is if Mr. Jebreen lets me off in time.”

“I thought it is half day on Saturday?”

“Not when you work for Henry Jebreen.”

Grady has a sparking idea;

“Aren’t you a mate of Roslyn Dobbins from Millers Drapery?”

“We are cousins; why?”

‘It appears everyone in this town is cousin to the next,’ Grady thinks.

“My Cousin Tony is getting married and I need a partner, I was going to ask Roslyn.”

“She is going out with someone from Dimbulah. I know Tony I could be your partner for the day if you like.”

Second issue;

‘Why did I open my big mouth?’

“That could work, I’ll let you know.”

‘How do I get out of this one?’

Grady nods and smiles as he collects his package;

“I’ll be seeing you then.”

Grady departs without a new athletic support;

On his way to collect his mother’s order from Whelan the butcher Grady happens to chance upon Trish Baker while passing the post office, Trish appears to be crying. As Grady is approaching from behind he has time to about turn to avoid an emotional encounter but as the thought forms, Trish turns and spots Grady.

“Trish,” Grady simply greets as he cautiously approaches.

“I haven’t seen you since -,” Trish wished to say since she broke up with Biff but hurt often follows words so she leaves her assertion open.

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been alright.”

“I saw you with Rod Hawkins.”

‘Bugger why did I say that!’

Trish begins to cry.

Grady takes Trish’s hand a gives it a gentle squeeze;

“What’s the matter?”

Trish lowers her eyes and turns away.

“Trish?”

“Oh Grady,”

Come and sit down and tell me what is wrong.”

Grady leads Trish to the seating under the deep shading of the mango trees along the medium strip dividing the lanes of traffic.

It is some time before Trish opens up.

“I’m pregnant.” Trish exhales two little words no parent would wish to hear from any adolescent girl and what no young girl would wish to discover.

“Oh!”

Trish wipes her eyes with a handkerchief.

“How far gone are you?”

“Not far.”

“Is the father Rod Hawkins’?”

“Yes – no, I don’t know. I think it could be Brian’s. You won’t say anything to Brian.”

“You think it could be Biff’s?”

“Yes it is Brian’s but please don’t say anything.”

“You said you think it’s Biff’s, you don’t appear too certain.”

“I’m certain, yes it is Brian’s but I don’t want you to say anything to Brian that is why I’m hesitant.”

Third issue for the day;

“Trish I wish you hadn’t told me.”

“You promise.”

“Biff is my best mate and he would never forgive me if he found out I knew and didn’t say anything.”

Trish’s crying increases as she burries her face in her hands.

“Do your parents know?”

“I think dad would kill me if he found out.”

“You can’t hide something like that forever, what about aunts; you have aunts why not approach them?”

Trish brightens a little;

“I have to go, please don’t tell Brian, I will in my own time.” She rises to her feet, “thank you Grady for listening – do you promise not to say anything to Brian.”

“I promise not to tell Biff.”

Fourth issue;

Hopefully the final issue for Grady’s day.

Grady missed the butcher.

Grady arrives home with little time to collect his cricket gear and be around at Biff’s house before going to the game.

“Make sure you put the meat in the refrigerator before you leave,” Karen calls from the washing, knowing Grady would leave it in the heat of the day on the bench top.

“No meat,” Grady calls back and quickly grabs his bag.

Karen arrives with hands covered in soap suds, “what do you mean by no meat?”

“I got talking and missed the butcher?”

The best defence is to be gone and let Karen calm down by end of the game. Grady can still hear his mother’s anger as he leaves the house where he is met by both dogs, he then realises part of the order was meat for the pooches.

No worries the all-nighter on Walsh Street would be open.

On his way home he would get a couple of tins of dog food.

That settles one problem but what about Sunday’s roast?

“You’re late!” were Biff’s first words as Grady arrives.

“It couldn’t be helped.”

“Come on we’ll have to drive or we won’t make it.”

“Firstly I need a favour.”

“Go on.”

“I need to borrow a jockstrap.”

Biff is laughing, “I thought you were going to Jebreen‘s this morning for that very purpose.”

“I did but Louise Carter was working and there’s no way I was going to ask her for a personal items of clothing.”

“Okay you know where they are; make it snappy – I’ll run the motor.”

Since Ron’s demise Biff had slacken somewhat from a place for everything and everything in its place. After a quick look about Grady found the support in a drawer and next to a skimpy pair of teddy bear underpants.

There are two supports, one still has its shop tag the other is approaching binning although better than his own.

Grady chooses an older pair and holds it up for appraisal.

What happens next becomes worrying; he can feel a tingling sensation in his gut as his member commences to rise.

“Shit!” Grady exclaims then shoving the support in his pants pocket he pushes the offending member away from obvious.

‘Why did I get a woody?’

There isn’t time for evaluating emotions as Grady hurries from the house.

“You took your time.”

“You’ve changed things about and I couldn’t find them.”

Biff appears puzzled;

“You appeared flustered?” Biff suggests.

“Teddy bears?” Grady mentions with a cheeky grin.

“Oh you saw my under-dacks – Ron gave them to me last Christmas.”

“Do you wear them?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

The game went poorly for the home team. Even more disappointing Biff was bowled out with the first ball of the innings. Grady managed a handful of runs and soon followed. As the local team had first innings there was little the two could do after their innings but sit on the bench while the wickets fell in quick succession. Eventually it was over with the local team receiving a soul searching defeat. Michael Brown comes from the field at game’s end with a personal score of twenty-four runs and two catches in the field, in passing he makes his usual derogatory comment to Biff.

“That’s how you do it Mr. Bastian.”

“Yes Mick, thank you for the advice.”

Michael appears to be enjoying the boy’s failure to perform, “you weren’t much better Greedy,”

“Ow’, fuck off Brownie.”

The team quietly line into the dressing room with Biff and Grady bringing up the rear.

“Who’s for the pub?” Brownie calls from under the first shower.

Some mumble, some agree others sit despondently soul searching as that game against Mr. Surprise should have been a shoe-in.

Biff is on the seat next to Grady as they wait for the showers.

Both lads remain dressed in the cricket whites;

Biff is grinning;

“Well did it fit?” Biff asks.

“Did what fit?”

“My spare jockstrap.”

“It is a little large but comfortable enough.”

“That is because it usually has more to support.”

“Huh! I would more think it is because the elastic has stretched.”

“Excuses Grady, excuses.”

Michael Brown comes from showering and stands towelling down in front of Biff, his wet crotch in line with Biff’s line of sight.

Brownie is smiling while drying his hair, everything below is jiggling about with the drying action and appears to extend.

Biff ignores Brownie’s obvious aggression and undresses for the shower.

Once again Grady realises there is something outstanding between the two believing it to be more than simply incompatibility.

“You are dripping water on me,” Grady complains then moves away from Brownie’s hair drying.

Brownie disregards the complaint and dresses, all the time his eyes appear to be fixed on Biff.

‘There is definitely something going on.’

‘And it’s been that way for a long time.’

Grady is under the shower next to Biff.

“I’ll meet you girls at the Royal,” Michael Brown calls as he departs.

Some agree others simply make sounds that could be interoperated as maybe. Biff leans a little closer towards Grady;

“Do you want to go for a drink?

“Yes but not the Royal as Dad will probably be there, also I’ll need a couple so I can face the music when I go home.”

“What have you done now?”

“I got talking to Trish and missed the butcher.”

“You didn’t tell me you saw Trish.”

‘Fuck!’ Grady thinks.

‘Trust me to say that.’

“Yes she was up the street near the post office, we got talking and I lost track of time that is why I missed the butcher.”

Biff appears attentive but doesn’t push further.

It isn’t often Grady has opportunity for a couple of beers with Biff without the usual crowd around, especially as Michael Brown usually holds sway over the conversation.

Biff is at the bar talking with one of the mill workers, they share a joke; he pays for two beers and returns to the table.

“That’s Bob Reins he worked the same shift at the mill as Ron did.”

“Yes I’ve seen him about.”

“He knows your Cousin Tony and is also invited to the wedding.”

“From what I’ve been hearing, Tony has been fucking around, so if Leanne gets wind of it there may not be a wedding.”

“That may solve a problem for me,” Biff suggests.

“Not for Leanne seeing she is expecting a kid.”

“Now Grady my old mate, what were you and Trish talking about?”

Grady gives a broad smile;

“It was about you of course.”

“This time I believe you are telling the truth.”

Grady continues with a lie;

“She only asked how you were going since Ron passed on.”

“Maybe.”

Grady is feeling stress build from deep down in his gut and tries a different approach.

“Isn’t it you Biff who always tells me not to ask questions, possibly you should take notice of your own rules.”

Biff laughs, “Grady is getting angry,”

“It’s not that.”

“What is it then?”

“I’ve been put in a situation I never wanted to be in. Firstly I can’t betray a confidence, nor can I disregard a friendship. So what would you do?”

“Fair call,” Biff says; “what do you think went wrong with my game today?”

“We all have off days.”

“It’s more than that Grady. I’ll tell you something;”

Biff hesitates.

Grady allows Biff to continue in his own time.

“I have this question I need to ask of someone.”

“Who?” Grady asks.

“Never mind who’ it is a question if asked may cause me more grief than I am prepared to wear.”

“I believe this so called question has been troubling you for a long time.”

“It has.”

“Then why don’t you approach whoever it is and simply ask.”

Would you like another beer?” Biff offers.

“I’ll get them this time.”

Grady returns with the drinks;

“Do you remember suggesting we should take a trip down the coast?”

“I did suggest that,” Biff recalls.

“Then why not, maybe after Tony’s wedding.”

“I like the idea only just us two and especially not Mick, I’ve about had enough of him.”

“Is your question about Mick?”

“No, nothing to do with him.”

“What is it with you and Mick?”

“I suppose it is like two tomcats in the yard, there isn’t anything in particular simply being in the vicinity of each other is enough to set the fur flying.”

“You both got on okay back in primary school.”

“Yes but soured about the same time Bruce Menzies left town.”

“There’s that name again, you know I can’t really remember Menzies, wasn’t he a year behind us?”

“He was and his family lived out Emerald Creek way, his dad worked for a trucking business,” Biff then appears to shut down. “One more for the road but you pay, I’m skint.”

The way home had more questions than answers as Biff had obviously second thoughts about explaining his life damaging situation and once Biff brings the shutters down there isn’t any chance of lifting them again. Grady quietly concludes something happened long ago between Michael Brown and Biff and there is a third person in the equation in the guise of Bruce Menzies but where does Bruce fit and had it anything to do with the Menzies family leaving the district. Halfway home and Biff’s dilemma is forgotten, replaced by the reception Grady was about to receive for missing the butcher.

Gary’s stories are about life for gay men in Australia’s past and present. Your emails to him are the only payment he receives. Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Conder 333 at Hotmail dot Com

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