‘From what I hear about town my name is mud with her.’

‘What of Lewis’ comment?’

‘Have they been talking?’

‘Possibly Trish’s sister has said something,’

‘Lewis and Helen are as close as two peas in a pod.’

Biff smiles;

‘From what I know of Lewis – even closer I would think.’

Before Biff could build further on those thoughts he spies Trish leaving the offices of the Tobacco Board.

‘She is getting a little tubby,’ Biff thinks as he slowly approaches displaying the best positive expression he can muster.

Eventually Trish notices Biff approach;

Trish pauses and waits for Biff’s arrival;

Trish is first to speak.

“What do you want Brian?”

It isn’t the response he expected and Biff loses his modus operandi, also his confidence.

“I was passing and saw you leaving work and thought it would be nice to say hello.”

“You’ve been drinking.”

“I had one at the Graham after work.”

Trish gives a disbelieving huff.

“Well maybe two; in truth I was waiting for you as I have some bad news.” Biff nods towards the Redline bus stop seat close by.

“Walk with me; I have to go to the grocer for mum before it closes,” Trish suggests.

Biff agrees and they walk on.

‘She has changed,’ Biff assumes.

‘She appears more aloof and confident.’

Three steps and Trish is to the point;

“What news would that be Brian?”

“Tony and Leanne’s wedding has been called off.”

“I already know; Leanne telephoned me two nights back.”

“Oh.”

“Yes it seems Tony has been up to his old tricks.”

“What tricks?”

“Playing around where he shouldn’t have; I’m sorry I didn’t come to Ron’s funeral but I was away with the family down the coast at Gordonvale.”

“The house has sold and I am staying at the Dowie’s.”

“I also know that, my Sister Helen is a friend of Lewis, he was around last weekend and said you may be moving in.”

“Therefore there isn’t a lot I can tell you. What about you – what’s new?”

“I may be going down to Gordonvale to live with my Aunty Joyce for a while.”

Biff has a conversation block; it is either he bids Trish good afternoon, or he says something stupid.

His nervous disposition does the latter;

“I’m sorry I broke up with you the way I did.”

“It doesn’t matter, not now anyway.”

“Even so.”

“I said it doesn’t matter Brian besides Kathy Gardner thinks you are gay.”

“What!”

“Well it’s said now.”

Biff’s tone lowers to anger;

“Do you believe that Trish?”

“It would explain why you were often cold towards me.”

They arrive at the grocer where Trish pauses;

“Brian I really need to do mum’s shopping.”

Biff is stumped for words.

“I’ll be seeing you around,” Trish says.

“Yes, I should think when Tony reschedules the wedding.”

Trish enters leaving Biff with a word hanging over his emotions like a blade ready to fall.

‘Gay,’ he thinks.

‘What in hell’s name would give Kathy Gardner that idea?’

Biff dismissed the insinuation and moves on.

Saturday;

No wedding, no party therefore the Graham hotel bar would be a good substitute to dump expectations. The boys had designs to meet later that night with some of the cricket team to discuss the following week’s game as this year with fewer teams they played bi-weekly; also there has been talk about a second camping trip, this time down the coast.

Dinner time, Grady arrives home late dressed in his work overalls and covered in grease as there was an urgent repair on the Shire President’s Rover P4, bringing him back to work on a Saturday with a promise for time in lieu.

Karen is carrying a large dish of paella to the table.

Lewis and Robyn are seated.

“Busy day Grady?” Karen suggests.

“You could say that, where’s Biff?”

“He is in his room getting ready for your cricket meeting and only arrived back a few minutes ago. Lewis, tell Biff dinner is on the table.”

“Have I time to take a shower and change.”

“Wash your hands and change your clothes you have five minutes.”

Grady returns finding everyone seated;

“Sorry if I stink of engine oil but it couldn’t be helped.”

Lewis turns his nose and apes sniffing at his armpits;

“You shoulda’ used some of mum’s perfume,” Lewis suggests as Biff comes from his room.

“I love you too Lewis.”

Karen commences to dish out the meal.

“What is this called, Karen?”

“Paella, Brian.”

“It looks nice.”

“Tug’s mum makes it and Tug calls it fancy fried rice.”

“Lewis, eat your meal without comment if it is at all possible.”

Robyn is playing with her food.

“Don’t you like your Paella love?”

She fills a spoon and nibbles at the granules, “when is daddy coming home he promised me a Ponytail Barbie.”

“You will get one for your birthday.”

“Daddy said -,”

“Eat your dinner love,”

Robyn’s pouts and lowers her head but realising it was one sulk she wouldn’t win she brightens.

“Brian did you tell Trish about the wedding cancellation?”

“I did although she already knew.” Biff gives Grady a glance then immediately breaks the brief connection.

‘Something is going on there,’ Grady thinks.

‘That glance I got.’

‘It was as if Biff is hiding something.’

‘I wonder what Trish had to say.’

“I saw Tony this morning,” Lewis says, “he was in Ian Herbert’s old truck parked near Jebbs’ drapery with a load of fence posts and wire on the back.”

“What did he have to say for himself?” Karen asks believing her nephew had much to answer for.

Lewis laughs; “he didn’t say a lot, I marched up to the passenger door and said I hear you’ve been a naughty boy.”

“Did he answer?”

“He told me to get -, well you know the rest.”

Robyn gasps, “Lewis almost used a naughty word.”

Lewis pokes his tongue out at his sister.

“Did Tony say anything about the wedding?” Karen asks.

“Nothing and by Tony’s attitude I think he is more pleased than worried.”

With dinner done and Grady showering away the day’s work grime before going for Saturday night’s drinks at the Graham, there is a knocking to the bathroom door.

“Who is it?”

“I left my watch in there.” Biff calls.

“The door’s isn’t locked.”

Biff enters, “steamy,” he says.

“I like a hot shower, your watch is on the sink.”

Biff collects his watch, he hesitates his eyes are through the misted glass of the shower divide towards Grady.

Feeling exposed Grady turns with the pretence of reaching for a flannel.

“What did Trish have to say?” Grady asks.

“She was quite frosty.”

“I suppose you shouldn’t expect more.”

“Does Lewis ever say anything about me?”

“Like what?”

“He is quite friendly with Trish’s younger sister Helen.”

‘That look Biff gave at dinner,’ Grady thinks.

‘Biff is suspicious something is going on.’

“Why would anything Lewis has to say worry you?”

“You know how rumours start.”

Grady softly speaks.

“Biff.”

“Yep.”

“Can I ask you something and you promise not to get cranky.”

“That depends.”

Grady turns off the shower and reaches for a towel. As he does Biff turns away while fiddling with his watch band.

‘Why are you acting so coy Biff?’ Grady thinks.

“I’ll say it anyway. What is troubling you?”

“It was something Trish said.”

“Can you share it?”

“Come on get dressed we are losing drinking time.”

Although the meeting at the Graham bar was supposed to be cricket business most of the team is absent. In most it is the camping crowd with Michael Brown holding sway of the conversation. The boys arrive to find their usual table well occupied so extra chairs needed to be found.

Brownie is first to speak;

“Hey Greedy I hear your Cousin Tony has been planting his dick where he shouldn’t have.”

Grady attempts to grin Brownie’s comment away, “want a beer Biff?” he asks.

“I’ll get it,” Biff offers.

“Mick sometimes you don’t know when to keep your trap shut,” Grady suggests.

Michael Brown ignores the warning, he is never one who allows controversy to deflect his line of humour, it is possible to call Michael all the sons of bitches you could conceive and he would laugh then continue as if you are his best mate who had issued a complement.

“Biff returns for the drinks.”

“Hey Biff when are we going on the trip to the coast?” Brownie asks.

“Yea when,” Luke Bevin concurs.

“What trip?”

“I remember it was couple of weeks back you suggested the trip to Greedy.” Wayne Nelson appends to the proposition.

Biff glances towards Grady;

“Yea I remember, I also recall you lot weren’t invited – but I suppose, why not?”

Then there was a speak-fest on time, where and who could get the time from work, soon all decided it would be the weekend after next.

“Right settled,” Brownie says.

A few nods of agreement as the night moves on.

“More drinks?” Brownie suggests.

“Get a couple of jugs,” Barry Jones dives his hand into his trouser pocket.

“My shout,” Brownie says as there is nothing he enjoys more than showing off as among their little crowd he has the deepest pockets.

Returning Brownie places the jugs down and approaches Biff;

Bruce Menzies is at the bar and would like a word with you.”

Biff throws a glance, he sees Bruce at the far corner of the bar. Biff turns away. “I don’t think I have anything to say to him.”

“Should I tell him that?”

“You can tell him what you like Mick.”

Brownie glances across to the bar with a head shake. Moments later Bruce has gone. No one else in the group takes notice of Brownie’s request to Biff, no one that is except Grady.

Closing time with the little group of campers on the footpath, Michael Brown has parked his brand spanking new Ford XL midnight blue Sedan close to the hotel. He approaches the vehicle and opens the passenger door;

“What do ya’ reckon?”

“I thought you wanted it in red?” Luke questions.

“That would clash with my little red sports number.”

“What have you done with the MG?” Barry asks.

“It’s in the garage.”

“What happened to the old heap?” Luke Bevin asks.

“Don’t worry it is also in the garage keeping my little sports number company, I keep the old girl for special occasions.”

“Like what Brownie?” Grady asks.

“If I have to give you a lift anywhere, I can’t have you mucking up the seats – they are best leather you know and specially chosen for the job.”

“Nice unit Mick,” Barry says, “must have cost you a packet.”

“A packet and a half but if you have it you’ve gotta’ flaunt it.”

“As you would Brownie,” Biff agrees.

“I suppose you are going to take us down to Palm Cove in it,” Barry suggests.

“Not bloody likely; I’m not having the duco scratched in the scrub leading to the beach, as I said you will be taxied in the old Ford.”

Brownie is inwardly smiling, he can see the envy and it pleases him as envy is the only emotion he can hold over his lifelong mates, even if jealousy can often turn to despise. As for wealth it is his father’s way of holding control over his favourite son.

Homeward bound after closing, the air hangs about the shoulders warm and humid. The night is overcast with rain promised. Passing the Royal the last patrons are filing out. At the back of the group Grady spies his father; he has his arm around the waist of a large breasted woman who appears new to town, David’s hand drops to pat her arse. She laughs and whispers close to his ear. If David is distressed from the state of his marriage it isn’t obvious by his expression.

Grady takes Biff’s arms and pulls him in the opposite direction before his father notices him.

“Come on I don’t want to be part of this.”

About turn and the boys are crossing the road; soon they are beyond the lights from the main street heading towards the rail yards and the short cut towards home.

Grady hasn’t said a word since seeing his father.

“Has seeing David with that woman upset you?” Biff asks.

“Not upset, possibly disappointed.”

“I don’t recognise the woman he is with?”

“I think she lives down at Flying Fish Point,”

“Has David had affairs before?”

“I don’t really know; truthfully I don’t know dad at all. I do know mum has never loved dad, yet he does appear to have real affection for Robyn and Robyn idolised him.” Grady begins to laugh, “I often thought he isn’t my father and I certainly don’t look like him, although I must admit Lewis is more like dad.” Grady pauses, “I read somewhere any fool knows his mother but it is a smart fellow who knows his father.”

“Are you suggesting something Grady?”

Grady is slow with his reply;

“Not suggesting, it is only some dumb idea I developed as a kid.”

Biff chuckles, “then who do you think are you more like?”

“Mum says I’m more like you but I can’t see it.”

Biff diverts;

“I’m looking forward to driving your handy work down to the coast.”

“Have you had any problems with the motor?”

“As you said she purrs like a kitten, about the trip, it is pity the others are coming.”

The boys reach Biff old house where Biff pauses, his hands resting on the gate.

“It’s no longer rickety,” he comments about the gate.

“The entire fence looks new,” Grady suggests, “and the garden has been spruced-up.”

“Dug up more to truth,” Biff says, “anyway it was mostly weeds and except for Ron’s prize tomato plants he was never a gardener, Ron would say leave it to the lord, he will decide what grows and where.”

“I never knew Ron to be religious,” Grady suggests.

“Not at all although he frowned on blasphemy, it was something to do with Grandad Bastian giving the boys a thrashing every time they cursed. If anything the thrashings knocked any chance of religion out of them. Ron had a saying; belief in god reminded him of a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there.”

“I like that although I bet he never said that to his father.”

“I would reckon not.”

“Did you know your grandfather?”

“Old man Bastian died when I was a baby.”

“What about your mother’s father?”

“He never forgave mum for marrying Ron saying if she married Ron they would be forever poor, so we didn’t see much of him and he always referred to me as that kid of yours.”

There is a soft light burning in the lounge.

“You never wanted brothers?” Grady asks.

“I suppose growing up your lot became my extended family.”

Biff pauses, his hand remains resting on the gate. His tone falters, “I almost had either a brother or sister.”

“How do you mean?”

“Mum died from infection after a miscarriage and Ron always blamed himself.”

“How could it be Ron’s fault?”

“Dunno’ I guess he just did,” Biff’s memories move on, “I have many good memories from living here,” Biff’s words are remorse as his hand hovers on the gate latch.

“You’ve never lived anywhere else.”

“True, except for that one month after mum died and we went to stay with mum’s half sister down the coast.”

“Yes I remember the occasion, if I recollect correctly she had a farm of sorts near Innisfail.”

“That’s the one I always loved that farm and often dreamed of living there. I’ve never said but when I was a kid I always dreamed of living somewhere with you.”

“Where would we have shared this mythical place?”

“Don’t rightly know, possibly by the ocean, or some offshore island and we would be brothers up to all types of mischief.”

“Brothers?”

“I supposed I had to tag the dream with some kind of relationship besides I’ve never said but your father believes you are Ron’s son, if it were true it would make us half brothers.”

“Where did you hear that?”

“A long ago argument I heard between Ron and David.”

“So that is what Dad was arguing with mum about, do you think there is any truth in the rumour.”

“I doubt it although it wouldn’t change things.”

“What is your meaning?”

“Come on let’s go home,”

Biff gives the gate a shaking as they move away. “About that trip,” he says.

“What about it.”

“Are you interested?”

“I am; it could be fun.”

“Yea fun – maybe but as I said, I wish it was only you and me and not Brownie as day by day I’m getting closer in giving him a whack.”

“It’s not the first time you have said that.”

“And it probably won’t be the last time.”

“You know what I would like to do Biff?”

“What would that be?”

“I’d like to get inside your head just for a minute.”

“I wouldn’t advise doing that.”

“Why?”

“You may not like what you find there.”

“Like what?”

“Were home come on let us go inside and I’ll have you whip up a batch of those chips you love so much.”

Gary’s stories are about life for gay men in Australia’s past and present. Your emails to him are the only payment he receives. Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Conder 333 at Hotmail dot Com

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