Published: 11 Apr 2022

Margaret Brown opened the door with surprised to see her son and Evan. She knew Evan through her husband and Evan’s father’s association with the returned soldier’s club and from Evan’s telephone conversations while looking after Travis during his recuperation in Georgetown.

“Travis,”

“Good morning mum, I think you know Evan.”

“We have spoken on the telephone; did you come from the train?”

“We did, it was delayed again.”

“Yes it was mentioned in the Cairns Post the line is to close in the New Year. Come in and I’ll make you some breakfast.”

“That would be nice but would like to shower first,”

As Evan took his turn showering the questioning arrived. Margaret’s first knowledge of Travis’ misfortune came with a visit from the local police who were most guarded, referring to Travis’ assault as an incident under investigation, while assuring it wasn’t life threatening and no fault of her son. By that time Evan was already in Georgetown and Travis on the mend and it was Evan who gave further explanation by telephone.

Fortunately the visit from the police and Evan’s telephone call had been before the story of a young man brutally attacked by a police officer in an outback town came across the breakfast table from a story in Cairns Post. Reading further Jim had discovered the victim to be his son. Immediately Margaret’s nature encouraged her to catch the next train but Jim’s sensibility held back as there was nothing she could do and Travis wasn’t in any danger.

“You had us worried young man,” Margaret sternly scalded.

“It was nothing,” Travis assured while keeping an ear towards the sound of the shower.

“That’s not what was reported,”

“Newspapers exaggerate, anyway I’m alright now and I’m here and alive, besides I had Evan to look after me.”

“Evan,” Margaret paused and frowned, “he doesn’t look old enough to look after himself.”

“He’s old enough,” Travis almost smiled but quickly found decorum.

“I suppose you heard about Greg’s accident?”

“I did,”

“All I can say I am more than pleased you found interest elsewhere.”

“You never liked Greg.”

“Not so much Greg but what he stood for and his family, as your association with him could give your father a bad name in the community.”

“You mean with dad’s cronies at the club.”

“Travis I won’t have that disrespect in this house.”

“Where is dad?”

“He is in the shed and will want to talk with you before he leaves for work.”

“Another lecture more to the point,”

Travis quickly departed to speak with his father before receiving further reprimand from Margaret.

Margaret lifted her eyes as Evan returned refreshed from his shower.

“Did you find everything?”

“I did, good water pressure not like at home, thank you Mrs. Brown,” Evan ruffled the last of the damp from his hair with his hands.

“Does your mother know you are back?” Margaret asks.

“I’ll call in later before we catch the railmotor,” Evan answered although lacking in intention to do so.

Travis found Jim oiling the leather of his favourite saddle and by his expression lost somewhere in the past between running Cumberland Downs and his accident.

“Dad,” Travis interrupted.

“Son you’re home,”

“Only until the afternoon’s railmotor.”

“We heard about your accident. Your mother was worried sick,”

“I’m alright it was only a few bruises,”

“That’s not what we heard,”

“Anyway,” Travis simply says.

Jim put away the oil and ran his hand along the saddle’s seat. “This is a fine saddle and in my opinion one of Jack Johnson’s best work.”

“He knows his way around leather that is certainty,” Travis agreed.

“His new apprentice, Malcolm Nevis hasn’t staying power, you should hang around a while and I’m sure Jack will again offer you the position.”

“I don’t think so,” Travis quickly dampened down such a thought.

“Anyway enough of that so what are your plans?” Jim collects a bridle from the wall and tests the reins without making eye contact with his son.

“I am going to give Bradley Cooper a hand up at Tolga for a while, other than that I should think the future will take care of its self.”

“Bradley Cooper, isn’t he one of Roy’s managers?” Jim had never been privy to Roy’s association with the young Bradley although he had seen him about on a number of early visits to his brother. Roy had then introduced Bradley as the son of a property down for holidays but kept the lad’s unfortunate history private.

“He was but has a property of his own now.”

“I hear you’ve been knocking about with Evan Williams?”

“He came up after my accident,”

“Yes it was Evan and the local police advised your mother and after her usual panic she worried about your association with the lad,” Jim gives a soft chortle, “since she has been forming a mental list of available girls for your return, has you almost married to Trish Jackson from the variety store down towards the Granite.”

“I wish she wouldn’t,” Travis felt his anger lift.

“Don’t mind your mother son, she only wants the best for you,” Jim assured.

“I suppose so but -.”

Jim cut Travis amid sentence.

“You never met your Great-grandad Ernie?”

“No he died when I was quite young,”

“Do me a favour put the saddle back on the high rack; I don’t think I’ll need it for some time and Jack has suggested a buyer for it.

Travis replaced the saddle, “will you sell it?”

“I thought of doing so but it remains a reminder of other days,”

“What about Great-grandad Ernie?”

It is something even Roy doesn’t know but our father hated his father and I only found out why many years later.”

“Travis your little friend has finished his shower and breakfast is ready,” Margaret called from the back door, while placing emphasis on little.

“Coming,”

“Even your mother doesn’t know what I’m about to tell you.”

Jim appeared double minded but continued.

“After Ernie’s wife, my grandmother, your great-grandmother died he shacked up with a fellow he had known from when he was a boy, they had been separated back then by family as it was believed young Arthur Blake was a bad influence as he was a couple of years senior to Ernie.”

“Breakfast is getting cold!” Margaret shouted impatiently from the back door.

“Coming I said!”

The wire door slammed shut.

“What are you telling me dad?”

“I’m saying grandad never forgave his parents for splitting them up and lived a miserable life because of it.”

“Are you saying -,”

“No son I’m not saying anything but whatever it was with Ernie, I believe was passed down to Roy, even if nothing has ever been said nor evidence given and now possibly down to you. All I am saying son is don’t end up like Ernie, now that you have finished chasing your rainbows, you settle as your heart governs.

“Chasing rainbows?”

“Yes, even Roy could see that.”

“But dad -,” Travis cut short from lack of courage to continue as he had never seen that side of his father before. Jim appeared to acknowledge Travis’ difference without malice, while showing understanding towards Roy. Now further words, further discussion would only harm the deep bond that was developing between father and son in but a few short sentences.

“Run along now or you will have your mother on my back and remember, don’t let on to anyone; what I’ve told you is family business – alright?”

Travis departed without answering.

Once back in the kitchen Margaret quickly turned her attention to Travis with a well intended glare.

“What?”

“Evan tells me you will be working for this Bradley Cooper.”

“It will be more like helping him get setup rather than working for him.”

“Cooper, I’ve heard that name, hasn’t he something to do with your Uncle Roy?”

“Bradley worked for Roy once but he has his own property now,” Travis declared while attempting to divert Bradley’s connection with Roy as Margaret commenced to question Evan.

“How about you Evan, you wouldn’t get yourself mixed up with this Bradley and cattle work?”

“No Mrs. Brown, I’m thinking of becoming a mechanic,” Evan answered with a cheeky smile, as Margaret excused herself to attend to unbalanced thumping from the washing machine.

“You lying little bugger!” Travis blurted once his mother had left the room.

“No sense we both get into trouble, besides I have to keep sweet with the in-laws,” he teased.

“But mechanic? You wouldn’t know a welsh plug from your big end,” Travis suggested.

“I could learn and I’m getting to know your big end,” Evan says as Margaret returned.

“What was that Evan?” Margaret questions while overhearing the last few words of the conversation.

“I was telling Travis where the car’s big end could be found,” Evan answered while attempting to keep a straight face but Travis’ expression brought them both into laughter.

After breakfast and en-route to the station Travis convinced Evan he should visit home, if for no other reason than to let them know he was well.

“Here goes nothing,” Evan smarted as they approached the door.

“It can’t be that bad, I know your mum and she’s okay,”

“It’s not mum, it’s dad.” Evan gave a shudder.

A nervous knock to the door’s heavy panelling.

A stirring inside. Evan knocked once again.

“Who’s there?” A deep voice demanded before opening.

“Shit dad’s home,” Evan whispered.

“It’s me, Evan,”

The door opened,

“I’m on nightshift; what’s the idea of hammering on the fucken’ door at this time of the day.”

“Sorry I didn’t realise,”

“That’s the problem with you Evan you never do.” Seeing Travis the man pulled his anger, “Travis,” he simply says.

“Good afternoon Mr. Williams,”

“Is mum home?” Evan asks.

“She’s shopping, so if you don’t mind I need my sleep.”

The door closed with a loud click without further exchange.

“I told you so,” Evan growled as they moved away from the house.

“Sorry I should have listened to you but I’ve met your old man on a number of occasions and he’s been quite civil.”

Both paused at the gate. Evan looked back and shook his head while releasing a loud and angry huff.

“It’s all but for show for his mates. With me he’s a right fucken’ cunt,” Evan swallowed a quick breath and as quickly expelled it, “ever since he lost his job and had to take on menial work at the meatworks he has become a fucken’ cunt.”

Travis laughed.

“What?”

“I’ve never seen you loose it before or use such language.”

“Did I shock you?” Evan says somewhat sarcastically while violently slamming the wire gate, catching a finger on the latch but refusing to acknowledge the pain.

“Not at all, I like that side of you; it proves you’ve got balls.” Travis was gilding the lily a little.

Evan gave him a glance and realised his friend was teasing and settled from his anger. “No really Travis how would you like to grow up with a man like that.”

Travis placed his arm around Evan’s neck and tugged him away from the gate, “come on we’ve a train to catch.”

Bradley met the two at Tolga and as they walked from the station bragged about his new toy, a new tray truck standing proudly in the car park.

“Red,” Travis declared disapprovingly,

“So?”

“Red is the colour of insecurity.”

“Who says that?”

“Our teacher in art class,”

“Then he’s a fuckwit,”

“She;”

“Then she’s a fuckwit, besides I like red and don’t forget your pink on the buggy, that’s sort of red,” Bradley protested as he opened the door, “You will have to squeeze in and one of you will have the gearstick between your legs.”

Evan was first in, “I don’t mind as long as you know which stick to put into gear,” he comically answered while wriggling about for comfort.

“You never change,” Bradley sighed, “by the way Roy is up at the moment.”

“Good I need to speak with him,” Travis answered as he squeezed in beside Evan.

“I won’t ask you about your trip, the kid has told me everything. His bloody letters are pages long and you need a university degree to decipher them,” Bradley complained while spinning the wheels in boast, then speeding along the Atherton – Tolga road before turning midway through the Tolga scrub, “zero to sixty in six.” He declared loudly over the revving of the engine but his bragging didn’t excite Travis in the least.

“Is that fast?” Travis felt he should ask.

“For me it is,”

Hardly had the three alighted from the vehicle before Bradley proudly commenced to show Travis the property. Stable for horses, cattle yards, sheds and while showing the workings of the Southern-Cross windmill and assuring unlike Bullock Creek this one worked properly Travis spied Roy.

“Travis good to see you back,” Roy greeted with a call from the verandah top.

“Hey Roy,”

“Have you finished chasing those rainbows?”

“I think so but I must apologise for not returning the saddle and Titch.” Travis approached and paused before reaching the verandah, “I will pay you back when I earn some money.”

“I heard all about that from Evan, no worries as I said the saddle and Titch were your’s to do what you wished with,” Roy answered.

“I will miss Titch,” Travis admitted.

“It was a silly name for such a proud animal,” Roy suggested.

“She has gone to a good home,”

“That is what counts lad,”

“What do you think of the house?” Bradley asks from his position a few steps behind Travis.

“It has a nice verandah,”

“Funny boy,”

“It appears big,” Travis commented as they entered.

The house was a rambling Queenslander in much the same style as that at Bullock Creek. Bradley liked big houses. He liked many rooms, a place where you could lose yourself and your imagination and his Tolga house, although quite old, had those qualifications, also a living room where you could hold a country dance with room still to set up the refreshment tables.

Bradley had prepared dinner for his adopted family and fussed over the electric stove being a new experience for him as the rest congregated in the so named dancehall. Travis left Roy and Evan in conversation and offered Bradley assistance, poking his nose into the bubbling pots and sniffing approvingly at its contents.

“What are you cooking?”

“Casserole,”

“Isn’t that just a fancy name for stew?”

“That depends on who is doing the cooking,” Bradley lifted a lid and tasted, “salt,” he says and put in a good measure.

“Don’t overdo it Bradley, you always used too much salt.”

“You are still being wife and mother I notice,” Bradley replaced the lid, “so everything worked out with you and Evan,”

“It seems so,” Travis coyly answered not wishing to divulge too much information about their developing relationship.

“I told you the little fellow more that liked you,”

“What do you mean?”

“Travis – Evan confides in me about everything and sometimes there is far too much information,”

“Oh,” Travis answered nervously.

“As for you both, Roy and I guessed so yonks back.”

“Oh,” Travis quietly repeated.

“Don’t worry it’s alright,” Bradley again lifted the lid giving a gentle stir, “almost ready.”

“When it comes to that, there is something I want to ask you,”

“Tell you what Travis lets all talk about it over dinner. I am sure there are many things about us all that need clearing up. Help set the table and call the others.”

After dinner with four well fed people sitting around the meal table and once all had shared their stories there was silence. It was Bradley who broke the developing silence, “Travis I believe there are a few questions you would like answered.”

“Not really,” Travis shrunk away from the obvious.

“Alright I’ll ask your questions for you,” Bradley declared in his usual sober tone. “Firstly, I have known about Evan for a long time as Evan never stopped talking about his feeling for you. As for you I thought maybe but could not be sure, even if Roy thought so of you.” Bradley paused then continued appearing to be choosing his words carefully and avoiding the word gay, or poof or homosexual or a dozen other distasteful characterizations that came up in groups of bonding males.

Travis listened without interruption.

“Myself? Yes in a way but as you may have thought; Roy and I are not a couple, he is more like a father to me,” Bradley paused and laughed, “a very young father maybe but I don’t think I’d be around today if it weren’t for Roy and I love him dearly. As for a relationship for myself, I haven’t met anyone I would like to share my sexual life with and most probably won’t. Besides I consider you lot to be my family. As for Roy, I’ll let him tell you himself,” Bradley turned to Roy who cleared his throat twice then faltered but it was too late, he must now out himself.

Facing his nephew, Roy spoke.

“Suppose this is directed to you Travis as you are the only one here who doesn’t know, even if you most probably expect. Yes I’m one of you and proud to be associated with you all and as Bradley said we are not a couple, Travis you met my partner back in Mareeba when you visited.”

“Trevor,” Travis interrupted.

“That’s him, we have been friends for quite some time but contrary to what the family think all those blonds were just coincidence as I don’t mix work with pleasure,” Roy paused, “well that’s me finished or as far as I’m going.”

Bradley commenced to clear the table, “come on Evan you can give me a hand and leave Roy and Travis to their conversation.”

Travis laughed.

“What’s got your funny Travis?” Bradley asks.

“I see Evan has become wifey,”

“And a better one than you were,”

Later that night as the conversation became flat. Evan and Bradley fussed about in the kitchen while Roy and Travis relaxed in the dark of the verandah.

Travis sighed loudly.

“What’s the problem Travis?” Roy asks as laughter erupted in the kitchen followed by the clash of cooking pots. Both turned their gaze towards the kitchen racket as it died to giggling.

“No problem,”

“Anyone want a beer?” Bradley called through the open door.”

“Got one,” Roy answered holding up his glass while viewing the kitchen light distort within the amber fluid.

Travis concurred.

“Bradley appears to be happy,” Travis admits.

“It was a promise I made long ago but until now wasn’t sure if he could manage his own property. He wanted me on title but I thought it better for him to own it outright.”

“Chasing rainbows,” Travis says in a distant tone.

“Aren’t you finished?”

“I guess so,”

“On that matter what was your conclusion?”

“I came to realise I wasn’t chasing rainbows; I was chasing my childhood but you can’t go back,” Travis paused with another sigh, he continued, “you must go on in life and enjoy the now and keep the past for what it is; fond memories, I know that now, eventually one must grow up and move on.” Travis became silent.

“True and you have Evan now and he will be more than enough to keep you entertained that is a certainty.”

“You do realise mum expects something is up with you,” Travis admitted.

“As probably do they all, your dad knows for sure but would never allow it to influence his opinion and would never share his knowledge.”

“Yes only this morning dad suggested so but was well guarded.”

“Your old man is a good bloke, don’t you forget it. Your mum is a little stiff but she has a heart of gold so don’t blame her for what she can not understand; besides it has always been her wish to be a grandmother.”

Travis laughs but diverts, “what made dad suspect you Roy?”

“You don’t grow up together without twigging onto something,” Roy perceived a question forming within Travis, “don’t even go there lad, your old man is a good honest worker and with Jim what you see is what you get.”

“I wasn’t, I wouldn’t,” Travis quickly backed away from the developing thought. “What about Kevin and Bill, do they know?”

“As with your mother, they expect but have no grounds to do so. Kevin is a little abrasive as he is somewhat homophobic but Bill is too slow to get it.”

“Homophobic,” Travis quizzes.

“Yea, look it up in the dictionary. Growing up they were too involved with themselves to bother about Jim and me. As for your mother, like with a lot of women an unmarried man has to be inclined; otherwise he would be soon taken to the altar.”

“Mum is always trying to match me with girls,” Travis admitted.

“Are you interested in marrying?”

“I always thought I was, I like the idea of having kids but I guess I always knew it wasn’t likely to happen. I now realise I can never have the lifestyle mum wants for me and I’m prepared to accept it.”

“What about Evan, what are your intensions?”

“I would like to think he will always be part of my life.”

“A warning lad, this is still a heterosexual society and I’ve seen how nasty it can get.”

“I do realise so Roy and have seen much of it for myself but I think Evan and I can handle it.”

Roy remained at Tolga for the following week, while on departing was confident he had done as much as possible for Bradley and his nephew and satisfied they with Evan could peacefully live together. As for Bradley he was more than willing to extend his family to include Travis as well as Evan and with Roy gone said so, besides his small holding was beginning to give him a good profit and was becoming too much to handle on his own.

The boys had been with Bradley for a number of weeks when Travis appeared to become moody. It was Evan who first noticed the change in his friend and spoke freely to Bradley but neither could give any reason. “There is one way to find out,” Bradley suggested.

“How?”

“Ask him,”

“I think it would be better coming from you, I’m somewhat clumsy with moods,”

Bradley gave a huff, “and you think I’m any better: Alright I’ll give it a go.”

Bradley waited until he found Travis alone at the stock yard watching over the small mob of bullocks feeding on the lush green Tableland grass.

“They are almost ready for the saleyard,” Bradley says.

“Yes and in better condition than those around Bullock Creek – Where’s Evan?”

“He’s taken the truck into Atherton about a job he saw advertised.”

“Oh,”

“He is concerned about you.”

“Why would that be?”

“We both have noticed you haven’t been yourself over the last day or so. Is there something worrying you?”

“Not at all but I would like to borrow the truck for a few hours,”

“Anytime, can I ask why?”

“You remember me talking about a mate Greg Stanley,”

“I do and he was killed in an accident,”

“I would like to visit the spot where he had the accident,”

“He is buried in Mareeba why not visit there,” Bradley suggests.

“No it has to be where he had the accident.”

A sunny April day, autumn by name if but not by nature and the only difference being the night’s were cooler. With the morning’s chores completed Travis had taken the truck to fulfil his last respects towards a departed friend. Evan suggested he should come but Travis explained it was something he needed to do alone but did take direction where to find the place of Greg’s accident and in sombre mood he passed through Millaa Millaa to a sharp bend in the road which appeared to have been consciously designed to avoid a grove of forest trees. The first being the largest of them all and that which took the full force of Greg’s motor.

The spot was easy to find as someone had placed a small wooden cross at the very point Greg’s motor left the road and the damage to the tree’s bark was still noticeable from the road even after such a long period, while part of the bike’s blue paint was still visible on the trunk.

Travis packed the truck and walked through the tall grass to the spot. All about there remained shards of plastic and metal from Greg’s motor bicycle.

Travis paused and took a deep breath, releasing it in a sigh.

“Greg, you stupid bastard,” he says.

“Why?”

Travis wanted to cry, he thought it proper to do so but couldn’t.

Travis remembered their late night rides and Greg laughing into the wind, believing even then it was as if Greg had a death wish.

He could almost feel the heat from Greg’s crotch on the palm of his hand as they sped through the night.

Smell Greg’s masculinity come through his expensive aftershave. Fuck-me-love was Greg’s word for its use. It sends the sheila’s wild he would say.

Travis smiled happily towards Greg’s gang and their silly pranks. He forgave Greg for his treatment of Raelene.

Could he have been a better friend for Greg?

‘I guess I could do no more,’ Travis thought.

He wished it was different but could not be.

Travis gave another deep sigh as he moved away but as he did was distracted by something in the grass beside the tree. It was a shoe and one he recognised to have belonged to Greg and his favourite, believing it was strange that he world wear dress shoes instead of his usual heavy boots to ride. Possible the accident was intentional as suggested by Evan and Greg wished to go out looking his best, ‘Greg would be vain enough,’ Travis thought.

Travis’ first thought was to keep the shoe but it may seem somewhat macabre, instead with a sharp stick he dug into the soft earth by the tree. He buried the shoe and covered it without further ceremony.

“I couldn’t be at your funeral Greg but I feel being here is closer to you and if there is a god or an afterlife, then Greg for Christ sake, leave off with the motor bikes.” Travis gave a smile towards his suggestion, a huff towards its irony and departed.

Back at the house it was noticed Travis’ mood had lifted but neither questioned him nor did Travis relate what he had discovered.

Evan had found work at the feedlot near Atherton and was to commence there the following week but Travis was still undecided on his future direction.

“Have you finished your travelling?” Bradley asks while bringing a round of cold beers. “Electric fridge,” he commented as he passed around the drinks.

“I’ve got Evan now, he’s enough for anyone,” Travis answered under protest from Evan for the light-hearted put down.

“I have a proposition for you both,” Bradley says with his usual stern tone, “you know the property is becoming too much for me to handle on my own but I can’t afford fulltime help. How about the two of you staying and we share the profits.”

“Do you mean that?” Travis challenged.

“It would keep the three of us together; beside if it weren’t for Roy I wouldn’t have the farm anyway,” Bradley admitted.

“I could use my wages from the feedlot to help,” Evan suggested.

It was quickly agreed and the three now content with the decision advanced to the verandah and the cool night air coming from the rich forest across the tall mountains of the Atherton Tablelands.

“Much cooler than Bullock Creek,” Bradley commented.

“That I know, besides I didn’t live in Herberton for all that time without feeling the cold and Herberton is higher and colder than here.”

“Yes Travis I remember your sordid tales of that place,”

“I don’t recollect sharing such stories with you.”

“Imagination, I can imagine what went on.”

Travis commenced to drift away from the conversation.

“What’s on your mind?” Bradley asks.

“I was thinking it has been little more than a year since I left school and it feels like a life time ago and so much has happened.”

“It has been an eventful year,” Bradley acknowledges, “have you any regrets?”

“None at all but if anyone would have said I would be,” Travis pauses.

“I think the modern word you are looking for is gay,” Bradley interrupts.

“That’s the word,”

“You could never say it could you Travis?” Bradley laughs while Evan sat silently smirking at Travis’ discomfort.

“Well if you must, I was going to say if anyone would have suggested that in no more than one year I would be living in a gay relationship, I would call them out. There you go I’ve said it.”

“Again any regrets?” Bradley asks.

“None and to be honest it is as if a load has been lifted from my shoulders.”

“What about your parents?” Bradley asks.

“I think dad knows well enough.”

“What about your mother?”

“Never, even now when I visit or telephone, she wants to know what girls I am dating.”

“She knows,” Evan says, “mothers always know.”

“I suppose so,”

“Cards anyone?” Evan suggests while cutting the deck.

“What do you think?” Bradley asked breathing heavily from the pungent mountain air. Travis gave contentment with Bradley’s new enterprise and Evan as usual agreed to anything as long as Travis was involved.

So a future had been confirmed.

THE END

Gary’s stories are about life in Australia as a gay man. Your emails to him are the only payment he receives. Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Gary dot Conder at CastleRoland dot Net

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