Published: 30 Jan 2020

Saturday and Port Douglas came like a lifting storm cloud. Instead of fishing Lewis remained cuddled into the broad back of Billy until well into the morning when at last Billy woke and rolled towards Lewis, poking him with the strongest erection possible. He laughed as he felt Lewis’ hand upon it, “piss fat,” he said, his voice rough from sleep as he pulled Lewis closer into his warmth.

It was mid afternoon and the two had walked the length of Three Mile Beach and rested on the rocks under a grove of coconut palms at the beaches end. Neither had said much during the walk and as they sat watching the waves ebb and flow Lewis felt the pressure reach capacity. He placed his hand on Billy’s shoulder and gently rocked him.

“Will,” he said softly his voice choked with emotion. Billy didn’t answer but fixed his gaze on dot on the horizon, as a fishing boat returned from the reef, the haze causing it to appear larger and distorted.

“What’s on your mind?” Billy softly asked without diverting from the returning boat.

“I can’t see you any more,” Lewis said as tears commence to well, he fought them back and felt a renewal of strength allowing him to continue. Billy remained transfixed with the boat as it moved towards Cairns but remained silent.

Eventually Billy responded, “Why?”

“I’m falling in love with you,” Lewis softly said, his voice hardly above whisper. Billy turned; his eyes were happy as he took hold of Lewis and roughly pulled him to his side, wrapping his broad arms around Lewis’ shoulders.

“Too late you goose, I’ve also fallen for you as well and did so long ago,” he freely admitted and laughed.

Lewis couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Men like Billy didn’t fall in love with other men. The pedestal he had placed Billy upon was tall and predominately heterosexual, with a little horseplay when suited. Billy would be the one that one day married and had that string of happy honey-blond kids Lewis dreamed about, while Lewis would bungle through life with high expectations and low realisations.

“What are we going to do about it?” Lewis asked as he felt Billy’s strong hand on his shoulder and a gentle finger removing a single renegade tear as it descended down his cheek.

“Nothing we will just go with the flow and something will work out.” Billy’s words were soothing and came from the heart, a place usually closed to all.

The weekend was too short and packing up on the Sunday afternoon was difficult, this would be the last time they were able to use the beach house, or at least for well into the foreseeable feature. Standing mid room Lewis gazed about looking for anything he may have missed, or that may announce the two had used Billy’s parent’s bedroom.

“Got everything,” Billy said shouldering his bag.

“I think so,” Lewis again looked about, “hang on yesterday’s underpants.”

“As well you found them, too small to be mine and not women’s, the parents would have questions to ask.”

“I’m sure that’s everything now; so we should be off.” Lewis finally announced.

“Come on, we’ll stop at the pub on the way back for a quick beer.”

“Can we stop at the pub in Stratford?”

“Why?”

“There’s a fish shop close by and seeing we were having a fishing weekend, I promised mum I’d bring back part of my catch.”

Late Sunday night Billy pulled up out side the Graham Hotel and both sat in silence with the motor playing a droning symphony to their melancholic tranquillity. At last Billy spoke in a sigh, as he patted Lewis on the thigh and cupped his crotch, giving Lewis a gentle squeeze.

“Suppose I better get the old man’s car back.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Only for tonight, hey how about meeting me Wednesday at about eight down by the Cairns Bridge?” Billy suggested as Lewis returned the leg pat and opened the door, he agreed and watched as Billy disappeared into the darkness at the end of Hort Street. “Comings and goings,” he softly said, “my life is nothing but comings and goings, never staying.”

“You about mum,” Lewis called as he entered. John answered from the sitting room. “She’s in the shop Lewis, how was the fishing?”

“Good I got you a couple of beauties,” Lewis offered them up for inspection.

“Who did the gutting?” John gave a smile as Winnie returned.

“What have you there Pet?” She asked.

“The barramundi I promised.”

“Nice ones, who caught them?”

“They are from a fish shop Win, even wrapped that way.” John laughed.

“So, I was promised they were only caught only this morning.” Lewis protested.

“Never mind who caught them, I’m sure they will be just fine.” Winnie guaranteed.

Monday night usually found Lewis at the Royal but on arrival he noticed Billy was behind the bar, standing momentarily, he watched him mingling with the patrons. McKee was a chameleon, there was the bawdy side that soaked up crude and blokeish attitude and ogled after tits and a piece of arse and getting his end in; while the chameleon’s softer side was only known to Lewis and proudly so.

Lewis swelled with that pride as he stood watching his chameleon while yearning to walk up to the bar and throw his arms around Billy’s neck but the agreement was to take it slowly, so instead he about turned and headed to visit Ashley before Billy spotted him.

“You’re looking smug Herbie,” Ashley said as he watch Lewis push deeply into the couch, his feet up on a foot-stool. Finishing his beer Lewis folded his arms across his chest, allowing the suggested smugness to intensify.

“What makes you say that?”

“Well if I didn’t know better, I would say you were in love.”

“Maybe I am,” Lewis said chuckling and beaming the widest smile Ashley had seen from him in quite a while.

“Who’s the unlucky boy?” Ashley said as he returned with a second beer, “that’s your last I’m out until I do the shopping.” Lewis accepted the offer.

“You know I haven’t always been totally honest with you Ashley,” Lewis admitted as he gazed long into the brownness of the beer bottle, while swirling the beverage in circles. He asked for a glass.

“In what way haven’t you been honest?”

“Well I suppose I’m a bit bisexual.”

“A bit Lewis is there such a thing as a bit?” Ashley laughed cruelly.

“All right all right, as you say don’t label it!” Lewis sounded angered and became sullen.

“Ok mate on a serious note what is the problem.”

“Well I have been seeing someone but neither of us have anywhere to meet and I wondered if we could use the bungalow now and then?”

“What are you feelings towards this someone?”

“Don’t worry there’s no under aged stuff,” Lewis cut in but didn’t appear completely ready to confide fully in Ashley.

“As I said what are you feelings towards this person?” Ashley repeated.

“When we are together it hurts like hell and when we are apart I just want to die.” As he spoke Lewis felt himself choke slightly but as quickly refrained, “As I said I don’t know what love is but shit, if this is love then its bloody agony.”

Lewis immediately regretted he had spoken so freely and embarrassment was now in control.

“What does Billy McKee think about all this?” Ashley asked, his words exploding in Lewis’ head like a bomb.

“What do you mean McKee?” Lewis drew anger from Ashley’s statement as his voice rose hoarse in defence. How could he know about Billy or was it only a lucky guess.

“I saw you getting into his father’s car a time back and what do you know? I again saw you getting out of the car on Sunday night. Don’t forget I was on the evening shift and was heading home.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Lewis protested then realised that time for protest was no more. He had travelled the road of sincerity to this distance, so he may as well continue. “Okay true and he feels the same but don’t you say anything.”

“Do I ever?”

“True but I don’t think Will is ready to open up to anyone else.”

Surprisingly Ashley appeared understanding and not judgemental, as usually the very mention of Billy’s name would send him into a spin.

“You’re a strange one Lewis and may I say lucky. Anyone who can have Billy McKee fall for them, well all I can say is you must have something and plenty of it.”

“Trouble is because of his past, we don’t want to be seen socialising as it may appear somewhat; well incongruous.”

“Big word for a little boy.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do and I feel for you and maybe I can help”

“How?”

“How would you like to house sit for a few weeks?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going down to Sydney in a couple of weeks and you and Billy can house sit while I’m away.”

“You don’t like Billy.” Lewis said as Ashley’s suggestion sunk in.

“I do like you and if you think he’s changed then it’s alright by me.”

Lewis had never played house before nor had he shared one on one and now felt a measure of excitement flow over him. Then his negativity became apparent, thinking Billy would never agree to stay in Ashley’s house, even with Ashley away. “That sounds great to me but I don’t know if Will is ready for anyone knowing about him.” Lewis said as the excitement diminished.

“Well Herbie it’s up to you, I can’t know and not know about the two of you and your situation.”

“I’ll ask him, why are you going down to Sydney?”

“Only taking some leave from the station and Alice wishes to run something past me about university for the eldest.”

“How long will you be away?” Lewis asked showing more interest in Ashley than before, while settling into the idea that Ashley knew his woes and gave the impression that he was sympathetic towards Lewis’ dilemma.

“About three weeks,” Ashley answered. “Well Herbie, I don’t like to say it but I have a programme to prepare,” Ashley rose to show his visitor out.

“I get the hint, oh I almost forgot,” Lewis followed along the passage.

“What would that be?”

“That mate of yours, Bob Furlong.”

“Acquaintance is what I recollect saying,” Ashley corrected.

“Then acquaintance but if you do see him give him a warning, Trevor Davies the bloke I work with is on to him and has intent to put him in for being a pederast.”

“I’ll pass it on but I thought you didn’t much like him?” Ashley suggested.

“I don’t but I like Trevor Davies even less.”

With half an hour to spare before his meeting with Billy, Lewis walked along Barron Street to the vacant block behind the McKee residence. There was a light burning in Billy’s room and dull illumination struggling through the opaque glass panel on the rear door. Lewis quietly crossed the vacant block, while pausing at the rear fence of the McKee property in the shadows of a grove of stunted trees. He faltered as the rear light came on and Billy’s mother appeared calling the cat for its supper. Her voice set off the neighbour’s dog, sending Lewis further into the darkness of the grove and the neighbour once more into a fit of abuse.

“That poor dog,” he whispered.

“Who said it’s a dog’s life,” he answered his whisper sympathy.

The grass felt cool under his unclad feet as Lewis walked along the river bank towards the bridge, then back again to see if Billy was approaching. He wasn’t, so Lewis returned to the bridge and settled in the darkness beneath the wooden span, while listening to the river as it rippled against its banks. Occasionally the water’s enchantment became disturbed by the thundering of a vehicle over the loose planks about his head, then the solitude returned and the wait intensified.

There was a rustling sound coming from the long grass somewhere off to his right and moments later a large black Labrador dog came bounding up to him. It sniffed Lewis’ feet, wagged its entire rear end, barked and was gone as a piercing whistle filled the quiet from the direction of the disappearing canine.

Lewis settled from his start then was given a second from the opposing direction, as a dark shadow appeared against the light pollution from town’s luminosity.

“You made it then?” It was Billy and as he stood beyond the darkness beneath the bridge the moonlight caught his face making Lewis smile.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” Lewis asked and patted the ground beside. Billy took the offer, sitting quietly with his chin resting on his knees.

“Did I tell you that this was my favourite place when I was growing up? I would sneak down here after bed and sit for hours listening to the water.”

He stretched his long powerful legs, while leaning back on both elbows, he laughed, “and did you know sharing a bedroom with two brothers didn’t give much privacy.” Billy sat up and pretended to be looking for something, “I am sure if you look hard enough you can still see my cum stains in the dirt.”

“You randy bugger!”

“Had to mate there wasn’t anywhere to have a quiet pull at home. With two brothers sharing the room and a younger sister following me around like a pet puppy, this was about the only place I could have a tug.”

“You never talk much about your brothers?”

“I guess one’s okay, the younger but the other one’s a bit of a no hoper and I don’t get along with him, he’s away working in the mines most of the time.”

“Do they look like you?”

“One does,” Billy answered and laughed.

“What’s the joke?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“How much younger is he to you?” Lewis asked.

“Not a lot at all.”

“What’s the big secret?” Lewis insisted.

“One day I’ll tell you,” Billy remained noncommittal.

“You haven’t – have you?” Lewis grinned as sex once again raised its sweet head.

“Na nothing like that and if I were to tell you, possibly it may change everything.”

“You now have me worried.”

Billy remained steadfast refusing to divulge further, “one day Lewis I will tell all but until then nothing more – okay?”

“I agree but you can’t blame a bloke for thinking.”

The conversation and thought of Billy and life with his brothers transported Lewis back to the hostel and how one would have to wait until the boy in the upper or lower bunk commenced their pleasure, timing your own strokes in tune with his so not to be discovered. On many a night out of the quiet and darkness would come a piercing cry; “hey stop shaking the bed!” followed by a volley of laughter, with the guilty participant either declaring innocence or gave the pretence of one in deep sleep.

During the daylight hours, if the mood took you and it always did, there was a multitude of nooks and crannies where one could crawl and relieve the tension. One being amongst a thicket of bushes close to the study block, problem being it was a favourite for many and coming out stinking of Lantana was a dead give away.

“Like when you were a kid do you want to ad some more to the dirt?” Lewis suggested while running his hand down Billy’s chest and stomach, feeling the ripple of muscles under a tight t-shirt.

By the turning of the evening the traffic across the bridge had all but stopped, now only the river gave harmony to their reflective engagement.

“Do you want to know something Will?” Lewis said standing and dusting the seat of his pants as he moved from the bridge’s darkness into the moonlight.

“What do I want to know?”

“I wish I could remain here under the bridge with you forever.” Billy hadn’t moved and Lewis rejoined him in the darkness on the grass.

“Want to meet me again Saturday night?” Billy asked, placing his arms around Lewis’ shoulders dragging him close. Lewis breathed deeply of Billy’s scent and became overpowered.

“Saturday night and Sunday night and Monday night,” Lewis answered.

“Now that sounds like fun,” Billy laughed.

Both knew Mareeba was much too homophobic to accept what they felt for each other and even their friendship would set tongues in motion. It may have been different if they had grown up together or maybe even if Billy hadn’t such a reputation, along with his fathers standing in the community, then there may have been a chance. Even so the most destructive element to their relationship was the fear of being branded as poofters, which made their paranoia increase with each meeting, yet it wasn’t strong enough to keep them apart.

“Will, I know a way we can be together for a few weeks without leaving Mareeba?”

Billy appeared interested and enquired how it could be done.

“Are you sure you wont become angry?”

“Of course not!” Will snapped; “How?”

“I don’t think you will like it.”

“For Christ’s sake Lewis, tell me and stop fucking about!”

Lewis faltered then gained the courage to continue.

“Ashley is going south for a few weeks and has asked me to house sit.”

“Did you tell him about me?” Billy seemed concerned but quickly settled.

“He knows that I am seeing someone and he knows it isn’t a girl and I thought that you could join me.”

“I don’t think so,” Billy’s answer wasn’t a convincing negative, which gave Lewis strength to continue.

“He isn’t a bad bloke, I know he is a bit – you know but you could trust him with your life.”

“You’re holding something back Lewis, I know how you work.”

“Okay, he does know about you but he worked it out, after seeing you drop me off at the Graham, I didn’t tell him.”

“He wouldn’t accept me after the broken windows and the stealing.”

“You were a kid then, I don’t think he will hold it against you.

Billy became silent as he once again placed his head on his knees, then he sprung to his feet.

“Come on Lewis time to go. I’ll go first and you wait five minutes.” Billy moved into the moonlight, “hey see you here at ten Saturday night and I’ll give you my answer.” Then he was gone.

It was a good half an hour before Lewis moved out of the shadow of the bridge and commenced homeward bound. As he passed the vacant block behind the McKee’s house he paused. The house was in darkness, giving belief that Billy was well asleep and as was his custom lying naked beneath a single cool sheet. How he wanted to be beside him cuddled into his back and breathing deeply of his masculinity but instead he returned to the solitude of his single bed and the memory of Billy’s scent as he brought himself once again that night to climax.

“You quiet?” Trevor asked as he passed by Lewis, carrying a case of pineapples to the front of the display. Lewis didn’t answer. He was growing tired of Trevor’s questioning and constant suggestive statements.

“What were you doing in Barron Street late last night?” Trevor asked on his return from stacking the pineapples.

“Taking a walk.”

“Who were you talking to?”

“What do you mean?” Lewis felt his face burst into a prickling sensation and flush with discovery, “I wasn’t talking to anyone.”

“I saw you with some bloke with a dog.”

“I wasn’t he just happened to be passing, I don’t think he even knew I was there.” Fortunately for Lewis Trevor had discovered his presence only moments before Billy arrived and must have moved on not seeing he and Billy together.

“You know McKee lives in the next street?”

“I know that,” Lewis took a deep breath, “look Trevor, Billy’s not such a bad bloke and I haven’t anything against him,” he paused, “I thought you’re somehow related to him.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like him.” Trevor gave a sneer and moved away.

“Is it because of the fight back at school?” Lewis asked.

“That and other things.”

Shit Trevor, if I held onto every tiff at school I’d have no one to talk to,” Lewis made light of the incident.

“It’s none of you business,” Trevor growled.

“So stop making it my business by going on about McKee all the time.”

Trevor backed away from the conversation and returned to his work. Moments later he was back.

“You know that poof mate of yours?” Trevor growled, bringing on panic in Lewis believing he may be referring to Ashley.

“Who?”

“You know Bob Furlong.”

“He’s no mate of mine.”

“Well never mind that, someone must have warned him off.” Trevor appeared to be disappointed.

“I don’t get ya’.”

“You know what I was telling you about having underage kids and I was going to put him in to the cops.”

“I do recollect you going on about it.” Lewis admitted.

“Don’t have to now, the bugger has left town.”

“So the sex police have failed in their work.” Lewis felt most pleased with the news.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be back and I’ll be ready.”

Fortunately by the lunch break Trevor was back to his obnoxious self and once in their usual lunch spot under the main street mango trees, he gave grace to his latest conquest.

“Do you like older women Lewis?” he asked as he picked a large slice of tomato from his sandwich, which he allowed to fall to the grass beside his feet. Soon a pigeon took privilege of the slice and quickly retreated to security as Trevor kicked at it.

“I hate tomato,” he decreed, “I told that bloody girl, no tomato and what did she do? She gives me tomato.”

“My mother is an older woman,” Lewis answered knowing well what Trevor meant, “and I like my mother, as I do my Grandmother in Melbourne and she’s much older.”

“No stupid, I don’t mean family, I mean a bit of you know what.”

“Don’t you have respect for anyone?” Lewis asked shaking head in disgust.

“Of course I do and this time I didn’t start it.”

“Okay mister hot stuff, tell all,” Lewis said knowing that he would anyway, so he may as well fake interest.

“You know that old rich biddy that has me carry stuff to her Bentley every time she shops?”

“Do you mean Mrs. Butler, who has the big house up past the Catholic Church?”

“Yes that’s her.”

“She’s not that old only about thirty-five.”

“Forty-two and that’s old enough to be old. Anyway I carried her bags out to the car and when she opened the boot and before I could dump them in, she grabbed me on the dick and asked if I would like to earn some money,” Trevor then took hold of himself to display her grip.

“Bull shit!”

“No bull she was hot for it.”

“Then she would have been disappointed,” Lewis suggested noting the small bulge under the grasp of Trevor’s fingers.

“Never mind that- it grows mate. Anyway she invited me around that night and as soon as I entered the house, she was on me like a mad woman, she literally raped me and it was great.”

“Must have been good you’re getting a fat thinking about it,” Lewis nodded to the slight bulge in Trevor’s trousers.

“Shit man I got money as well,” Trevor patted his pocket, “and I’m going back again tonight.”

“There’s a name for blokes like you, you’re a gigolo,” Lewis said in disgust, “isn’t she married?” he asked sounding even more disgusted than before.

“Was mate, was and now she is starved for a bit of young dick. You should get yourself some older skirt, they really know how to wring out every last drop of spoof from your sack” Trevor gave a filthy laugh and declared it time to return to work.

Midway across the street, while dodging between Mareeba’s attempt at a traffic jam, Trevor dropped a bomb shell, “some times Lewis I think you don’t like girls, you’re not a poof are you.”

“Of course I do but I don’t have to brag about my conquests every time I open my mouth,” Lewis protested.

“When was your last fuck and I’m not counting Jody?” Trevor asked as they reached the footpath in safety.

“Mind you own business.”

“Told you mate, loosen up and go with the flow, get yourself a good root to clear those stodgy cobwebs you have.”

After his conversation with Trevor, Lewis became concerned that any further encounters with Billy under the bridge may be discovered. He therefore decided to contact Billy and change their rendezvous but hadn’t any idea how he would do so before their next meeting. Eventually he realised there was only one way and during lunch on the following day, Lewis excused himself from Trevor and quickly made his way to the Royal knowing Billy would be working dayshift.

There were only three patrons in the bar as Lewis entered and propped himself against the wall in his favourite corner, unnoticed by McKee who was attending to the needs of the farmers. Eventually he spied Lewis and approached as he would any other customer.

“Beer?” Billy asked in his usual bar manor, Lewis nervously agreed.

“What are you doing here at this time of day? Shouldn’t you be at work?” Billy whispered, leaning out as he wiped down the bar in front of Lewis.

“We have to change the meeting place for Saturday,” Lewis said in a low voice.

“Why?”

“That bloody Trevor, saw me there last time but fortunately he didn’t see you.”

“Shit!” Billy’s voice was louder than he anticipated and the drinkers at the other end of the bar turned their heads towards Billy but as quickly returned to their conversation.

“How about down by the Granite?” Lewis said softly.

“No I’ll have dad’s car, so I’ll pick you up at the Graham about Eight.”

“Done.” Lewis quickly downed his beer and left, leaving Billy talking crop prices with the now four patrons.

“You’ve been drinking?” Trevor accused as Lewis’ return to their usual lunching spot.

“Only one, I met a mate down the street and we went to the Royal.”

“I suppose you’re mate McKee was there?”

“Your relation – yes he was – how did you go last night?”

“What are you on about?”

“You said you were meeting your older lady once more,” Lewis reminded.

“Got a fuck but no money.”

“So you’re servicing the ladies for free now?”

“No the bitch drained me then told me to piss off.” Trevor was most peeved as it wasn’t often he allowed a female to have the better of him. He could twist the young ones around his finger but real women, they were much too cleaver and his callow ways were not fetching to their experience. Trevor appeared repented for a moment but his ego converged and once more he released a barrage of insulting terminology against the Butler woman’s treatment.

“What did you do wrong?”

“I asked her for the money and she went off,” Trevor complained shaking his head in disbelief how any girl, or woman, could resist his charms.

“So what did she say?”

“She told me to get out and that I wasn’t worth it and then started hurling things at me,” Trevor laughed, “I got such a fright I ran down the passage naked carrying my clothes. Lucky it was dark outside as I had to dress near the front gate and I lost a sock.” He thought for a moment then continued, “doesn’t matter, she was too dry and so over drilled that you could fit your fist up there without touching the sides.”

“Aren’t you scared of catching something with all this rooting?” Lewis asked, feeling a shudder as he remembered the stories the old men told about brothels and of 81 Banda Street in Cairns, which was alleged to be a house of ill repute.

“You can only catch the clap from gins,” Trevor declared with faith in his conviction.

“Maybe so but it is white blokes like you who give it to the native girls.” Lewis retorted.

“Anyway enough of that, what is it with you drinking during the day and during your lunch break?”

“Wasn’t my idea and as I say I met a mate and couldn’t refuse.”

“Who?”

“You do ask a lot of questions,” Lewis thought and came up with the first name that surfaced but needed more time to fix his lie, “you wouldn’t know him, he was from the hostel.”

“Again I ask who, possible I do know this mate of yours, I know quite a few that went to the hostel.”

Lewis was now in need of a re-thinking, he was going to use the name of Simon Risley but seeing Trevor admitted knowing a number of the hostel boys he diverted to a name from his first school in Torrens Creek, “George Watson, do you know him?”

“Na, but you are boring me anyway.”

“You asked.”

“Now I’m sorry I did, come on or we’ll have Cookie on our back.” Trevor led on, “I reckon you’re up to something.”

“If I am the sex police will soon find out.”

Gary’s stories are all about what life in Australia was like for a homosexual man (mostly, long before we used the term, “gay”). Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Gary dot Conder at CastleRoland dot Net

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