Published: 23 Jan 2020

Barron Street was directly behind Ross Street and adjacent to the river bank, with a wide grassy verge between. On entering the street, Lewis could hear the roar from the recent heavy rain as it travelled through the town on its way to the Barron Falls and the coast beyond. There was little lighting in the street so he felt clandestine enough to be hidden from prying eyes as he approached the vacant block behind the McKee house.

On reaching the block he looked up and down then entered to the sound of a dog barking on its chain behind the house to the right of the block. “Shut it you mongrel!” A man’s voice called through the rear door. The dog quietened but regained its bark when Lewis neared the low wire fence that separated the McKee property from the vacant block. He hesitated when the neighbour again poured abuse onto the watchful animal. Then there was the piercing sound of yelping as the un-expecting animal received an aggressive boot to the ribs, followed by another barrage of foul language. ‘Poor dog, it’s only doing his job,’ Lewis thought.

A short step and he was in the McKee yard, passing the dark form of a row of cabbage, with a back drop of struggling tomatoes, while to his left a line of shrubs acted as a fence barrier between the McKee residence and its neighbour and the watchful dog. It gave a final low woof but remembering previous treatment returned to silent.

With his hand paused to knock upon the rear door it opened and Billy’s smiling face appeared illuminated by the outside light. “I heard the dog and guessed it was you.” He was shirtless and wearing an over sized pair of shorts, with a draw string at the waist with coconut palms and beach scenes adorning the happy material. Lewis’ heart jumped at the sight.

“You made it then, I thought you would change your mind,” Billy said as he stepped aside to allow access.

“Sorry I’m a little late, was held up at work – hey I like your dacks, where did you get them?”

“They wouldn’t fit you.”

“I could use one leg,” Lewis laughed.

“They’re called board or surf shorts and are all the go with the surfers down south.”

“Rather see them off,” Lewis smirked.

“Don’t worry you will soon enough.”

“Where did your parents go?”

“They have gone down to the Port Douglas house” Billy answered and handed Lewis a beer, “here you go, your own pipe line to the brewery, had it ready for your arrival.” He said relating to the latest radio advertisement for canned beer.

“You know I really loved our weekend away,” Lewis assured, seating at the end of the couch leaving room for Billy to join him. Billy didn’t answer. After turning out the overhead light and lighting a side lamp he joined Lewis on the couch.

“Hey Will, I work with a bloke called Trevor Davies and he really has the dirty on you, what did you do to him?” Lewis asked as he sipped his beer. He paused, “got a glass, it’s better than sucking on a can.”

Billy fetched a glass, “a bit sooky isn’t it?” he said as Lewis decanted his beer.

“That’s what everyone says.”

“As for Davies, I’ve seen him in Jack and Newells,” Billy answered without displaying interest one way or the other.

“What did you do to him?”

“Not much, I roughed him up a little at school.”

“A little, no one can even mention your name while he’s about.”

“Maybe it was a bit more than a little but the only blood was from a weak nose and he didn’t have any broken bones and hardly any bruising.” Billy said and gave a wry smirk, “you know Lewis back at school I had a real bad name but most of it was just showing off and unfortunately it grew with me although I wasn’t all that bad.”

“Davies said you broke his arm and nose.”

“Somewhat exaggerated there,” Billy laughed.

“He also appears quite homophobic.”

“That’s a big word for a little fellow like you.” McKee laughed.

“Ashley uses it – hey I’m not that little. Lewis complained.

“Just the right size in all aspects.”

“You used to stir me,” Lewis said remembering how Billy treated him that day in Atherton and on a number of occasions at the Royal, “and twice you threatened to fuck me.”

“Maybe I meant it.”

“I’ve never done that!” Lewis gulped as he squirmed in his seat.

“Neither have I, well not with a bloke but I meant what I said but you didn’t realise truth when it was staring you in the face.”

“I thought you were just being the bad boy.”

“Maybe I was but I meant what I said.”

“Stop it you’re giving me an erection!” Lewis complained as he adjusted his crotch.

“Then come to my room and we’ll do something about it.” Billy whispered and led Lewis to the rear of the house.

“You know Will I still don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get?”

“Why you with your looks, experience and the best body in town would be interested in me.”

“Have some faith in yourself;” Billy answered as he closed his bedroom door behind.

“What happens if your parents return early?” Lewis asked nervously, standing ridged in the middle of the room and perceiving his reflection on the glass of the window.

“Don’t worry, they never come in here if the door is closed and you can jump out the window if that was to happen. They won’t be back until Sunday afternoon, I promise,” Billy assured waving his hand in descriptive manner about his room, “Well what you think of my bedroom, seeing it’s the first time you’ve seen it.”

“It looks like a bedroom and I like all the posters of girls with big tits.” Lewis answered viewing a row of four girlie posters on the far wall, one straddling a Harley-Davis motorcycle while the other three were wet and wonderful, showing nipples as big as saucers through very damp t-shirts.

“I never said that I didn’t like girls, besides they are a good cover. I couldn’t have a photo of you with you dick hanging out; it would be a bit of a give away don’t you think?”

“That it would.”

“One other thing, although I would love you to, you won’t be able to stay the weekend; the cleaning lady comes by at around eleven in the morning.”

Also in the bedroom was a three quarter size bed, a desk and chair and a wardrobe with a full length mirror between its doors. Above the desk was a small shelf, lined with sporting awards Billy had won back in high school for swimming, running and rugby union.

You know Will; I would have loved to have known you that one term I was at Mareeba state, back in sixty-two.” Lewis said remorsefully.

“You did!”

“When?”

Billy lay back on his bed, “come and join me,” he said as he patted the surface of the bedspread, then closed the curtains against the outside world. “Do you remember being picked on by Rex Gordon, who was giving you a hiding to nothing until someone stepped in and laid him out?” Lewis admitted remembering the incident but didn’t know what it had to do with knowing Billy, “That fellow who laid Gordon out was me!”

“Well I’ll be buggered; you sure looked different back then.”

Yea all legs and arms but I still packed a punch and that day was the beginning of my bad name, so you were the cause.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you were worth it,” As Billy spoke he pulled Lewis close and ran him hands under his shirt along his chest and stomach to his belt, which he quickly undid, then popping the stud he descended the zip, leaving Lewis open to his advance.

“Pity we weren’t down At Port Douglas.” Lewis whispered, feeling somewhat exposed in Billy’s room. At the coast there was a degree of neutrality but here he felt as if the entire town was watching.

Alas with Lewis’ desire came grievous news. Billy’s dad was about to rent out the beach house on a long term base. There was a chance they may be able to have one more weekend there but it would have to be soon. This would also mean his parents wouldn’t be away weekends, closing off any rendezvous’ at home.

With the news Lewis became sullen like one who was given a bright new toy and as quickly had it taken away.

“Don’t worry somehow it will work out,” as he spoke Billy loosened the draw string to his board shorts and quickly removed, placing them over Lewis’ head, “I want to try something that I’ve never done before,” he said as Lewis laughed and childishly made noises under the covering of the shorts. Lewis commenced to remove the shorts from his face but felt Billy’s hand gripping his wrist, “leave them there, you’re not to watch or I won’t do it!” Billy hissed from beyond the fabric. Lewis remained desist beneath the palms and beach scenes as the scent of Billy filled him completely.

Never before had the scent of a man overwhelmed him as much as did Billy. Not even Ian could surpass what he felt and like one drugged his mind spun. Then it happened he sensed the warmth of Billy’s mouth slide over his dick and delivery its ecstasy. Lewis removed the shorts to gaze silently down onto the top of Billy’s head while placing both hands gently onto Billy’s broad and powerful shoulders.

“Stop mate.” Lewis said gently and restrained the movement of Billy’s head. Billy paused and disengaged.

“What’s wrong? Don’t you like it?” Billy asked as he lay back on the bed next to Lewis.

“Like it! I love it but if you keep it up you’ll get more than you bargained for.” Lewis quickly stripped his clothes and threw himself down on the bed next to Billy.

“Now it’s your turn but without the blindfold.” Lewis nervously laughed as he slowly lowered his mouth close to Billy’s erection but halted a breath away from touch, where he almost recoiled from the act but was overcome by Billy’s scent which drove him to deliver.

The news about Barry Wise came the same day as the letter from Sarah. Lewis was homeward bound from work when he ran into Digger Harvey, a shady associate of Wise. Digger Harvey received his nickname from the fact that his father had been a Rat of Tobruk Digger in North Africa during the last European war, when they dug in and held out against the Germans but unlike his father Ross Harvey, he lacked his father’s honesty and courage. Instead Digger was blessed with scheming and deceit but was too dim-witted to act alone and was easily led by others.

Wise filled that profile and after Lewis had refused to join him in his gardening scheme Wise had seconded Harvey to do the watering, leaving poor Digger with little food and alone to care for his crop, sometimes for days at a time with only a sheeting of tarpaulin strung between trees as shelter and a plastic ground sheet for his bed.

It appeared that Constable Ryan had known about Wise’s escapade from the outset and had guessed that Wise had attempted to corrupt Lewis, also deducting that Lewis had refused by the fact that the following day, Harvey arrived on the scene.

The crop was deemed to be the most miserable collection of emaciated plants that had ever been encountered but they were enough to land Wise back inside, where he enjoyed the company of his already incarcerated father, while waiting trial for growing and supplying an illegal substance. Not that Wise had taken his enterprise past twenty or so withered specimens and had absolutely no idea how to harvest the crop never mind supply. As for Harvey, he was released to be charged at a latter date, most probably for being an idiot.

The second item of news was the letter from Sarah. It appeared her pregnancy had terminated after her cane farmer suffered cold feet and disappeared. It was suggested his parents sent him south and had paid for an abortion but the latter was unsubstantiated rumour and didn’t eventuate until months later. Sarah’s letter was most cordial, doused with hints that possibly they could become friends once more but lacked suggestion of becoming an item. Lewis felt sympathy for Sarah but negated intention to answer the letter, nor could he destroy it, so it was folded with others in the box with his diary and Ian’s pair of underpants.

There was one thing that Sarah’s letter did lack and that was any news on the marriage of his cousin Liz and Ian. Was it still to be a September wedding or would they revert to their original plan which would be only weeks away and would he still be expected to attend?

Lewis was still smarting from the pain of being rejected as best man and non-forgiving towards his cousin’s reading of his diary and remained negative towards being just one of the crowd, besides with all his attention directed towards Billy, he had almost forgotten Ian totally, as for Liz, she hadn’t been in his thoughts before she arrived in Mareeba and was definitely not in them now she had moved on.

That week also brought an item of correspondence he had almost forgotten was imminent. It was marked Commonwealth of Australia and from the Department of Labour and National Service. On first receipt he thought it may have been Electoral Roll Papers, then realising that one had to be Twenty-one to vote, he became all to aware it was his time to enrol for the National Service ballot.

“That appears officious,” Winnie mentioned as Lewis scanned the envelope.

“You can guess what it is but I thought at first it was voting” Lewis answered.

“You have to be twenty-one to vote,” Winnie corrected.

“True but it’s funny you can die in a war at twenty but can’t vote for your future.”

“Don’t be in a rush to vote love; they are all as bad as each other.”

“Who do you vote for mum?” Lewis asked realising he had never heard his mother comment on politics, except for the occasional dig against the Prime Minister Robert Menzies, calling him pig-iron Bob, a title he inherited for selling pig-iron to the Japanese, who, it was said, returned it in bullets.

“There are three things you never bring up in polite conversation.” Winnie proclaimed.

“Yes I know politics, religion and sex.” Lewis answered.

“You got it in one kiddo.”

The reality was upon him, until then the draft was something in the distant future that would look after its self, now it was real and he was holding his future in his hand. It crossed his mind to destroy the enrolment card and declare that he had never received it but the image of those who avoided the draft and protested and how they were treated, soon brought him back to reality. There was no other way, he would have to apply to the nation’s desires and enrol. He did so and once his registration was posted Lewis once again placed the thought aside.

Tuesday – 23^rd July 1968

Had a letter from Sarah, I think she wants me back again but with ‘W’ now in the picture, I don’t have time or thoughts for her. She said she had lost the baby and her farmer has fled south. Barry Wise is back inside with his father and I’m glad I didn’t agree to help with his so named illegal crop.

Received my enrolment papers for national service and now I’m somewhat scared. Funny only a few months back I loved the idea but now with ‘W’ it is the last thing I want. What makes it worse I think that I think more about ‘W’ than anything else and it’s becoming stronger by the day. Sick of work and also Trevor Davies who has become a right arse ache.

Lewis had just posted his enrolment form into the drop box, marked other states at the post office, when a voice caught his attention from the street. Turning he observed a bright red Holden sedan, its driver hanging out of the window and loudly whistling at him. It was Ian, alone and much changed. He no longer had the little bright eye boy appearance that Lewis recollected; now there was respectability and conformity. His hair was short and his clothing conservative.

“Hey Lewis?” He shouted as the vehicle came to stop.

“Ian?”

“Hop in.”

“What are you doing in Mareeba?” Lewis asked with much surprise.

“Visiting my cousin up on the Tableland and I couldn’t return home without seeing you.”

“What’s being happening down in Townsville?” Asked Lewis feeling that he again was second choice but this time it no longer mattered, as any affection he had had for Ian had long diminished and now he even wondered if there was still friendship between them.

“Liz and I are married!” Ian declared with a measure of excitement and what appeared to be an inkling of regret.

“Oh Congratulations,” Lewis answered attempting to sound sincere, “when?”

“Last month and why weren’t you there?”

“I thought it was later in the year?”

“It was but after Sarah’s mishap we again brought it forward. You were sent an amended invitation.”

“I didn’t get it,” Lewis admitted truthfully, later he discovered his Cousin Liz had neglected posting it. She declared accidentally but Lewis knew better, when it came to him and Liz nothing was accidental.

“Never mind but you must visit, we have plenty of room.”

“Who owns the car,” Lewis ignored the amended invite.

“It’s mine a wedding present from the old man. Come on I’ll take you for a spin.” Soon they were past town limits and scooting at speed along the Atherton road.

“How do you like my new car?” Ian asked proudly while showing off to the best of his ability. Twisting radio knobs, constantly changing stations and throwing the vehicle through the gears.

“Better than mine was, I lost it in the cyclone you know.”

“The shit box, Sarah told me about that,” Ian spun the car’s wheels while passing the drive-In theatre and then crossed the rail without checking the line, “you hear about her losing the baby?” Ian ask as he opened the throttle to full kilt, then brought the vehicle back to a more sensible speed, remembering that stretch of road was well patrolled by the Mareeba police.

“I did.”

“Poor girl she has had a lot of bad luck, now her health isn’t too good either.”

“I guess she has.”

“What about you and her getting back together?”

“I don’t think so, it wouldn’t work.”

A short distance from town Ian pulled the vehicle to the side of the road away from the traffic.

“Want a drive?” he offered.

“Not really I don’t like column shift.”

Lewis noticed something else about Ian. Something he had never seen in him when they kicked about together. He looked married and acted so but he had an air of regret and longing for what was. Lewis also notice that Ian handled his crotch more frequently than one would expect in company and appeared aroused, he was also rising and somewhat confused. Then for the first time Ian actually made a move on him and without warning took a hand full of Lewis’ crotch applying gentle pressure.

Lewis responded, allowing memories of past desires to consume his sensibility with an urge he thought had gone forever and as he searched Ian’s face he found willingness he had not seen before, as if marriage had closed the door on what may have been, then as quickly it was over. Lewis released his hold on Ian’s crotch and removed Ian’s hand from his own, “You’re married now,” he heard himself say but could not believe they were his words. Then Ian’s mood dissolved and he was back to his usual self as if nothing had happened, leaving Lewis confused, frustrated and wishing he hadn’t spoken.

Back in town there was one quick round at the Royal, for which Lewis paid and then Ian was gone into the night to stay with his tableland cousin, promising to keep in touch, while offering another invitation for Lewis to visit him and his good wife in Townsville. He and Liz had rented a house close to the city centre, with plenty of room for visitors. Lewis promised to do so. Watching Ian drive away he wondered if he would ever see him again, while in truth he didn’t care.

On leaving the Royal Lewis ran into Billy McKee who was arriving for his shift and lurking in the shadowed lane beside the hotel.

“Hey Lewis.” He called softly as Lewis passed the lane. Lewis recognised Billy’s voice immediately and after quickly checking if there was anyone around he ducked into the lane.

“I know its short notice but are you alright for Port Douglas this week end?”

“Sure I would love to.”

“Did I just see you talking with your mate Ian?” Billy asked.

“You did he’s up from Townsville to visit his cousin.”

“Do you still have thoughts for him?”

“Not on single thought, I’m saving them for Port Douglas.”

“Good, I’ll pick you up at six thirty outside the Graham on Friday, don’t be late.”

Once spoken Billy disappeared into the darkness behind the Royal to enter through the back door, Leaving Lewis mused with the secrecy of their relationship and in consideration where their affiliation was heading. One thing he did realise, he was becoming most accustomed to Billy’s companionship, while on the other hand he didn’t know how long he could continue with their clandestine affiliation.

Although they had agreed to slowly bring their fledgling relationship into the open to avoid any suspicion, Lewis didn’t know how this would work as most of his friends knew he couldn’t abide Billy’s attitude and as for Billy he was the town’s bad boy and bad boys don’t turn nice.

If all the cloak and dagger activity wasn’t stressing enough, Lewis had also realised he wasn’t the person he thought he was, believing his character to be the tough straight lad who would one day marry and have children. The one problem, he did not have the aptitude or social skills to keep a woman happy, never mind have one agree to marry him and without a happy marriage there couldn’t be a string of happy kids.

The image of self had developed long ago at the time he became aware of the opposite sex, his attraction towards boys was something he would grow away from once he married. Now he had his doubts about its subsidence and had come to the realisation what most healthy red blooded males felt for the fairer sex, he felt for Billy, leaving him in a expanding confused state. The scales of his sexuality were in balance, flat lined, one side weighed convention, the other his sexuality and he could see the bar slowly tipping to the latter.

The approaching weekend filled Lewis with excitement and each time it surfaced in thought it was immediately directed to his crotch. What he felt for Billy was hurting deeply, adding to his anxiety as it may be the last chance he would have to spend time with Billy for a while, seeing that the Port Douglas house would be rented and Billy was still living at home.

At work it was no different and Trevor was a constant reminder of his quandary. His chatter about conquest was continual and now he was tapping into Lewis’ moods, suggesting Lewis had all the attributes of one in love. Even at home his mother was asking questions and showing concern towards his changed state, so by the time Friday night eventuated he was glad to be away from Mareeba and all it represented.

“Fishing again?” Winnie asked as Lewis hurried his meal.

“Yes at Port Douglas.”

“Bring some home this time; John is partial to fresh ocean fish.”

“We’ll see.”

While clearing the table Winnie commenced to smile.

“What?” Lewis asked.

“I was remembering the time we went fishing at East Barron while on the farm.” Winnie filled the sink and added soap.

“I remember it was winter and cold and starting to rain, we had to walk half a mile through the elephant grass to the water and you kept on about snakes.”

“And John said they didn’t bite at night.”

“The mosquitoes did and almost ate you alive.” Lewis recalled.

“You caught three small fish,” Winnie recollected with fondness.

“And they were nothing but bones.”

“They were called bony-bream.”

“I hated being on the farm.” Lewis complained.

“You know it was a rare time we were together Pet and with John as a family.”

“Ah yes true, that part I did appreciate but mostly in retrospect. At the time I was somewhat confused.

“Why would that be?” Winnie asked.

“I guess coming from the hostel and a host of kids to the isolation of the farm.”

“John did get you a dog.”

“Sooky and I had her in Atherton as well. It took a lot of getting over leaving her behind when I went to Melbourne but she had a good home, even if she didn’t understand traffic.”

“John said it was quick, she wouldn’t have felt anything.” Winnie assured.

“That’s when I started my commercial art’s course.” Lewis said.

“What happened there?”

“Got the certificate but nothing, as I recollect you saying, the only artist I would make was a bullshit artist.”

“Did I really say that?” Winnie appeared regretful.

“No matter, I didn’t take any notice of you, I just came to realise I wasn’t any good at painting.”

“Sorry love.”

“Sorry nothing mum, it wasn’t your doing,” he glanced towards the clock, “gotta’ go or I’ll be late.”

Gary’s stories are all about what life in Australia was like for a homosexual man (mostly, long before we used the term, “gay”). Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Gary dot Conder at CastleRoland dot Net

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