Published: 24 Jul 2023

Tuesday morning arrived with Alun returning home from a rare sleepover at Jillian’s apartment in South Yarra. Firstly he called in for a coffee at his favorite riverside café, then a slow meander through the city arcades, while window shopping for Jillian’s approaching birthday. He found Jillian hard to buy for, as she wasn’t into trinkets and he knew nothing about women’s toiletries. For the previous Christmas he had given bath crystals, admittedly they were expensive and fancy packaged with ribbons and bows. Jillian thanked him then stated the obvious, I don’t have a bathtub in my apartment but mum will love them. Jillian gave Alun aftershave and underwear supporting cute little teddy bears.

On entering into the foyer of his building Alun hears his name called. It is the building’s concierge.

“Good morning Harry,” Alun greets.

“It is a good one but hot and I need to apologize, as the aircon’ is on the blink again. I should have it fixed by late afternoon.”

“I hope so as my unit is a sweatbox on days like this.”

“There was an express delivery for you earlier; I have it in my room.”

Harry’s room was little more than a glorified broom closet but with pride he claimed it as his office, as far as setting up a kettle and a small bar refrigerator. “I’ll get it for you.” Moments later the concierge is back with a package, “Is it your birthday?”

“No that is later in the year. I’ve been waiting for this,” Alun accepts the package and advances towards the lift doors without revealing his excitement.

“Sorry lad I have one more disappointment for you, the lift is still out,” the concierge calls his apology.

“It has been almost a week I’m getting bicycle rider’s legs walking up and down the stairs.”

“That’s the problem with these older buildings they intend to break down more often and almost impossible to establish who is responsible for maintenance.”

“I assumed it was you Harry.”

“A leaky tap yes, but I’m no electrician.”

“I should think you do your best. Who is the building’s owner?”

“Can’t you guess who?”

“I would think someone in China.”

Harry simply waves away the answer as he chases after a scurry of papers brought in with the opening of the foyer door.

Halfway up the stairs Alun meets the young man from the unit across the hall from his own. “Good morning,” the young man greets as Alun makes a slight sidestep to allow passage.

“It is,” Alun answers while realizing they had met either on the stairs or in the lift, when it was working, for close on a year and the only conversation ever was a head nod, or simple greeting or a comment on the weather. For once as he was in good spirit, Alun wished to take their lack of association further. He knew his neighbour’s name from miss delivered mail in his mailbox, “Greg, isn’t it?” Alun asks.

The neighbour turns, “Yes Alun, it is Greg.”

“You know my name?”

“I saw you in that supermarket commercial. Talk another day I am late for an appointment. We should have coffee some time.”

“Yes we will do that.”

Alun pauses with a thought, “huh, fame and I haven’t even had a part of substance as yet.” He liked the warm fuzzy feeling it gave and remained smiling broadly as he entered into his apartment.

Once inside his apartment Alun turned his attention to the package, it seemed a little large for a manuscript and although it appears to be from Barrington, the return address is that of his agent. He quickly opened the package discovering with the scrip there is a novel, also a letter from Barrington. Alun reads the book title, ‘Victoria’s Golden Days.’ The letter suggested he not only read the script also the book, as it would give him further insight to the role on offer. Alun places the book aside before giving a quick perusal to the script. Firstly the working title being Eighteen Fifty-four, brings to mind Barrington’s previous work starring Jack Cowper. Inside the package there is also a DVD of Barrington’s previous film starring Cowper titled eighteen-thirteen, when Cowper played a young English lad who was wrongly convicted for buggery and transported to New South Wales.

Alun is immediately on the telephone to Jillian, “It has arrived,” he says.

“What the manuscript?”

“Yes and Barrington has sent a copy of a book by Lewis Conder on the gold rush along with a DVD of the film Cowper was in.”

“So you have your week’s work ahead of you.”

“I guess so.”

“As well, I will be busy with rehearsals for most of this week and well into the next.”

“What about your parents on Sunday, aren’t we invited for lunch?”

“I’ve already contacted mum and cancelled it, I only got the new schedule for rehearsal after you left this morning. Can’t talk now I’m about to go in for a meeting as I speak; call you tonight.”

“Love you,” Alun says.

“Ditto, gotta’ go.”

Which first? It was a simple question although concerning for the lad. Should he start reading Victoria’s Golden Days, watch Cowper’s wooden acting ability or read the script. Alun concluded it should be the script, as he would need to have some understanding of the part before making a decision, albeit that decision had already been made, believing even a bad part would be better than nothing.

Firstly Alun reads the director’s notes on the character of the main role, that being a young man Logan McGregor the youngest of three brothers, born to a sheep station in the Bathurst region of New South Wales. Reading further he discovers a surprise about Logan and the part he was offered.

“Logan is gay!” Alun loudly exclaims into the heated stillness of his apartment. Continuing on with the director’s notes he soon realizes Barrington’s latest project would be the second in what was to be a trilogy based on an alternative lifestyle during colonial times, the first had Cowper starring in the lead role.

‘Alternate lifestyle that’s a stretch of the imagination,’

‘Now I understand why Cowper was chosen,’ Alun unconsciously liberates a broad smile of satisfaction towards his adverse opinion of Cowper before it dissolves into a frown towards the part he had been offered. Could he; would he play a gay role and if so would he become typecast and spend his acting career playing gay roles. Reading further he understands Logan McGregor has a lifelong friend in Chance Wilcox and a director’s footnote explains their homosexuality isn’t obvious in their character, nor would it be emphasized in filming.

‘I guess it would pay the bills,’ Alun thinks and is about to recall Jillian before realizing she would be in a meeting.

After finishing the director’s instructions on the part of Logan and gaining a basic understanding of Logan’s character, he decides to view the DVD and to his surprise the plot was sympathetically handled. Now with an understanding of Cowper’s role, he concludes Jack’s acting wasn’t quite as pathetic as he had envisaged, realising it had been his disdain for Jack Cowper as an associate, not his acting ability that had prevented his viewing the film when it was released.

During the afternoon Alun continued reading of the script while losing all sense of time. It wasn’t until evening approached and the building’s air-conditioning fired up, before he realized he had missed lunch and had not considered that night’s meal.

“Arrr,” he softly exhales as the first cool breeze arrived from the air-conditioning unit. Crossing the room he turned it to full. “I should ring Jillian.” He then remembers she was having a working dinner, so it would be best to wait for her to call.

Alun is almost convinced to accept the part of Logan McGregor and aspires towards who would be offered the part of Chance Wilcox, Logan’s lifetime mate. Yet he remains concerned towards playing a gay part, if he accepted the role would his friends believe he did so because he was gay, also the fear of typecasting was ever present. Eventually he decided to wait and run it past Jillian for her opinion.

Alun also realized by taking the part of Logan it may widen the chasm between him and his father who was bitterly homophobic, being quick with scorn towards anything that wasn’t what he described as normal for a red-blooded young lad. From the start David had been against Alun’s entry into the academy, refusing to finance his acceptance but luck came to chance and Alun was given financial consideration and subsidized by the academy for a year, with his mother secretly paying the difference, given with a promise never to tell his father.

Dinner that night was leftover cold pizza from the refrigerator with Alun returning to the script. He had all but agreed to accept the part when his phone rang.

“Jillian; how was your meeting?”

“Don’t ask; have you read the script?”

“I have.”

“What do you think?”

“My character is gay.”

Jillian gives a chuckle, “knowing Barrington that was a high possibility. Will you accept it?”

“What do you think I should do?”

“I can’t answer for you Alun, what concerns you about the part?”

“I don’t wish to be branded as some gay bloke.”

“It’s only a film Alun and not as if you have been clocked coming out of some gay club, or caught in a public toilet with your pants around your ankles.”

“Do gays do that?”

“According to Wayne they do.”

“So you think I should accept?”

“It is your decision but you have to start somewhere and it didn’t do Cowper any harm.”

“He also sent me the DVD of Cowper’s film and I watched it this afternoon.”

“What is your opinion of the film?”

“Actually it was sympathetically handled and I’ve changed my opinion on Cowper’s acting ability.”

“There you go; you are halfway towards accepting the role already.”

“I rang Ed about the part earlier.”

“And what did Ed have to say?”

“He laughed saying money is money and it pays the bills and I should take whatever is in the offering.”

“That sounds like something Ed Stanley would say. I’ll go over the script with you tomorrow night then we will go out and celebrate.” Jillian offers.

“I thought you are busy all week?”

“I have a window of opportunity.”

“See you then.”

Once settled for the evening Alun returned to the script while attempting to understand the character of Logan McGregor. In most Logan appeared like a regular kind of guy, a country lad and being the youngest of three had all the markings of the younger brother, wild, carefree and headstrong.

Alun contemplated on Chance Wilcox, Logan’s lifelong friend, questioning the ability for two young lads to live as a couple, especially in their time. He attempted to imagine the two in bed, what would they do, what would be their conversations? He thought of Jillian and her love of shoes, dresses and her never ending search for a bra that didn’t pinch.

Alun wasn’t naïve and realized gay relationships did exist, Jillian’s friend Wayne was proof enough and Wayne continuous remarked about his conquests and partner in Tim, added to that understanding. Also there was Jillian’s friend Sandra and the ticking he received from Jillian when he called Sandra a dyke. Sandra somewhat frightened Alun with her cropped hair, tattoos and blundstone boots but when he got to know Sandra better, he found her intelligent with a soft underside.

Sandra had been in a relationship with her partner Lorraine for near on seven years and they were bringing up a kid. Lorraine was the birth mother, with Sandra taking on the male role by impregnating Lorraine from sperm donated by a gay friend with Lorraine being inseminated using a turkey baster.

‘What would Logan and Chance do in bed?’ Alun thought and gave a slight shudder from his deduction.

‘Could I?’

‘No – not that,’ the thought arrives with a gentle tut after recalling a comment made by his father in reference to buggery; the arse is for shitting and nothing else; ‘Strange that,’ Alun brings forward another memory. It was the summer of his year nine midyear school break, when youthful curiosity brought him into his father’s home office. The office was a no-go zone even for his mother and before the rest of the family had a DVD player, David had a machine in his office. Upon inspection of the machine Alun discovered a disc inserted and ready for play, all he needed to do was press the play button. Doing so he discovered pornography which instantly advanced him from schoolyard talk to reality, as vividly displayed on the small monitor was a couple enjoying more than an innocent cuddle, her breasts were like watermelons and his oversized member was penetrating into her through the anis. Footsteps along the passage gave Alun enough time to hit the off button.

What are you doing in here?

Nothing dad, I promise.

From that day on Alun never found the office door unlocked.

‘Hypocrite,’ he ends his memory while returning to Barrington’s script and scans for the director’s notes on the nude scenes.

None of the scenes appeared to be indoors.

‘Kissing?’ he thinks.

‘I suppose if it is scripted I could.’

‘But?’

Alun laughs.

‘Now there is a good question,’ he thinks.

‘What would Logan and Chance talk about in bed?’

‘I don’t think it would be knitting patterns.’

‘I could ask Wayne.’

‘I think not, it may encourage him.’

Eventually Alun placed the script aside, as in principle he had decided to take up the offer.

Early morning and after coffee Alun is on the telephone to his agent. He had already commenced his reading of the book Barrington had sent and was slowly gaining an understanding of the hardships suffered by most in those times. What did surprise him was the lack of women on the gold fields and how often men made lifelong friendships without the slightest suggestion of homosexuality.

“George, I received the manuscript.”

“Good, what do you think of the offer?”

“I have reservations.”

“What would they be Alun?”

“Did you know the character I’m to play is gay?”

“Knowing Lucas Barrington that is almost a must but as I recollect his previous film had Jack Cowper and it didn’t do his career any harm.”

“Were you Cowper’s agent?”

“No he used Julian Carlton.”

“It always seems to come back to Cowper. I’m not Cowper, George. I’ll assure you of that.”

“No one is suggesting you are but will you accept the role, as I have to get back to Barrington with your decision by Friday.”

“I think so.”

“You don’t appear to be very interested.”

“Typecasting,” Alun says, “yes I know it didn’t do Cowper any harm but what if in the future I’m never offered anything but a gay character.”

“If you decide to take the part, you better show a little more enthusiasm than you are showing and don’t forget your acceptance is for an audition but it would be the first step and I’m sure you would be perfect for the part.”

“I am quite interested.”

“Then you will accept it?’

“I will.”

“Good, I will inform Barrington of your decision and he will advise the time for your audition.”

Jillian’s celebration for Alun accepting his first role was dinner at her favorite Thai restaurant with her friends Vivien and of course Wayne. It was to be an early night as Vivien had arranged to meet her partner Tony soon after dinner, also as Jillian was about to start in a new production she needed to understand her part, therefore it would be home early and curled up in bed with a glass of red and the script.

“One more for the road?” Vivien suggests.

“Not for me Viv’ I’ve had enough,” Jillian declines.

Vivian calls the waiter, “I’ll have another bottle of that fine New Zealand Pinot please,” she holds the order, “beer?” she asks of Alun and Wayne. Both decline. “It seems it is just the Pinot thank you.”

The waiter returns with the wine, he fills Vivien’s glass and hovers over Jillian’s empty glass.

“Go on,” Jillian relents and accepts the refill, ‘seeing it appears I’m paying for it, I may as well share it,’ she thinks as she knows Vivien is always skint.

Alun appears to be prodding at the last of his meal.

“What’s the problem Alun, you are acting as you found a grub on a lettuce leaf,” Jillian say.

“Capsaicin – I don’t like capsaicin and they put it in everything.”

“It adds colour and texture,” Jillian says.

“It clashes with the taste,” Alun grumbles.

“I agree with Alun,” Alun supports.

“You have been quiet tonight Wayne?” Vivian suggests.

“I am interested in Alun’s role that’s all.”

They had hardly finished their meal before Vivien shows eagerness to depart.

“You must be on a promise with Tony,” Jillian laughs.

“It is something like that, although with Tony I think he’d rather make love to his computer, he even has a name for it. He calls the dumb thing Tina.”

“Why call his computer Tina?” Jillian asks.

“I guess it is someone he fancies on the telly’.”

“Tina Arena,” Jillian says.

“Could be; I think he is mostly watching porn rather than working.”

“I don’t know how anyone can watch porn,” Jillian turns her nose at the thought.”

“I do,” Wayne joyfully admits.

“You would,” Vivien says, “what about you Alun?”

“I don’t have the time, besides I don’t have a DVD player.”

“There is plenty on line,” Wayne suggests.

“Will you bring Tony to Meagan’s engagement party next week?” Jillian asks.

“He said he would go. What about Alun will you be there?”

“He’ll be there,” Jillian answers for Alun.

“You heard the boss,” Alun agrees.

“A quick pee and I’ll be off,” Vivien says and both girls depart for the washroom.

“Well Alun you have your first part, so congratulations,” Wayne complements once they are alone.

“I have.”

“And I hear it’s a gay role,” there is smugness in Wayne’s response which Alun ignores. “I’m sure you will manage it,” Wayne continues with confidence.

“As an actor Wayne, you have to be prepared to play all kinds of roles.”

“I remember Jack Cowper,” Wayne says.

“So you had previously said and everyone keeps referring back to Jack Cowper,” Alun is obviously annoyed but keeps his tone civil.

“How is your laptop going?”

“It is still running okay; I thank you for looking at it. I do have a question for you and it is relative to my part in the film.”

“Ask away.”

“What do you talk about in bed with, well whoever you are with?”

“That is a strange question Alun.”

“Maybe so but I assure you It wasn’t meant to be personal or suggestive.”

“With Tim?” Wayne smirks.

“Whoever you are with on the night.”

“I can assure you there isn’t much talking, why do you ask.”

“The part, I can’t seem to understand how two guys can live in partnership and other things.”

“What other things?”

“It doesn’t matter. I should never have mention, so forget it.”

“It appears to me you may need a gay adviser for your role Alun.”

“Well I’ll be off,” Vivien declares as the girls return.

“Coffee first?” Jillian suggests.

“None for me, I’ll see you at Meagan’s next week.” Vivien reminds as she departs.

Jillian is seated, “now what was your conversation?”

“I was offering Alun my expertise for his role.”

“Make sure that is all you are offering,” Jillian issues a guided warning.

Gary’s stories are about life for gay men in Australia’s past and present. Your emails to him are the only payment he receives. Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Conder 333 at Hotmail dot Com

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