Published: 8 Jan 2024

If the crew and cast of the working project ‘1854’ had concerns with Taylor’s misguided adventure, Taylor did not and couldn’t understand what the fuss was about. It wasn’t his first experience in losing his way, the other being on the sheep station where his mother was the cook. In that instance he instigated the bush law of one who is lost, being to slacken the horse’s reins and eventually it will head for home, besides back then the paddock was small and all fence lines led back to the homestead. On this occasion to do so would have been difficult, his mount was new to the property and most likely would have wandered aimlessly disregarding any concern for the weight on its back.

What Taylor did find surprising was Alun’s reaction and his show of emotion. Taylor liked the attention and truthfully would favour being more than a friend to his colleague but he had previously been burned when he became emotionally attached to a straight man, or more in truth, a man fighting to be straight and failing on all accounts. James was that young man and caught between his god and the designs of his family.

Eventually James Cable the young man in question, buckled to social and family pressure, he married and produced a child before taking his own life. James’ passing had troubled Taylor so deeply that for more than a year he was celibate but as it is with youth, eventually sexual drive became the controller of destiny. Even so Taylor remained cautious, offering his favours to those obviously of his leaning and he believed Alun was most defiantly not.

Introduction to the new lad on set was at breakfast. Ralph Porter was truly youthful for his years with dark hair and flawless skin toning. He had a happy disposition while his voice was flat and nasal. After breakfast he was further introduced to the boys as their befriended Gilbert Rogers the orphaned son of a miner, who father came to grief in a mining accident.

“I’m not gay you know,” were the lad’s first admittance.

“Neither is the part you will be portraying,” Taylor advises.

“I’m just letting you know.”

“What work have you done Ralph?” Alun asks allowing the lad’s sudden assertion of sexuality to ebb away without further extension.

“I was in a kid’s television programme, Children of the Outback and I had a small part in The Coming of the Rain.”

“Then you know your way around a film set.”

“A little.”

“If you have an aversion towards gay, why did you accept the part in this film?” Alun asks.

“I need the work.”

“An honest enough answer and in my opinion similar to that given by many in the industry but if you don’t show enthusiasm to the part you may find nothing else is offered and in this industry you have to play all kinds of characters from gay to murderer.”

“I know that. Only during filming of The Coming of the Rain, the lead bloke tried it on with me.”

“It won’t happen on this set Ralph. I assure you of that.” Taylor promises.

After discovering who Ralph was and judging how he would react in his part as Gilbert to Logan and Chance, the boys concluded he appeared capable and as he wouldn’t need to be in costume for some time he was given the task of learning his part, also how he would adapt to the boys acting style in their roles.

With the new lad settled there remained the problem with Keith Bradshaw who had failed in his promise to return earlier for his final scene and had only arrived late in the afternoon of the previous day after his father had been threatened with breach of contract. In general he was only required for one last shot, that being a corpse after the Eureka battle and anyone could have been made up for the part. As Keith had been nothing but trouble from the start and if for no other reason than satisfaction, Simon suggested the contractual breach be issued.

Earlier in the morning Simon brought the boys onto set, as he was unhappy with the Keith’s final speaking scene when as Tom he headed out to be with his mates at the stockade. Simon quickly explained it wasn’t the boys or Keith’s acting but during a second viewing of the footage he discovered an unforgiveable error, the gas lamplighter who came by to light the hotel’s street lamp and paused for a line of conversation with Logan had been wearing a wristwatch. The wristwatch was only in view for a moment and almost undetectable, except for a glint as he reached to light his lamp but Simon believed if he had noticed it then it was certain others would also, therefore it was best to reshoot the short scene and not give the critics material.

Soon after the scene had been reshot, everybody from cast to camera was bussed into Sovereign Hill for Tom’s death scene.

Within half an hour of Keith finishing his last scene as Tom, a vehicle is ordered and Keith sent home, being literally informed the cheque would be in the mail.

As Keith departed Simon approached the boys.

“That’s the end of that and both Tom and Keith are now in the can in more ways than one,” Simon says and appeared happy to see the back of Keith.

“So that’s the last of Keith Bradshaw,” Alun releases a relieving breath.

“No loss,” Simon concurs.

It is Taylor who gives the departing lad a measure of value, “you must admit he is a natural actor.”

“I would agree if you could cut him free from an overbearing father but I would rather direct Lassie the Wonder Dog, I also noticed he didn’t hit it off with Ralph.”

“Ralph is different than Keith, you won’t have a problem with him,” Alun assures.

“What about you two?”

“In what way would that be, Simon?” Taylor asks.

“You won’t be needed for a few days, would you like to take a little break?”

Alun brightens, “my girlfriend is shortly leaving with her play for London. I wouldn’t mind a few days back in the city.”

“What about you Taylor?”

“Dunno’ I’ll hang about the property. Possibly do a little riding, or I could give mum a visit, although she is away visiting my uncle in Gippsland for a couple of days.”

Simon releases a warning chuckle, “no more riding in the forest I hope.”

“No Simon, I’ll be more careful in the future.”

“Well whatever you decide the offer is there.”

It was decision time. Firstly Alun makes the call to Jillian and discovers she is departing for London within two days, so with a quick call home he arranges a visit during the afternoon, then stay with Jillian at her airport hotel the night before her flight. All that is left is what to do with the extra time and if Taylor would visit his mother, “have you made a decision yet?” Alun asks after making his arrangements.

“Seeing you are driving down I may as well visit mum but if you aren’t staying at home why not come back with me after Jillian catches her flight. You could get the bus into the city and I could pick you up at Spencer Street terminus.”

Alun agrees then after more telephone calls it is finally arranged.

“I have an idea,” Alun beams with brilliance.

“You worry me when you have that look.”

“As you will have the car, come for dinner at home then drive me to Jillian’s hotel.”

“What about your father?”

“Dad has moved out and mum would love to see you, or to point having you visit may put an end to the rumors.”

“I suppose I could. That is if it doesn’t cause you grief.”

“It won’t give me grief, I assure you of that.”

By early afternoon the boys are back in the city. Taylor brings the car to park outside his parent’s residence although Alun doesn’t appear to be in a rush to leave the sanctuary of the vehicle.

“You seem hesitant,” Taylor suggests.

“It may not have been a good idea to expose you to my family’s continuing problems.”

“Is it because they believe I am your boyfriend?”

“True to form Taylor you are directly to the point. No I believe I have convinced them otherwise, well mum and Peter that is, as for dad, he will believe what he wants to believe no matter what I say.”

“We are here now, besides that may be Peter at the door.”

“Yes that is Peter.”

“He appears to be a slightly older version of you.”

The boys advance and Peter meets them along the driveway, “we were beginning to think you weren’t coming,” Peter says.

“The traffic was heavy through Deer Park; I think there was a break down or something.”

“Why didn’t you take the bi-pass across West Gate Bridge as it is more direct to come here to Brighton?”

“I forgot about it.”

“Never mind mum’s almost got dinner on the table and you know how she fusses.”

Conversation between Taylor and Sylvia was at least pleasant as the lad’s refreshing politeness was lacking in her children, caused by the acidic nature of their father, also with Taylor’s country upbringing he held Peters attention, as Peter often dreamed of living a quiet life far from demanding influences. It soon became obvious Sylvia had not totally put aside the rumors and even if no one else noticed, Alun could feel a cool chill in his mother’s attitude towards Taylor.

With the meal over and during a moment alone with Sylvia in the kitchen, Alun found opportunity to ask after her wellbeing and although not wishing to break the artificial composure in the house he made comment towards her intentions.

“You know he isn’t coming back,” Sylvia snapped across Alun’s carefully worded question.

“Peter said so.” Immediately Alun realized he should have kept quiet instead of airing the family’s dirty laundry with Taylor present but retraction was not possible and Sylvia disregarded Taylor’s presence as she continued with her displeasure, her voice clearly carrying to the dinner table.

“He wants to sell the house.”

“Have you spoken to a lawyer?”

“Peter is arranging that.”

“Good.”

Alun follows his mother back to the dining room where he helps to clear the table.

Sylvia is disturbed by her son’s ease, “what do you mean by good Alun!” she loudly demands, bringing attention towards her plight from Taylor, who by his expression is quickly shrinking away from a developing situation.

Sylvia commences to remove the last of the dishes.

“Mum I’ll do that.”

“No you have a guest, I’ll put the coffee on,” moments later Sylvia is heard fussing in the kitchen.

Peter gives a nervous nod towards the kitchen, “I suppose Alun has told you about dad leaving home?”

“He has, possibly I shouldn’t agree to come at this time.”

“I’ll help with the coffee,” Alun says and goes to Sylvia who appears to be indolently staring at the boiling kettle.

Alun approaches from behind and attempts his usual cuddle but Sylvia shrugs him away. She is now softly sobbing.

“Mum it has been coming on for years, now you can get on with your own life.”

Sylvia isn’t convinced, “I don’t know anything other than running your father’s house. I don’t have friends, David has made certain of that.” Sylvia draws in a long and silent breath and appears to rise from her distress, “anyway we mustn’t air our problems in front of guests. How long are you staying?”

“I have to meet up with Jillian tonight and then stay with Taylor’s mother for a couple of days. She is away until tomorrow.”

“You haven’t spoken much of Jillian of late, is everything alright with the two of you.”

“Alright yes but she is leaving for England with the play, so I won’t be seeing her for quite some time.”

“Your father had hoped the two of you would be married by now.”

“Dad had many hopes but they were always his and not ours, or yours.”

“What of Taylor, he appears to be a polite young man.”

“Taylor is a colleague, so if you are suggesting otherwise don’t. What I said in the past was in anger towards dad’s continuous assertions about my acting career and I’d prefer not to have it aired in front of Taylor.”

“Will you be staying here tonight?”

“No, as I said but a minute ago, I’ll stay at Jillian’s hotel tonight and then stay with Taylor at his mother’s.”

“I thought you were staying here, I’ve made up the bunks in the spare room for you and your friend.”

“I’m afraid it has already been arranged.”

“Dianne is coming over this evening and she wants to see you.”

“It will have to be another time, how is she going with Mick?”

“Michael is so much like your father.”

“Are they fighting again?”

“What do you mean again; they have never stopped.”

Alun gives an ironic tut, “they should divorce.”

“That’s a man’s answer to everything.”

“When you haven’t control of a situation what else can you do, except look after yourself.”

“Dianne is expecting again.”

“Number three,” Alun says as his mobile telephone sounds. He answers and moves away to talk more freely but the call is short and Alun disappointed.

“Was that Jillian?” Sylvia asks, as she had caught her voice when Alun answered.

“It was.”

“You don’t appear happy.”

“I’m not, Jillian’s flight has been brought forward and she is at the airport and has been called for boarding as I speak.”

“You should have married Jillian while you had the chance.”

“I asked but she said she wasn’t ready to commit.”

“Will you follow her after your filming is finished?”

“Mum, Jillian hasn’t even left the country and already you have me gallivanting halfway around the world after her, besides she has an offer of an extended tour in America,” Alun pauses, “I better tell Taylor there will be a change of plans.”

“Then you will be staying here tonight?”

“Did you say Dianne is coming over and she’s having problems?”

“She would like to see you Alun.”

Alun ignores his mother’s plea and returns to find Taylor is deep in conversation with Peter about the value of country living, with Peter suggesting if it was so good how come Taylor moved to the city.

Taylor explains the choice wasn’t his to make.

“Taylor,” Alun calls.

“Yep.”

“There is a change of plan and I’m joining you at your mum’s place tonight instead, if that is alright by you.”

“Fine by me, I’ll give mum a call at Aunty Helen’s but I thought you were to stay with Jillian?”

“It’s a long story and we should be on our way, I’ll tell you in the car.”

Sylvia arrives from the kitchen and her mood is obviously turning to stress, “Won’t you at least wait for Dianne, Alun. She should be along at any moment.”

“No mum I have people to see about next week’s filming.”

“Then Peter will see you out,” Sylvia says and quickly retires to her room.

To give the brothers privacy Taylor goes to the car as Peter holds Alun back.

“You do realise I can see right through you Alun.”

“What does that mean?”

“You could never handle family crisis and at the first sound of a raised voice you disappear like our old tomcat that buggered off when anyone visited.”

“I remember old Smudge, what happened to him.”

“Dad said he had fleas and got the vet to do him in.”

“Why not ask Dianne to stay over to comfort mum?”

“What with two teary-eyed women in the house, I don’t think so; I’d go loopy by nightfall.”

The brothers reach the car, “Did you manage a solicitor for mum?”

“I did but mum said she won’t divorce dad.”

“Will mum cope?”

“With Doctor Richards little helpers, I guess so.”

“What about that business adventure you spoke of, has dad agreed to help as yet?”

“He can well afford to help but no and what is worse, I’ve had to give up the job I started last month to be home with mum.”

Alun opens the car door, “do you need money?”

“Not unless you have a spare lazy hundred grand laying about doing nothing.”

“I only wish, no I meant to tie you over.”

“I’ll be alright for now, besides dad comes by once a fortnight and leaves the grocery money and although threatening he is still paying the bills.”

“Is he still using his home office?”

“He uses it when he comes with the housekeeping money. He locks himself in for an hour or so before leaving without a word.”

“That isn’t fair on mum.”

“When has dad ever been fair with any of us?”

“I feel for you Peter and wish I could do more but with filming I don’t get much time.”

“Mum is strong, she will get over it and even now she appears to be making plans for a life without the old man. Most of the tears are for sympathy.”

“I’ll be in touch and as I said if you are short give me a bell.”

It was more than ten minutes before either of the boys spoke and confused by Alun’s hurried departure it was Taylor who raised the first question, “what was that about?” he asks as they turned from North Road onto Bambra.

“What part of it all would you like to know?”

“Firstly why won’t you be staying with Jillian tonight?”

“She’s already gone, probably in the air as we speak. They brought her flight forward she was calling from the airport.”

“That’s distressing.”

“Oddly it isn’t. It should be but I think it has been coming for so long and it is a relief,’ Alun points to the amber street light, “aren’t you stopping?”

“Stopping,” Taylor says, “back seat driver,” he complains.

“I hope you don’t mind me staying at your house.”

“I gave mum a call, she said anytime. Seeing she isn’t back until tomorrow afternoon, you will have to put up with my company for tonight.”

“Green light,” Alun advises.

“Driving on,” Taylor says and holds back his annoyance, “I like Peter,” he complements.

“He is easy to like,”

“He has you worked out,”

“In what way would that be?”

“Mostly your serious manner,”

“We are what we are Tay.”

Once inside the house Taylor discovers there is a voice message on the answering machine, it is from Jane – there is plenty to eat in the refrigerator, so don’t go spending your money. The beds in the spare room are made from your previous visit so behave yourselves and I’ll see you sometime in the afternoon -.

“What does she mean by behave?”

“She always says that whenever I have someone stay over.”

“Do you have lots of fellows stay over?”

“No Alun lighten up, it is only a joke.”

“Truthfully Tay, I don’t know how. I suppose it is from too many years living with an old man telling me how useless I am.”

Taylor opens the refrigerator, “there’s beer; would you like one?”

“Why not?”

Alun follows Taylor into the living room; “I want to tell you something,” Alun says and flops down into the closest chair.

“I’m listening,”

“You say I need to loosen up.”

“I was out of order – sorry.”

“No you weren’t, I agree I do need to unwind a little.”

“What was it you wished to say?”

“It is related to what you said.”

Taylor sits opposite Alun and swigs at his beer. He remains tacit.

“I wouldn’t say this to just anyone,” Alun admits.

“Therefore I feel privileged, is it about your part as Logan.”

“Truthfully it is only when I am Logan I am truly relaxed, it is as if Logan is reaching through the story, through the script into my head.”

“Isn’t that sign of a good actor?”

“But it isn’t acting, when on the set I am Logan while all that is modern about seems to dissolve away and now his character is following me into reality. Do you think I’m going crazy?”

“No not crazy I would say you are simply trying to find your true character.”

“What of my dreaming of Logan?”

“As I said you are trying to find your character.”

“Possibly but what would that be.”

“Can I say something candid Alun?”

“You may as well, seeing it’s becoming a session of Agony Aunt.”

“Is it possible you are gay and fighting it.”

Alun laughs.

Taylor softens his suggestion, “possibly gay is a little strong, maybe bisexual,”

Alun goes silent.

“I retract I am once again out of order,” Taylor retracts.

Alun rises and goes to the kitchen, moments later his beer can sounds as it falls into the kitchen tidy. “Tay,” he calls but remains from sight.

A minute passes and Alun returns.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Taylor says.

“No I must especially to you. “I have always thought I could be a little gay but my father bashed the thought out of me.’

“Bashed you say?”

“It was mostly with his words, although there were occasions.”

“I never had anything but love and understanding from mum. You know something Alun.”

“What Tay?”

“Under different circumstances I would throw my arms around you and give you a hug.”

“Why don’t you.”

Gary’s stories are about life for gay men in Australia’s past and present. Your emails to him are the only payment he receives. Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Conder 333 at Hotmail dot Com

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