Published: 25 Dec 2023

There is an early morning knocking to the cottage door, bringing Taylor to answer in his undershorts. It is Stu’ Mulga and he is leading two horses, “What’s up?” Taylor asks.

“Simon wants both of you up on these fine specimens of horseflesh for some riding practice.”

“Isn’t it a little early for riding?”

“It is best to get going before the day hots up for the horses.”

“Alun is still in bed,”

“Then get him out, use a bucket of cold water if you have to.”

“No need Stu’ I’m up.” Alun joins them at the door, “you two are making enough noise to wake the dead.”

Stu’ repeats his reason for an early start.

“Before my coffee,” Alun complains.

“It’s Simon’s idea, do I have to tell him you two are too soft to miss a little sleep.”

“No Stu’, give us five and we will join you.”

Dressing as appropriate as possible at short notice, the boys were ready for their early morning riding lesion.

“Aren’t you riding with us?” Taylor notices there wasn’t a third mount.

“Not today, I’ll be instructing and the riding will be about the property. It’s more to fix your riding posture Alun, as you look more like a sack of spuds trying to balancing on the saddle than a true colonial bushman.”

It is an hour of instructions and a sore arse for Alun, before Stu’ comes to the conclusion, Alun was never going to improve to his standard and some clever camerawork would be necessary, possibly a stand-in for some of the scenes. After lunch Stu’ gives it another go and by late afternoon Alun was not only sore but frustrated.

“Right Alun let’s call it a day.”

“No more please. I don’t mind riding about for fun but Stu’ you will never make a show rider out of me.”

After showering away four hours of sweaty horse, Alun remembers Peter’s text message from the previous day. It wasn’t uncommon for Peter to telephone but it was to place urgency to his message and seeing his brother had moved out from home the problem shouldn’t be with their parents. Once back in the cottage Alun again mulls over Peter’s message, “there’s only one way to find out,” he rhetorically mutters as he searches for his mobile, believing it was last sighted on the kitchen table, “Tay have you seen my phone?” he calls.

“Earlier I saw it on the floor beside your bed.” Taylor goes for the phone and returns and offers it up.

“The battery is flat.”

“Here use mine.”

Alun makes the call on Taylor’s mobile, “Peter what’s up mate?”

“Is that you Alun?”

“Who else?”

“The caller id didn’t come up.”

“I’m using Tay’s mobile, my battery is flat. What’s up?”

“You never did remember to charge it.”

“Always busy I guess.”

“It’s mum,”

“What’s happened?”

“She thinks dad is having an affair.”

“Is he?”

“I know he is but mum only suspects. I saw him in town with a woman from his office and they didn’t appear to be having a working lunch.”

“Did you tell mum?”

“I wouldn’t but I think the way they are at each other it may end in divorce.”

“It may be for the better, their marriage was always one made in hell.” Alun predicts.

“Mum wants you to visit.”

“I can’t at present but I’ll give her a call tonight. What about you Peter, how are you keeping?”

“Other than in need of cash I’m okay. I have a project I’m interested in but need at least a hundred grand.” Peter’s voice fades.

“Have you asked dad, possibly he could give you a loan.”

“Against my better judgment I did. That was one conversation I won’t forget in a hurry.”

“The best I could do is five hundred dollars.”

“No Alun, you have already helped out enough. I guess I’ll simple shelve my idea for now.”

“Sorry,”

“Don’t be, it can wait and don’t forget to give mum a call.”

“As I said I’ll call tonight.”

Alun finishes the call.

“More trouble at the mill?”

Alun explains.

“Why not take a couple of days, you have until Tuesday,” Taylor suggests.

“There isn’t anything I can do, besides Peter isn’t far away and there is my sister, so mum and Dianne can have a good cry together.”

“That seems a little callous Alun.”

“It’s been coming for a long time and if I went home, it will only start another argument with dad.”

Alun had been fidgety throughout the afternoon. The call to his mother had to be made but he would rather not. It wasn’t he didn’t love his mother, only he had heard it all before and had shed his tears during his boyhood. Alun remembered the shouting, he felt the pain of words and the words hurt more than any strap. He had felt the sting of ridicule and wore those scars deeply from a father who loved nothing but money and the size of his ego.

It was time and with a deep and troubled breath he punches the numbers into the mobile. Sylvia answers and her voice appears strained but whatever she felt is well masked. He speaks, “mum it is Alun,”

“Yes love, when are you coming home for a visit?”

“We are very busy on the set at present.”

“Are you still working on that homosexual film?”

“Mum it is only work and an actor has to take what’s offering.”

“Peter said he called you.”

“He did, he also said you were having problems.”

“It’s nothing. I’m alright.”

“Is it dad?” Alun attempts to skirt around what Peter had told him but Sylvia wasn’t responsive, so after a number of attempts to understand the situation he endeavoured to close the conversation without further upsetting his mother.

“Mum, I have rehearsals, I have to go”

“When will I see you?”

“I don’t know – soon but I promise I will call more often.”

“Love you Alun.”

“Ditto.”

With a deep breath Alun breaks the call and goes to find Taylor. He is in need of company, simply closeness, not conversation or assurance but the ambiance of another present and not connected in any way, only in spirit and since his visit with Taylor to his home Alun had developed deep spirituality with his fellow actor.

Sometimes Alun had an urge to reach out and touch Taylor. He didn’t find it sexual although even that was deepening. To do so was challenging towards his emotions, yet there was a spark that had been smoldering for some time, eventually he would need to extinguish the spark or allow it to ignite.

‘If I was Logan and Taylor was Chance. I could, I would but I am not Logan. I am the product of a homophobic father, who has all but beaten heterosexuality into my existence,’ with that final thought Alun ended his mental torment and found Taylor.

“How is everything at home?” Taylor asks as they meet and slowly make their way towards the shed and rehearsals.

“I would say for the Hughes family it is normal.”

“Have you anything planed for when the filming is done?”

“No offers as yet. Simon said Barrington could be planning another period film, possibly he may offer something; how about you?”

“No offers and no worries as I usually fall on my feet.”

“Like a cat,”

“But not as fury.”

They both laugh and enter into the shed for late afternoon rehearsals.

It was washday Wednesday with costumes and personal clothing collected by a van and taken into a laundry in Ballarat. As the boys spent most of their time on the property in period costume, Alun had only underwear to add to the collection, except for what he was wearing when he visited with Taylor at his home over the New Year.

A habit Alun had developed over the years was to go through pockets before offering up for washing, as his mother had once found a condom in his jeans pocket. At his then youthful age the prophylactic had been more for show than go but it sent Sylvia into froth and that night brought on a clumsy conversation with David on the dread of sexually transmitted diseases, after comforting Sylvia that finding an empty condom wrapper would be more concerning.

This day Alun found nothing incriminating only a crumbled five dollar note, some coins and the two tattslotto tickets he had purchased while placing the numbers for Jane. ‘it would be nice to win,’ he thinks then he remembered the scratchy tickets he received from Peter the previous Christmas and they remained unscratched in one of his property boxes at home.

Alun’s procrastination with the tickets was to do with his unlucky adage but even now a spark of maybe arose, followed by the negative results of his chicken raffle humour. He puts the tickets safely aside and gathers together his dirty clothes, taking them to the van where he meets up with Simon.

“It’s off to film the aftermath of the rebellion tomorrow,” Simon says.

“I thought it was scheduled for next Tuesday.”

“We have to work in with Sovereign Hill and the reenactment lot, who mostly have jobs and meet over weekends.”

“Will Keith be back in time?”

“He’ll be here later this evening, I threatened his father with breach of contract if he isn’t.”

“Can you do that?”

“Not me but Mr. Barrington wouldn’t hesitate.”

“If he doesn’t come back will it fuck up Tom’s part in the film?”

“Not really we could use a stand-in, as with a little makeup one body looks like another. All he needs to do is lie on the ground looking dead and remove that supercilious grin he often wears.”

“What of his last scene when you said it may need reshooting?”

“It will do, it isn’t integral but another thing Alun you have a couple of days before your next performance, I hear there is trouble at home, would you like some time off?”

“How did you know?”

“It’s my job to known anything that could interfere with the smooth running on the set and I am concern what is happening privately with you may play on your acting.”

“I promise you Simon, it will not.”

“I still think you should take a couple of days off.”

“If I went home it would only stir up more emotions, it is best I stay here,” Alun then grins, “and learn my lines.”

“Stu’ said your horsemanship isn’t improving.”

“At least I’m not scared of them anymore. Will my lack of style cause a problem during the riding shoot?”

“It would if we hadn’t already found a stand in for any of the trick riding and he could almost be your twin.”

“I must meet this fellow.”

“You may, although most of that filming will be done up country near Rochester and his part will be shot before we go north.”

“I don’t know Rochester.”

“You will in a few weeks, it is a small town of maybe three thousand or thereabouts on the Campaspe River.”

“I look forward to the visit, have you seen Tay about?”

“Who is Tay?”

“Oh, I shouldn’t call him that as it is his mother’s pet name for him.”

“I’ll stick with Taylor; it is my policy to address people by the name they are introduced by.”

“How was Taylor introduced to the part of Chance?”

“Mr. Barrington chose him, as he did you. He has the knack of recognizing talent. I think there is a family connection or something like that.”

“Is Taylor related to Mr. Barrington?”

“Not exactly, it is something to do with an Aunt. I think possibly what is often referred to a prick relation.”

“What is a prick relation?”

Simon gives a dirty grin, “A blood relation is as it suggests by birth and a prick relation is by marriage being related to the other family.”

“Do you believe I have talent Simon?”

“Are you fishing for a compliment Alun? If you are I’ll leave that to your audience when the film hits the big screen.”

“Well spoken. I’ll be on my way as I’ve things to do.”

“Don’t forget there are rehearsals tonight and remind Taylor.”

“You didn’t say where I can find Taylor?”

“He is doing some riding along one of the bush tracks near the Enfield forest. He said he’d be back by four.”

“He doesn’t usually ride alone.”

“He said he had something he had to work through and needed a little, as in the modern colloquialism, me-time.”

It was late and Taylor had not returned from his ride and Alun felt ill at ease. It was a strange sensation as if something is missing and he is becoming concerned for Taylor’s wellbeing. On dusk Alun took the short walk to the path that entered into the forest close by the properties boundary. Finding an old tree stump he sat gazing into the wall of trees. Alun’s disquiet remained. Firstly he considered it to be the trouble at home and the pending split between his parents. Or possibly Peter and his unfulfilled business plans. He would have lent his brother the money if he had such a large amount but again it wasn’t the first time Peter had conjured some mad scheme that ended in failure. On that subject their father was correct in saying Peter needed to think things through before bounding headlong into toxic debt. ‘Toxic,’ Alun brings to mind, ‘dad also used that same word to describe my acting,’ he releases a soft tut, ‘toxic to the mind, was he actual comment.’

Almost an hour passed still Alun remained staring into the darkening space within the forest. It was late and the dinner gong had long sounded, while night’s long shadow quickly moved across the land and still Taylor had not returned.

“Tay,” Alun breaths his friend’s name into the late summer’s air as a rousing sensation developed within his breast.

‘I think it is possible I’m becoming a little too attached my friend.’

‘In what way would that be?’

‘In a way I should reject.’

‘But will I?’

‘Indecision;’ Alun smiles, ‘mum always said she should have given me indecision as my middle name. Alun Indecision Hughes instead of – never mind the actual is worse than indecision.’ The thought at least momentarily breaks his concern for his friend.

With darkness about Alun slowly makes his way back only to discover Taylor hasn’t yet returned from his riding.

Gary’s stories are about life for gay men in Australia’s past and present. Your emails to him are the only payment he receives. Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Conder 333 at Hotmail dot Com

16,515 views