Published: 18 Sep 2023

The filming at the native camp went well and although only a short scene it was in the can after a single take. Surprisingly once the cameras commenced to roll the imported indigenous actors appeared to cherish their part in the production, while unlike many of their white contemporaries they remembered their lines verbatim and didn’t play the camera.

It was time for the nude swimming scene. After tethering their horses the boys advancing to the river bank in full period costume and Simon calls to Alun, “I hope you’re not wearing your teddy bears Alun.”

“No Simon.”

The filming crew enjoys the humour as Simon calls for quiet.

Once beside the river, Simon directs the cameras to be used in the shot to take their positions. He then approaches the boys.

“How do you feel Alun?”

“Okay I guess.”

“What about you Taylor?”

“Ditto.”

“So are you ready?”

Again they both agree.

“Take your places;”

Taylor gives Alun a nod, “Ready?”

“Yes.”

“Who are you?” Taylor quietly encourages as if to focus Alun on his part.

“Chance I am Logan McGregor,” Alun answers in a soft whisper.

“Then Logan let’s get this scene into the can.”

“This is a closed scene,” Simon calls, “anyone not required please leave and no mobile phones or camera’s – understood?”

Logan moves to the river bank as the cameras began filming.

“It’s flaming hot,” Logan says as he wipes at the sprayed on sweat from his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt, then with a smile he glances towards the cloudless sky as if to support his sentiment.

At this point Taylor ad-libs, “we could do with some rain.”

Close behind camera one Simon cringes.

Quickly Alun follows the ad-lib, “that we could Chance,” he then quickly returns to script, “do you want to go for a swim?”

Simon settles and allows the conversation between Logan and Chance to continue without interruption.

Chance glances downstream where a number of native boys are playing in the shallows. In reality there is no one and the playing children will be spliced into the scene at a later date.

“Do you want to join them?” Chance asks.

“No I need to speak with you about our trip south.”

The boys commence to undress, Alun appears to hesitate and Simon is about to cut filming but Alun quickly returns to script and soon both lads are naked. Alun is concerned as being naked in private is without consciousness, now in public every nerve ending from his head to his feet appears to be reacting to the environment and he is fighting to remain in script.

“What are you looking at?” Logan says.

“You, I love seeing you naked,” the words were those of Chance, and part of dialogue, yet Taylor appear genuine in speaking them, bringing Alun to once again pause.

Taylor gives a secret wink bringing Alun back to script.

“Come on swimming time,” Logan laughs and quickly dives into the water. It is cold even for the time of year.

Chance follows with equaled vigor.

“Coming closer and standing waist deep in the water, Chance places a hand on Logan’s shoulder, “I’m a little hesitant about the trip,” he says.

“Don’t worry I have it all planned.”

“How will we travel?”

“By ship from Sydney to the Port of Geelong in the colony of Victoria and then whatever we can find to the gold fields.”

“I thought we could ride.”

“It would be too far and there aren’t any roads, while the natives past the Murrumbidgee River are somewhat hostile.”

Taylor lowers his eyes for a moment and again gives a secret smile that went unnoticed by camera.”

“What?” Alun cautiously whispers, so not to be picked up by the boom mic.

“You have an erection,” Taylor whispers out of camera.

“Get back into script,” Alun softly growls.

“I’m a little nervous of travelling by sea,” Taylor admits.

“It will be fun – come here.”

It is time for their first kiss and in script Logan takes Chance’s arm pulling him into an embrace. Alun can feel his heart pounding in his chest as they come closer, ‘I can’t fuck it up,’ he thinks; ‘just do it,’

Their lips meet and Alun closes his eyes, he is now Logan and Chance’s lips feel soft and sweet and he is without fear of revulsion.

With the swimming scene concluded the boys quickly redress in time for lunch in the form of a barbeque under the shade of a grove of eucalyptus trees. With their plates loaded with steak, chips and salad the boys move aside to enjoy their food.

Simon approaches with appraisal, “good job lads but we will have to cut the full frontal footage of you Alun.”

“Why so?” Alun asks but is pleased with the decision.

“I think you know why and for the opposite reason that of Taylor will be kept, although it will only be a glimpse.”

“That’s alright by me,” Taylor assures.

“Also; one more thing.”

“What would that be Simon?” Taylor asks.

“You Taylor, the mic picked up your little comment.”

“Oh!”

“Never mind a little tweak and it can be omitted but I hope that is the last we hear of private conversation during filming. That also goes for you Alun.”

The boys apologize in unison as Simon moves away to discuss further filming with Michael Long.

“What was the problem with your full frontal?” Taylor asks.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Not really.”

“You’ve seen me naked what’s the dif’ between us?”

“Oh; but why would that matter?”

“Only Jews and Arabs were circumcised back in Logan and Chances days.”

“So that is why they are keeping the footage of me.”

“Does that concern you Taylor?”

“Not at all, I think I’ve always been somewhat an exhibitionist. Possibly that is what drew me towards acting.”

“At least you are honest.”

“Speaking of honesty, I noticed you had an erection while in the water.”

“I suppose it was nerves for being naked in public.”

“Are you sure that’s the entire reason?”

Alun huffs and leaves the question unanswered.

Back at the property the boys were invited to view the day’s filming. When it was time for the footage on the nude swimming the difference between the two lads was immediately noticeable but Simon quickly assured Alun, the footage of him would in the most end up on the cutting room floor.

“Would you like to keep a copy of the original before cutting?” Simon asks.

“No I don’t think so,” Alun discredits.

“I wouldn’t mind a copy,” Taylor quickly accepts.

Simon turns off the projector, “one more thing, a lot of the filming for the following two weeks will be done without you being present. Mostly it will be scenes relating to the sea voyage and the footage with you at sea will be done later, so you can have some time off. Go home and relax and refresh for the Ballarat shooting.”

During the afternoon the boys packed what they would need for their holiday back in the city. In doing so conversation developed on how they would enjoy the break. Alun was well planned in how he would spend his time. Firstly he would reacquaint with Jillian then after arranging to give up the lease on his apartment and organizing storage of his belongings it would be a begrudged visit to home.

“What of you Taylor? What are your plans?”

“I have a few people to catch up with.”

“Family?”

“Yes my mother as she needs a few things done around the house.”

“I would suggest you come and stay at the apartment but I am vacating and I will probably stay with Jillian for the remainder of our down time.”

“If you give up your apartment, where will you live once filming is over?” Taylor asks.

“Good question, with a little luck there will be more offers, possible someone in Hollywood but if not then I will find somewhere closer to a surf beach.”

“What of Jillian, if you had an offer would she go to America with you?”

“No, she has her own career and in many ways she has outshone me and wouldn’t follow, of that I am sure.”

“I don’t like seeing relationships break up. It saddens me,” Taylor says.

“It hasn’t come to that as yet Taylor.”

“By the way you speak it is already happening.”

“Sometimes relationships don’t break, they simply fade away. Not unlike a sunset, beautiful at first then a slow fading to dark.”

“Poetical, is that how you feel about your relationship with Jillian?”

“In a way yes and I believe the drift had started long before I took up the role of Logan.”

“Still I don’t like seeing friends break up.”

“It’s the way of everything Taylor, especially when you don’t have control. I’ll finish packing while you ready the car.”

On reaching the apartment Taylor parks and offers up the car keys to Alun.

“No you keep the car, I won’t need it.” Alun rejects.

“Are you sure?”

“I am, you have further to travel and I can use public transport.”

“Where should I collect you from for the return?”

Alun scribbles down an address on an old envelope.”

“Whose address is it?”

“Jillian’s but if there is a change I’ll give you a bell.”

Alun pauses on the footpath while watching Taylor as he drives away. His thoughts digress to their swimming scene and how he became excited during the process. ‘It was simply nerves,’ he silently reiterates but was it simply nerves from being naked in public. Alun was developing a deep friendship with Taylor and as each scene advanced, he was becoming more like Logan and Taylor was becoming his Chance. He recalls a playful warning given to him by his instructor at the VCA academy and even if it had been shared in jest, it held strongly in his memory. Be careful how you play a part or the wind may change and you become that part. He remembered Heath Ledger as the Joker in Batman and how it was reported it played badly on his mental stability after filming, possibly becoming the catalyst for his final overdose of medication, accidently or not.

‘Am I becoming Logan?’

‘What of Taylor is he turning into Chance?’

‘No Taylor is simply Taylor and I must admit a better actor than I will ever be.’

‘But what of Taylor; what after Chance is no more.’

Alun gives a slight head shake and a huff of disregard towards his concern and enters the building’s foyer. Once again the aircon is down and the lift isn’t working.

‘I won’t be sorry to leave here,’ Alun admits as he uses the stairs.

Once inside the apartment he commences his preparation to vacate the premises. On passing the window to the balcony he again notices his peeping-tom, ‘doesn’t he ever work?’ he thinks, ‘I should give his a show before I leave.’ Going onto the balcony Alun makes it obvious he is looking in the peeping-tom’s direction and the curtains across the way fall closed.

Alun gives an exaggerated wave before returning inside.

It is fortunate for Alun, Jillian wasn’t performing that weekend and at her suggestion they were to meet at a new Italian restaurant she had discovered in Lygon Street in Carlton. Alun had hoped it would be the two of them but as usual Vivien would be along with Wayne and his new boyfriend. Alun wished to protest but knowing Jillian’s persistence he simply agreed, at least they would have personal time during the evening.

Arriving at the restaurant Alun was having further misgivings not wishing to spend even a small proportion of his downtime with Jillian’s friends. He never had time for Vivien and Wayne was definitely a required taste. It wasn’t because Wayne was gay, it was Wayne’s forwardness and his obvious need to wear his gayness on his sleeve, in his voice and his persona.

Alun shudders slightly as he enters into the restaurant but spying Jillian alone his hope is building.

Jillian had booked a table in a quiet corner; even so the noise level was high from what was obvious a birthday party of expat Italians, who took up a good portion of the restaurant and a majority of the noise level.

“It’s a little noisy,” Alun says as he reaches Jillian’s table.

“A little,” Jillian agrees; “you took your time,” she complains.

“There was trouble with the tram, some dumb bugger did a u-turn and was collected by a tram.”

“Was anyone hurt?”

“I couldn’t say but the car was a mess. It was an almost new BMW as well – it was a black one.”

“What is the significance in being black?”

“The car was probably stolen by drug runners and their car of choice appears to be a black BMW.”

“I’ve already ordered for you,” Jillian says as Vivien appears from the toilet. She always claimed to have a weak bladder and by the two half bottles of red on the table, it was possible she had already consumed more than it could cope with.

Alun displays his developing mood, “how do you know what I would like?”

“Pizza is pizza and you usually order capricciosa.”

“I was hoping for something different, we’ve had pizza for most of the week, besides if you recollect I usually order Hawaiian.”

Jillian gives a weak apology, “sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter, capricciosa will do fine,” Alun says as Vivien takes her seat.

“How’s the promising actor?” Vivien asks.

“It is going well Viv’, where’s your friend?”

“Wayne couldn’t make it. He’s had another row with his boyfriend.”

Alun feels relieved but avoids comment.

“How did you go with the apartment?” Jillian asks.

“All done and I have the removal van arriving tomorrow morning. I’m storing my stuff in dad’s garage.”

“How did you manage to get David to agree in giving up some of his precious garage space?”

“I had mum arrange it.”

“Where is your acting partner?” Vivien asks.

“Taylor has returned home, at present he lives with his mother, I think it is in Carnegie.”

“I thought you were going to bring him along.”

“Possibly another time.”

“Have you kissed him yet?” There is teasing in Vivien’s tone.

“What does that mean Vivien,” Alun’s eyes narrow into disapproving slits.

“I’ve read the script and noticed there is a scene where you are expected to kiss Chance – or should I say Taylor.”

“Acting is just that Vivien – nothing more.”

“I’d kiss him, he’s cute.” Vivien admits.

The girls laugh without further commenting on Vivien’s admission.

Vivien’s mobile sounds and she answers.

“Yes Wayne it’s me.”

“Who else would be answering my phone?”

“So you have made up?”

“That’s good I don’t think I could take much more of your moping.”

“Yes Alun is here.”

“Would you like to speak with him?

Alun shakes his head in refusal.

“No, Taylor isn’t here; – Wayne I have to go my pizza is getting cold. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I promise.”

Vivien finishes the call, “it appears I’m not the only one who would give your mate one,”

“Try to keep it nice Viv’,” Alun says.

After a taxi home Alun and Jillian settle into the last night that would be shared at his apartment. “You haven’t done much packing,” Jillian assumes from the lack of activity, while noticing a number of boxes and an empty kitchen but little more.

“I found a good removalist and they do everything. All you need to do is give them the keys and the delivery address.”

“That’s lazy, besides can you trust them.”

“They are well recommended, besides I don’t own much of value. Would you like a drink before bed?”

“No thank you, I had enough at dinner, what I would like is a shower and an early night.”

Alun gives a cheeky grin, “I would like that.”

“Do you mind if we skip the squelchy bits. I have been called in early tomorrow.”

“You didn’t say.”

“I had a call at the restaurant while you were taking a leak.”

“I haven’t seen you for weeks and was hoping we could spend some time together. Possibly you could come with me when I visit home.”

“You just want backup from David’s questioning.”

“It helps as he usually spends more time looking at you than giving me grief.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t much downtime for a while, possibly next weekend.”

Alun takes in a deep breath and releases it with disappointment.

“That’s show-business I’m afraid. As you probably realise by now,” Jillian says and goes for her shower. She returns, “towels, or have you packed them away already?”

“No what was there is in the laundry bag; I’m taking it to mum for washing. Get one out of the top box in the bedroom.”

By the time Jillian showers Alun is already in bed sitting up with a hopeful smile, he pats the bed beside, “in ya’ get,” he says.

Jillian snuggles in, stretches and she yawns away his intention.

“Are you sure you don’t mind me staying at your apartment for the rest of my visit?” Alun says.

“Of course not and we could go for a meal Friday night.”

“I would like that.”

“Oh I almost forgot it is Viv’s birthday and we are supposed to be going for drinkies. I guess we could make it a restaurant instead.”

“Oh!”

“You don’t like Vivien?”

“Why do you say that?”

“It’s your attitude whenever her name is mentioned.”

“It isn’t a matter of liking Vivien but she is always there, no matter where we go. The two of you are like Heckle and Jeckle.”

“She is my oldest friend,” Jillian protests.

“Ed calls her a fruit-fly,”

“Why does Ed Stanley say that?”

“She is always around gay guys.”

“I don’t get the connection.”

“He calls gay guys fruit.”

“That’s not nice, I thought you mate was better mannered.”

“It is nothing compared to what dad calls Viv’.”

“Go on what does David call her?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“You realise I’ve known Vivien since schooldays, so it is only natural we hang out.”

Alun looks about the bed, the room, “nope,” he says.

“What are you on about?”

“I thought Vivien may be in bed with us, or at least taking notes on what we are up to. She always seems to know.”

“Alun you are being obtuse.”

“And then there is Wayne and his suggestive dialogue.”

“Wayne is harmless, simply ignore him.”

“As you always say but it isn’t his gayness that irks me, it’s the way he has to keep reminding everyone he is gay.” Alun lowers his tone with a smile, “come here,” he says and reaches out to bring Jillian closer.

“I’m sorry Alun but I’m bushed, you wouldn’t enjoy it.”

“Alright.”

“Are you angry with me?”

“Of course not I was agreeing, a good night’s sleep and a cuddle will be good for us both,”

Gary’s stories are about life for gay men in Australia’s past and present. Your emails to him are the only payment he receives. Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Conder 333 at Hotmail dot Com

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