Published: 15 Oct 2020

A new chapter opened as the train pulled into a dark Mareeba platform. Lewis scanned for sight of Calvin and there he was true to his promise, leaning against the ticketing office wall. His broad arms folded across his well developed chest while searching the carriage for sight of Lewis.

“Hey there!” Lewis called as he stepped down to the platform.

Calvin approached and shaking his head in tease he smiled. “Hey there yourself, the train is late.”

“Nothing new about that, there were cattle on the line near Bullock Creek and instead of heading into the scrub they followed the line. One had to be coaxed off a bridge and was most reluctant.”

Calvin took control of Lewis bag and directed him to his car beyond the station.

“I have a strange sensation.” Lewis admitted.

“What would that be?”

“Being here and with you. So many past times I have arrived at the station, some on holiday from the hostel, others arriving from distant places but most of all the day Will returned from the army and I travelled from Cairns with him.

“Yes he mentioned so and he offered to meet for a couple of beers,” Calvin gave a chuckle, “I remember he was so nervous you would not agree.”

“I almost didn’t, it was only curiosity while wondering what his next move would be and which arm he would break but what gave him the opinion I was – well you know?”

“Lewis you were never good at hiding your feelings.”

“Someone else said that.”

“It’s your eyes they give you away.”

“Where’s this house you rented?” Lewis enquired as they entered into Byrne Street, past Brown’s Newsagency, past Dunlop and Royal hotels while turning left along Hort Street. “We had the shop down on the left at the end.” Lewis pointed to the end shop, now a café

“I knew it well, I hope you don’t mind but it’s an old farmhouse across the river on Anzac Road. I thought seeing you’ve been in the bush for such a long time you may not be ready for the town.

Lewis watched Calvin as he drove across town, amused at the way he held the driving wheel and placed his thumb against his top front teeth while in thought, how he took a deep breath before answering a question. He was Will to a fault.

“What are you looking at?” Calvin smiled noticing his friend watching every move he made.

“You.”

“Why?”

“Everything about you is your brother, the way you talk, what you say even how you drive a car.”

“We were identical twins.”

“You know Calvin this all spooks me somewhat,” Lewis admitted.

“Sorry but I am who I am and can’t change that.”

“I understand so but it may take me a while to bed into it.”

“You have the rest of your life,” Calvin stated as he turned into the farmhouse drive, his car lights flashing green on the front door. “It’s only a small place, quite old but comfortable,” Calvin apologised.

“I am sure it will be fine.”

Once inside Calvin gave Lewis a guided tour which took the best part of a minute. There were two bedrooms both fitted out with three quarter beds and the well appointed kitchen was neat and clean, with a sitting dining room attached.

“It’s a palace in comparison with where I was living.” Lewis admitted.

“I saw what appeared to be accommodation past the main house when I visited and wasn’t too impressed.” Calvin recollected.

“No I had a house some distance off to the right from there,” Lewis then explained its simple layout and how he enjoyed the solitude of the lagoon.

“I was never one for roughing it,” Calvin confessed and continued the presentation, “two bedrooms one for you and one for me, they are the same size and I’ve taken the one closest to the kitchen, unless you want it.”

“No any will do.”

“Make yourself comfortable and I’ll fix you something to eat,” Calvin said and headed for the kitchen.

“You can cook?”

“I pass.”

“Will could cook; he said he learnt in the army and even after being discharged he complained about peeling potatoes, saying it was my turn as he had done his apprenticeship.”

“I missed out on army service,” Calvin called back from the kitchen.

“So did I, how come you missed out as you were born on the same day as Will?”

“No Will was born first at four minutes to midnight on the Fifth of September and I at seven minutes past on the Sixth, so although we are identical I am the youngest and that eleven minutes saved me from National Service.” Calvin gave a cheeky chortle.

“What’s so funny?”

“The truth of it,”

“I don’t get your meaning.” Lewis came to the kitchen door as Calvin dished up the meal.

“No one knows the truth, as being identical it is possible I was born first, or Will. It wasn’t until we were consciously aware of self that we answered to our names.”

“Confusing,” Lewis admitted.

“Not to us, I should think it is like having two pet dogs, eventually one or the other will realise what tag to answer to, especially if there is reward in the offering.”

“Surely your mother could tell the difference between you both?”

“She isn’t that kind of mother, her and dad were more interested in making money and having a good time, besides she had an older brother and sister to contend with.”

“It must have been fun growing up as a twin.” Lewis perceived.

“I suppose it was like having an extra head as often we knew what the other was thinking. Even now with Will gone I feel something is missing, it is as if part of me has been cut away and although I can’t see it I still feel it there.”

“Like what people profess after loosing an arm or a leg and they still feel the pain in the missing limb.” Lewis supposed.

“Yes I’ve heard that said.”

After their meal Calvin escorted Lewis to the lounge and sat him down with a beer. “What do you reckon?” he asked passing his hand across the room in gesture. Lewis admitted he liked it but had a host of questions that needed answering.

“When did you and Will find out about each other?” Lewis asked nervously.

“Liking men?”

“Yes.”

“I suppose I realised in primary school since the episode behind the girl’s toilets with Lenny Farquhar. playing show and tell and although Will knew about me he never commented and during our mid teen years he admitted he was bisexual. Then when he returned from the army he confided in me and I was the only person, except for you that knew the true reason for his discharge.”

“That’s when Will and I got together.”

“As a couple true but in retrospect I should have seen the signs in Will as he always mentioned you and made me jealous.

“I don’t believe it – two of the most spunky well built blokes in town had intentions towards scrawny me.” Lewis laughed as something else came to mind, “that would be why in the early days I thought Will had a split personality, sometime he was friendly, others a right mean bugger. He once threatened to rip my balls off.”

“It was nothing but show with Will and I was the friendly one towards you.”

“I still can’t imagine why either of you were interested in me?”

“It isn’t always the look but the person,” Calvin answered.

“That was also Wills answer.” Lewis paused as Calvin retrieved a second beer.

“Not to say that you aren’t a good looking fellow.” Calvin assured.

“Suppose I should try and find work,” Lewis declared.

“No need, I have enough money to last both of us for life.”

“That wouldn’t seem right,” Lewis answered feeling somewhat embarrassed by Calvin’s suggestion.

“I still want to take you back to Melbourne, so why not just treat this as a holiday while you are making up you mind and if we go south you can think of work then.”

“Return to Melbourne,” Lewis said.

“Would you like to do so?”

“I did return once but it didn’t work, Will and I planned to do so and now he’s gone, it is as some mysterious northern force has hold of me and won’t let go. I had designed my return so often I was called the stay behind kid.

“So I heard but if you agree this time it will be for keeps.”

After the second beer Lewis felt the trip and reunion had taken the energy out of him and suggested bed. Calvin walked him to his room and standing at the door watched Lewis test the mattress, he then spoke.

“Unless,” Calvin said softly.

“Unless what?” Lewis asked.

“Unless you would like to join me in the other room.”

“In bed?”

“Why not, like when we shared in Georgetown.”

“Okay,” Lewis answered without question, “but don’t mind me if I accidentally call you Will.”

“It would be a privilege if you did.”

Lewis followed Calvin to his room.

“With or without underwear?” Calvin asked.

“Without,” Lewis answered.

“With or without the light?” Calvin followed while his finger hovered over the switch.

“With, as I said I want to see if you are an identical twin.”

“You cheeky bugger,” Calvin said with a grin and was soon standing naked before Lewis, “satisfied, do I pass inspection?”

“All I can say is you were perfect twins and excited at that.”

Calvin turned out the light and gently pulled Lewis into his powerful arms. “I’ve been waiting for this moment since I was a kid and I don’t want to ruin it by acting too quickly.”

“We’ll take it slowly as it still all seems a little strange and unbelievable.”

Two weeks had passed and Lewis had become quite accustomed to Calvin’s company, finding the more he became acquainted with him the less he accidentally called him Will. In his mind the twins were amalgamating into one brother and Lewis was losing the strangeness he felt towards being with Calvin, while the character of Calvin commenced to fill the empty space left by Will’s death but still they hadn’t enjoyed each other’s bodies past touch.

The Royal had been quiet that night and neither felt like drinking, so after a short time returned to home.

“There’s a letter for you on the kitchen table, I forgot to give it to you earlier.” Calvin called from the bathroom.

“Who is it from?” Lewis quizzically asked.

“Only one way to find out, I’m going to take a shower.”

Lewis opened his letter.

“Who is it from?” Calvin called back.

“Bob Kelly, I worked with him at Gilbert Downs.”

“What’s he say?”

“Only news about the station, hardly anything really.”

“Are you going to answer it?”

“I will, I like Bob even if he is sexually mixed up.”

“Is he gay?” Calvin’s voice came over the fall of water.

“No I’m sure of that but he worked me out.”

Lewis came to the bathroom door and stood staring at Calvin.

“What are you looking at?” Calving asked quizzically.

“Your dick,” Lewis smiled and with his words it commenced to enlarge.

“You know Calvin; I think I am growing towards you.” Lewis said; his eyes still on the now fully erect member.

“What does growing towards mean?”

“I think I sort of love you, if I must say it but feel guilty is doing so.”

“I know I love you,”

“How can you say that after such a short time?”

“As I said it was me who first met you, me who wanted you, me who agreed to step aside and that was difficult.”

“You don’t blame Will do you?” Lewis asked.

“I could never blame Will.”

“I’m still overwhelmed by it all, it doesn’t happen in real life and never to me.”

“Stop gawking and come and join me.”

Lewis obeyed like an obedient puppy and placed his body under the flow of water, while Calvin ran his strong hands down Lewis back and across his buttocks. He kissed and Lewis returned the kiss.

“We should finish with the shower and go to the bedroom.” Calvin suggested.

“I,”

“What?”

“I’m not sure if I’m ready to take that step.”

“Your choice,”

Lewis faltered, “I guess it’s bound to happen sooner or later – come on.”

“If you’re not ready we can wait. Calvin spoke softly while running his hand down Lewis’ chest, across his stomach and pausing within reach of Lewis’ erection.

“I’m sure.”

Calvin then touched his lips lightly on those of Lewis and closed his eyes.

Once more playing house suited Lewis and Calvin seemed to be a master of the kitchen and housework, yet he performed all he did with a masculine edge and as Will had, Calvin loved to sing along to his country music, while unlike Lewis he sang in tune. His deep voice would echo through the house bringing calm to Lewis.

“Do you know?” Lewis would ask Calvin to sing some obscure tune.

“No how does it go?” Calvin would request.

Then Lewis, not daring to sing it, would attempt to recite the chosen lyrics.

“Not the way you sing it,” Calvin would declare and on every occasion he answered in such a way Lewis would be forced to laugh.

“Oh there is something I never told you.” Lewis declared after one such episode.

“Now what would that be.”

“Do you remember Mary White?”

Calvin admitted he didn’t recollect the name.

“She is an aboriginal girl Will used to screw,” Lewis shared.

“I knew he spread it around and did know he was having it off with some dark girl.” It was then Calvin thought he must protect his brother’s character. “But he only chased everything in a skirt to hide his true feelings.”

“I realise that,” Lewis answered in equal defence, ‘what you probably don’t know is she has had a kid to him.”

“What?” Calvin gasped in disbelief.

“Mary told me when she was kitchen help up on the station and at first I thought I was the father.” Lewis admitted.

“So you were a gin jockey as well as Will?” Kelvin smiled. “Only once and I think it would be more correct to say she rooted me – It was my first female sex.” Lewis declared; “my only and truthfully my first penetration of any kind.” Lewis admitted

“I beet you there,” Calvin freely admitted.

“I’m living with a straight boy,”

“More a disguise but it was fun. What about this baby?” Calvin asked showing much interest.

“I don’t know a great deal but I believe Mary has run of with someone who doesn’t want the kid and she left it with the women in the camp down on the Granite.”

“What is it a boy or a girl?” Calvin asked.

“A boy and Mary said white as white with red hair.”

“Shit and Will is definitely the father?”

“I guess red hair is a giveaway,”

“I’m an uncle, should we try and find him?” Calvin’s thinking was polarising and Lewis liked his apparent direction.

“Then what?”

“I don’t know.”

“What if seeing the child becomes distressing for you – or me if it comes to that?” Lewis suggested.

“Still don’t know but it’s worth following.”

“I agree but let’s think about it first.”

Calvin became eager and broke into the broadest smile he had ever given. “Shit mate I’m an uncle and he’s a McKee redhead.”

“What does that make me?” Lewis asked feeling somewhat left out of the celebrations.

“An auntie of course,” Calvin laughed.

Lewis ignored the suggestion. “Would you drive me up to Herberton on Saturday?”

“Sure why?”

“I promised Ivy back at Gilbert Down’s I would call in on her son Wayne and if you don’t mind take him out for the day.”

“I don’t mind but what would he think of you being with me?”

“Knowing Wayne he will probably twig straight away, he’s a little poof in the making and I caught him and the bookkeeper’s son giving each other a tug in the scrub.”

“You didn’t join in – did you?” Calvin asked with suggestive humour.

“Of course not, too young and too close to work but he is a cutie in the making – give him a couple of years, or five.”

Late Saturday morning Calvin parked the car outside the brick building that was the boy’s section of the hostel, while Lewis went in search of management. Since his days the hostel had totally changed, the old building had become derelict and the girls who once occupied the brick building had moved across town to an establishment on the Atherton road. With the girls gone the boys were moved into the newer brick establishment.

At the door he encountered a thin blue rinsed lady with rhinestone glasses and a long hooked nose, who introduced herself as Mrs.

Turner, she smiled a suspicious smile while looking past Lewis to the considered ruffian seated behind the wheel of the new Ford Sedan.

“Mrs. Turner, I was wondering if it would be possible to take Wayne Gooding out for the day, I have his mother Ivy’s permission.” Lewis declared.

“Yes I have had a letter from Wayne’s mother and she said it would be alright for Wayne to go with you.” The thin woman looked down her long hooked nose, “firstly have you some identification?”

Lewis offered his licence which she scrutinised with a measure of interest then handed the folded document back. “You can never be too careful these days, I’ll see if I can find him.” She closed the door and disappeared into the bowels of the dormitory, only to return moments later with the confused lad by her side.

As the door opened Wayne’s eyes widened and the happiness that was apparent during his holidays at the station returned.

“Lewis!” he declared in an animated tone.

“In the flesh mate, I told you I would keep an eye on you.”

“But I didn’t believe you,” Wayne answered. “What’s up?” he questioned quizzically.

“That’s up to you, would you like to go somewhere for the day?”

“Like where?” Wayne asked.

“Again it’s up to you.”

“Sure.”

It was now Mrs Turner’s turn to speak. “Don’t forget be back before dark.”

Lewis nodded in agreement and guided Wayne to the car.

“New car is it yours?”

“No a friend of mine.” Lewis opened the rear door. “Wayne I would like you to meet Calvin.”

“Oh.” Wayne declared thinking it would be a day out with himself and Lewis. Calvin ignored Wayne’s breath of disappointment and gave the lad an encouraging greeting, which he accepted but reverted his conversation back to Lewis.

“How’s everything at Gilbert Downs?” He asked eagerly wishing to know everything possible about the station and his mother, not forgetting Horse.

“Can’t really say I don’t work there any more,” Lewis answered.

“What about the motorbike?” Wayne asked.

“I gave it to Bob.” “What about Horse and the foals?”

“Bob has Horse and I gave the foals to Mr. Thompson.”

“Oh, I was hoping you would give me a ride on the bike next holidays.” The disappointment was obvious as he lowered his head.

“Bob is a better rider than I am and I am sure he will give you a ride. Now where do you want to go?”

“Swimming at Eacham.” Wayne declared eagerly.

“Have you any togs?”

“Soon will,” Wayne flung the door wide and disappeared back into the building only to return seconds later waving his swimming trunks.

“How long have you known Calvin?” Wayne asked Lewis as they travelled through the cooling jungle of the tableland.

“Not long Calvin is the brother of a friend of mine who died in a car accident.”

“Oh – where are you living?” another question from Wayne.

“Mareeba.”

“Oh – with Calvin?”

“Your friend sure asks a lot of questions.” Calvin declared with a laugh.

“You haven’t heard anything yet,” Lewis agreed.

“Have you heard from Donald?” Wayne asked.

“I don’t have reason to Wayne. I guess he’s back down the coast with his mother, or gone to university.”

“He promised to write.”

Soon they were approaching Lake Eacham, “some people promise things they haven’t intention to keep.” Lewis said.

“Then they shouldn’t make promises they don’t intend to keep,” Wayne growled remembering the many broken promises issued against him over the years.

Calvin parked the car.

“Possibly it was meant at the time Wayne.”

“Coming in for a swim?” Wayne asked as they walked towards the kiosk and changing rooms.

“No swimming gear mate,” Lewis answered.

“No matter I’ve seen you naked we can go around the corner and skinny dip, I know a good spot.” Wayne said eagerly.

“Yes you cheeky bugger and I told you then that wasn’t very smart, besides what would you mother say?” Lewis lightly scolded the lad to no effect.

“She wouldn’t know.”

“But I would,” Lewis turned to Calvin with an explanation, “I caught the cheeky little bugger spying on me when I was taking a shower.”

“I was only joking,” Wayne issued in defence.

“Alright we’ll leave it at that. Go on get changed and we’ll meet you down at the jetty.”

While Wayne dove from the tower into the deep water’s of the lake and splashed around like some deprived water baby, Lewis and Calvin sat by watching somewhat resembling two attentive parents. Now and then Wayne would return and ask if they saw his dive or backwards summersault off the deck or belly flop that was designed as a dive and after being given enough praise he returned to the cooling water.

“I forgot to tell you.” Lewis declared after one such bout of praise towards Wayne.

“What was that?” Calvin asked.

“I’ve found Mary White’s mother, she lives down at the Mareeba camp.”

“Umm.”

“Do you want to check up on Will’s kid?”

“Yes, I think that would be a good idea.”

Eventually Wayne tired of his water antics and returned. “Do you want some lunch?” Calvin asked.

“Sure.”

“How about fish and chips?” Calvin suggested. All agreed.

“Atherton?” Calvin declared.

“The little place on the Yungaburra Road was Will’s favourite.” Lewis said after agreeing.

“Should be, I introduced him to it.”

With lunch finished Lewis asked Wayne what else he would like to do and after saying he would like to go back to the station and being told it was out of the question, he said he would like to see Mareeba once again.

“You will need to ask Calvin it is his car.”

“Please Calvin,”

Calvin agreed but said it would have to be a fleeting visit otherwise they wouldn’t get him back to the hostel before dark.

After milk shakes in Mareeba’s main street Wayne wanted to show Lewis where he once lived then after a drive by he wished to see where Lewis and Calvin had their house. Another drive by with Wayne disappointed at not being given the opportunity to, in his words, check the place out and it was time to head back to Herberton.

“Can I ask you something Lewis?” Wayne asked as they passed through the Walkamin Research Station.

“You can ask but I may not answer,” was Lewis’ reply.

“Are you two?” he paused.

“Are we what?” Lewis quietly demanded.

“You know bum-jumping.”

“You cheeky little bugger,” Calvin laughed but wasn’t angered being previously warned about the lad’s forwardness. “That one is yours Lewis.” Calvin handed Wayne’s question across to his friend.

“Didn’t I warn you about that kind of talk back on the station?” Lewis said.

“Well Bob said you were,,,” Wayne couldn’t find a word to describe the act except poofter or poof and neither seem appropriate in his present company.

“You shouldn’t believe everything you hear from Bob Kelly my young friend.” Lewis answered.

“You haven’t answered the question,” Wayne complained.

“Are you?” Lewis reversed Wayne’s query.

“You have me there as you caught me with Donald,” Wayne answered truthfully without embarrassment.

“You weren’t as you say bum-jumping.”

“We coulda’ been so if you hadn’t turn up.” Wayne truthfully admitted.

“Enough Wayne,”

Back at the Hostel Lewis bid a sad farewell to Wayne and promised they would once again visit. Both watched as he waved from the door and disappeared back into the gloom of hostel living.

“That was you a few years back.” Calvin said. He had grown in one afternoon to like the lad even if he though he was a little high spirited and asked too many personal questions.

“True and I know exactly how he feels but it won’t be long before he’s out and about on his own and he will forget all the bad times,” Lewis with retrospect prophesised.

“Do you miss any element of your time there?”

“I guess I miss having some lasting friendship with those I grew accustomed to but I should think most friendships were forced.”

“What do you mean forced?” Calvin asked.

“I supposed it is like being in prison or the army, you have no choice but make friends with your fellow inmates. Yet in some instances the friendships were somewhat contrived, I guess little more than sharing stories of places far away and wishing to be there. Although I did make some true friends but oddly have never kept in contact.”

“You say inmates,”

“Yes it was similar to what I believe prison would be like but without locked doors and bars, with threat of punishment and loss of privileges being the restraints.”

“Did you have many bad times?”

“Not really,”

“There you go,”

Lewis cast his thoughts back to his stay at the hostel, in truth two internments with a two year break when Winnie took him back to Melbourne. That trip was the catalyst for him becoming the stay behind kid. Lewis had shifted about so often during his youthful years he didn’t understand what was considered normal. Ten schools in two states, a host of friends a multitude of goodbye’s and broken promises to keep in touch. His life then was a merry-go-round ride with an occasional stop to sniff the flowers but never long enough to watch the flowers grow. Possibly it was his accepting character that coped with constant change, even so it left a permanent mark on his nature without realisation and when he bonded to people it was expected to be for life. Lewis became serious, “bad times you say?”

“I’ve heard stories about places like the hostel.”

“Do you mean being sexually molested?”

“Yes along those lines.”

“No, the hostel wasn’t like that, well not from those is charge although it was often suggested but I never encountered any and they mostly left us to our own devices, although there was quite some so called horse play among the kids.”

“You?” Calving grinned.

“Yes me,”

“Bum-jumping?” Calvin laughed.

“Na, I don’t think we understood penetration even if we often spoke about it; mostly only mutual masturbation.”

“Was Will your first?” Calvin coyly asked.

“First what?”

“Penetration,”

“He was,”

“How did you get on with the kids?”

“There was a measure of bastardisation from the older kids and some had right sadistic streaks which brought one to think how they would act as adults.”

“Like what?”

“What they called initiation, new boys had their heads thrust into a piss filled toilet and the cistern flushed – things like that.”

Calvin gave a shudder, “I don’t think I would like being there. What about yourself?”

“My first day, I was six and freshly from the bush without experience of a mob of kids, even less about fighting. I had my head dipped and one of the kids pissed in my hair then I was forced to fight some kid for their entertainment.”

“Did you fight him?”

“Not in the true sense of the word, we wrestled around under the bed bunks for a while but didn’t draw blood, not even a single bruise. We became best of mates after that.”

“What about school; don’t the hostel kids go to the town’s state school?” Calvin asked.

“I never seemed to find the time to learn and in some ways I regret so but I guess I gleaned the basics and had enough to get me through life.”

“I finished my Senior year, so did Will,” Calvin admitted.

“For me it was Sub Junior, now year nine. Mum said I would have to again change school but believe it or not, I would rather have returned to the hostel but by then I was schooled out – one thing though.”

“Go on,”

“School for me was nothing but an itch I had to contend with but I often wonder what would have been the outcome if I put my mind to study.”

“Do you think things would have turned out different?”

“Maybe but if I were smarter,”

“You’re smart enough,” Calving disagreed.

“Maybe not smarter but if I studied more, then again I may have ended up in an office or working in a bank, or as my mother wished went to university down in Brisbane. If any of that happened I wouldn’t have met Will and then you. I guess not studying had its benefits.”

“I can’t apprehend living at the hostel, my life was as mundane as grass, one school, one family,” Calvin paused and laughed, “one love.”

“Oh yea, and who would that be?”

“You – you goose,”

“Now I’m embarrassed.”

“Don’t be,”

Gary’s stories are all about what life in Australia was like for a homosexual man (mostly, before we used the term, “gay”). Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Gary dot Conder at CastleRoland dot Net

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