Published: 20 Jul 2020

There was nothing to be done. Michael didn’t have Superman’s ability to reverse the earth’s rotation to save his friend. If only he could have prevented Scott’s death…. If only! Now, life would never be the same.

Seated with a bunch of other members of the wrestling team in the school gym, he listened to the minister talk about the hope of resurrection. It was of little comfort to one who had lost his soulmate.

A soloist sang a few verses of Amazing Grace, followed by a host of students who went to the microphone to pay their tribute to Scott. Most of them had an anecdote or two about the well-liked junior. Some of their words were greeted by laughter over the antics he’d pulled.

Mike couldn’t laugh. His feelings were too raw. Each story only served to deepen his pain – like a spike being driven into his heart.

Emotional reactions from students ran the gamut. Some of the guys beside him remained stoic. Perhaps they still clung to an outdated concept of manliness in which males weren’t supposed to show their feelings.

Others were wracked by occasional sobs. Mike had to concentrate on his breathing to keep from passing out. He showed no outward signs beyond the tears flowing down his cheeks.

The assistant coach sitting to his left put an arm around his shoulders. He knew the two boys had been inseparable. His touch conveyed a sense of caring which helped a little, but it made his tears flow harder.

“Do you want to go up and say a few words?” he asked.

Mike shook his head. There was no way he could talk, much less put together a coherent sentence.

In those moments, Michael’s whole life seemed to pass before him like a video on fast-forward. The scenes were filled with things Scott and he had done together from running around naked in the backyard as toddlers to sharing a pup-tent in scouts to double-dating for the homecoming dance their freshman year. Soccer games and wrestling matches were interspersed in more recent pictures. Each of them was illuminated by Scott’s mischievous, lopsided grin.

Then, his mind drifted back to the scene of Scott lying on the basement floor in a small pool of his own blood. Mike hadn’t seen it first-hand, but it was as vivid as if he had. It had been Scott’s mother who had heard a noise and had gone down to check on him when he didn’t answer her call.

Mike’s heart pounded so loudly he was certain everyone could hear it. He could hold back no longer. He rose to his feet and screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Scott, I love you. You can’t be dead; YOU CAN’T BE DEAD!”

“Mike, Mike, wake up, Man! I think you’re having a nightmare,” Scott said as he reached into the other sleeping bag and shook his buddy by the shoulders.

“Oh Scott, you’re alive! The details were so real. I can’t believe it was a dream.”

“Um, trust me, that’s all it was. So, tell me about it. Maybe that’ll help.”

“You had gone home on Thursday night and shot yourself. Your mother found you dead in the basement. Everyone at school was about crazy on Friday. There must have been a dozen counselors and ministers. I don’t think anyone learned anything that day.

“I was at your memorial service. Most of the school was there. All the teachers and coaches came. A bunch of people from town too. Lots of people cried.

“Worst of all, you were gone and I’d never managed to screw up the courage to tell you what you meant to me. Scott, you’re my soulmate. It’s like with Romeo and Juliet. I was trying to figure out how I could follow you. We don’t have any guns in our house.”

“If I had died, you’d have been okay without me,” Scott insisted. “It’s not like I was a girlfriend.”

“No, you aren’t listening. I love you Scotty! I feel for you what people say a guy should feel for a girl. There, I’ve confessed. You’ll probably hate me, but that’s better than having you die without me ever telling you.”

“Mikey, this is really weird.”

“I know; I should have kept my mouth shut. I didn’t mean to weird you out. I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s not what I mean. It’s eerie. It’s like fortune-teller stuff.”

“Huh?”

“I have a confession to make. Thursday after school I hit bottom. I don’t know why. My parents and older brothers have always been good to me. I’ve never been bullied. I’ve never gone hungry. I just haven’t felt right since I had that concussion at wresting camp last weekend.

“Anyway, I was suddenly so tired that I didn’t want to go on. I was going to end my life when I got home. Then you called and asked me to sleep over last night. Hearing your voice made me remember all the good times we’d had together. I figured I could wait until next week to check out. Even though I knew you couldn’t return the love I felt for you, I could enjoy one last weekend. I…….”

Scott couldn’t continue because his voice broke. Mike unzipped Scott’s sleeping bag and pulled him into his arms. They clung together sobbing.

“I think you saved my life,” Scott whispered. “I know you’ve given me something to live for.”

“You’d better not follow through on leaving me!”

“I don’t intend to.”

“Okay, but I’m not enough to keep you alive.”

“Yes, you are!”

“No, you need to see a doctor, I mean someone besides your dad, and maybe get meds and counseling. I’m not sure my love is enough. People get down and leave their loved ones. Your whole family cares about you, and you were ready to leave them.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to Dad.”

“I want to be with you when you do. I’d like my parents there too. We need to tell them everything.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I could go crazy worrying about coming out and get all depressed and stuff. We have to do it soon and we need to do it together.”

The boys wasted no time. They got their parents to take them out to dinner on Saturday night and come back to Mike’s home afterwards. The reason they gave was to talk about plans for a Halloween party. It was a flimsy excuse at best, but neither family treated it as such.

“Okay, we kinda got you together under false pretenses,” Scott began. “I’ve been having some bad feelings since my last concussion in wrestling and I need to get help and I’m gonna stop participating.”

“I’m quitting too,” Mike said. “But there’s more, and it came about because of a nightmare I had last night. In it, I thought Scott had killed himself.”

There was an audible gasp in the room.

“It gets deeper,” Scott took up the thread again. “You see, what he had dreamed was like a picture of what I was planning in my mind. I didn’t feel well and I was afraid Mikey would hate me if I told him how I felt about him. I care deeply about him. This isn’t puppy love. I’d like to spend the rest of my life with him.”

“And I feel the same!” Michael insisted. “We’re not crazy about labels, but we know we aren’t interested in girls, um, in that way.”

There was silence in the room for a few seconds as both sets of parents digested what had been said. They’d never thought of their sons as gay and had been totally blind-sided.

Finally, Scott’s father spoke.

“Looking back at how close you’ve always been, I can’t say that I’m totally shocked. If you’re certain about this, you have my blessing. We’ll get you whatever help you need, Scottie, but not for changing your orientation. As a physician, I know you were born as you are.”

The other parents found their tongues, and soon everyone was reassuring their sons that they had unconditional love and support.

The boys successfully convinced their parents to let them extend their sleepover for the rest of the weekend. They hoped to be able to room together in college in a couple of years as well.

Seeing their sincere devotion to one another, their parents agreed they could set up housekeeping together in the camper Scott’s family had parked behind their house. It seemed like a good way to see if this was a passing phase or if the teens had the close connection they claimed to have.

Mike’s love for him, along with counseling, gave Scott a new outlook on life. The support he received from both families helped, of course.

The boys spent the entire school year living as a couple, making some of their own meals, and doing laundry and housework. Little by little, they came out to more relatives and friends. By the time of soccer season in the spring, they were in a very good place.

Michael never had another nightmare, and Scott never again contemplated ending his life.

The End

Webmasters Note: Concussions in youth should always be taken seriously. Sometimes concussions can cause a personality shift and/or severe depression, among a host of other effects. Concussions in youth are different than concussions in an adult.

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