Published: 24 Nov 2022

Dev had taken a room at a boarding house close to his work at Como estate in the suburb of Toorak. Doing so wasn’t a break from his relationship with Toby but a way of working through his emotions brought on by his brother Jack deserting the military and leaving for America.

After more than a week in solitude he remained confused. Although his relationship with Jack was never smooth, it gave him comfort when anything went wrong, also he had never mourned the passing of his mother, now with Jack gone his attention turned towards Ilene and her sudden death and he was mourning the loss of both.

Many times over that week Dev wished to contact Toby, he missed his company, his guidance and the warmth of his body beside him at night but with each desire for contact, the wall of indecision and Jack’s departure came down before him as if they were veils of steel. Now even his work was suffering and although unknown to Dev his employment was only secured by a helpful word to his employer from Toby, requesting the lad have time to think through his problem.

During the second week of his seclusion, Dev felt need for company so he caught the tram to Richmond from where he walked along the river to the city, passing Jolimont on his way. Again he almost relented and entered but the house was in darkness, so he continued on towards the city and a few beers at Young and Jackson, being a hotel from his past and one that could stir memory and possibly an answer to his quandary.

The bar was moderately busy without a single face he recognised and he quickly realised that beer wasn’t the answer to his mood, so after one beer he departed to walk the length of Swanston Street, possibly walk across to Collingwood to his childhood home, believing that viewing it once more may removed the blockage he had created.

Across Swanston Street the sweet strains of children singing lifted as St. Paul’s choir practiced for the coming weekend service. Further along the street coaches and cabs were arriving in a long line at the town hall for some function of the city’s elders but neither lifted Dev’s spirit.

Dev paused at the town hall and smiled towards the well attired gentlemen as they mounted the steps to enter, remembering his days when he would be amongst them, lifting a silver chain and watch or a wallet. Now the idea filled him with guilt that was overpowering. His depression had him wish he could cross the street and apologise to them all, or cry out his guilt, possibly punishment may take away his state of mind. He instead released a rare smile towards the absurdity of such thinking and was about to move on when he was distracted by a hand upon his shoulder. He swung anxiously towards the intrusion.

“Douglas what are you doing in town?”

“I’m having a rare weekend away from work. What about yourself?”

“Ahh,” Dev simply responded.

“How is Toby?”

“Ahh,” Dev again responded unsure how he should answer.

“You haven’t broke-up I hope?”

“Not as such can we go somewhere quiet?”

“Sure how about a beer?”

“No, not a beer,”

“I’ve taken a room at the Victoria in Little Collins Street, we could go there.”

Little was spoken during the way to the hotel until they reached Jones’ room. Inside Jones spoke, “well out with it, I’ve known you long enough to realise you are bothered.”

“Yes somewhat,”

“Is it to do with Toby?”

“Not at all, it is Jack he left the military and went to America.”

“Why would that cause so much stress?”

“Jack’s leaving has made me realise I’m now without family.”

“Dev you have family, you have Toby, me, bloody Fisk and Luck when he decides to be around, you have more than most.”

Dev explains how he never grieved the passing of his mother and how Jack’s leaving brought it on.

“Then do so for Ilene but not for Jack you knew he would eventually go his own way. Besides you are about to go to England aren’t you?”

“Yes but how did you know?”

“One hears things even in the country. I think you should be concentrating on the rest of your life not the past.” What Jones omitted, Toby had contacted him and asked if he could come down to the city and talk Dev through his problem. The meeting in Swanston Street had been serendipitous, as Jones was about to travel to Dev’s room at the Toorak boarding house.

“I don’t know, I want to travel with Toby, I want to spend a lifetime with him but I feel unproductive, I have nothing to offer. Also if I go to England and Jack returns he won’t know how to find me.”

“What do you offer me in our relationship?” Jones asks.

“I don’t need to offer anything as we are joined at the hip by a past and equal hardship.”

“You offer friendship and it is more than enough for me Dev, I would be most disappointed if it isn’t enough for you. Besides even if we are at the far reaches of the world we will still be friends to the end, so it is with you and Jack.”

“It is not the same.”

“It is the same the only difference is with you and Toby it is experience and the lack of a past together and that will come if you allow it.”

“I never thought of it like that.”

“As for Jack, he has always wanted to find his father, you can’t begrudge him of that and if he returns looking for you, he knows how to find me and I can direct him.”

Was it Jones’ words or simply their chance meeting but Dev felt as if a weight was lifting from him, now all he wished to do was go back home to be with Toby. ‘Yes,’ he thinks, ‘home is with Toby and not the past, as it is a land worth visiting but not for living.

“So what do you think?” Jones asked as the colour appeared to return to his friends face.

“You are correct,”

“Then let us go to the pub and celebrate my correctness and drown your past – our past as we have, as has Jack, moved on.”

“Yes let’s do that.”

Going home to Jolimont was easy for Dev, all he wished to do was throw his arms around Toby and admit his failings but had he damaged their relationship and would Toby be ready to accept him without recourse.

Firstly he met Hubbard who was taking out the kitchen rubbish, “Good afternoon Devon,” Hubbard greeted with a smile and for the first time acknowledged him by his given name and not Mr. Gooding.

“Good afternoon Mr. Hubbard, is Toby in?”

“Yes Mr. Nevis is in the drawing room and will be most pleased to see you.”

Dev cautiously entered while speculating his reception, would Toby be cold and accusing or would he be acceptive. Dev drew in a deep breath as he entered into the room. “Toby,” he simply says.

“Come here,” Toby crossed the room and threw his arms around Dev, “you will never know how much I’ve missed you.”

“And I you – sorry,”

“Don’t be you had to work it through.”

“It was Doug who made me understand,”

“No more, say no more you are back and that is all that matters.”

“To stay if you will have me,” Dev says.

“Have you? I have thought of nothing else over the past two weeks.”

“I happened to meet Doug in town; he was down for a few days staying at the Victoria Hotel.”

“Would you like to go out and celebrate?” Toby offers without commenting on the meeting of Dev and Douglas.

“I would rather stay in with you.”

“How about an early night?”

“Yes I would like that,” Dev admits.

During the following week there was much to discuss and arrange and with Dev’s blessing, tickets were purchased for the following month on the Cloncurry, an iron screw mail steamer of over two thousand tons and as Toby was quick to enforce quite new and presentable.

It was over breakfast while assessing their need for such a long journey when a notion came to Dev.

“What of Mr. Hubbard?” he asked.

“He will be coming with us,”

“Will he like England?”

“Hubbard is originally from Hythe in Kent.”

“Is that near London?”

Toby laughs, “On the scale of it all, everywhere in England is near London, Hythe is south of London on the coast.”

Dev was somewhat confused as he was mentally transferring the vastness of Victoria and the southern continent to an imaginary map of England without much success.

“What is bothering you Dev?”

“I am trying to picture England, as I’ve always imagined it to be very big.”

“What do you know about England?” Toby asks while playing with Dev’s imagination.

“Only what we learned at school and a little more from new chums,”

“Go on share it with me.” Toby suggests as Hubbard enters the breakfast room and hearing part of the conversation he releases a titter.

“It is alright for you Mr. Hubbard you are from England,”

“True and a finer place on god’s earth there never was,” Hubbard admits as he clears the table.

“Go on Dev tell us what you know,” Toby encourages.

“You are teasing me,” Dev complains.

“Only a little but humour me.”

“Then I will allow your humour to continue; in the most it is always cold and raining, the capital city is London and people who live there never see the sun and the English are always fighting wars, while Queen Victoria sits on a golden throne and tells everyone what to do.”

“Umm,” Hubbard responds.

“What?” Dev retorts.

“He is almost correct would you say Mr. Nevis,” Hubbard suggests.

“In the main,” Toby laughs.

“How far is Devon from London?” Dev asks.

“About the same distance as from Melbourne to Echuca,” Toby offers.

“I think I will ask no more and see what I find on arrival,” Dev concludes.

During the following afternoon a stranger came to the house and after showing Hubbard his credentials was introduced to Toby as Sir Desmond Gleeson and without instruction Dev departed their company. After some time both Toby and Gleeson came from the room, Gleeson appearing most satisfied with himself.

“Would you do afternoon tea please Hubbard,” Toby instructed and commenced to give the stranger a tour of the premises.

“It is in sound condition,” Toby assures.

“Yes Mr. Nevis, I have been here a number of times before as gest to your father but in the most some years previous.”

“I don’t recall,”

“No you would have been but a child I should think and if I’m not mistaken living with your sister in the country.”

“So you have business here in Melbourne?” Toby asks.

“Yes it is a family affair, I am here to arrange shipments of wool to our mills back in Lincolnshire and if possible set up a local mill and oversee wool exports back to our mills.”

By evening Mr. Gleeson appeared well satisfied with the soundness of the property and arranged to take possession the following week, the day after Dev and Toby’s departure.

“What of the furnishings?” Toby asks.

“I have a letter from your father; the furnishings will be part of the purchase.”

“Yes father has advised me so but I do have a request,”

“That would be Mr. Nevis?”

“What you don’t need, could you pass on to a church group my mother is connected with.”

“Yes I should think it will be most, as I have a shipment of my own coming out from England with my family. What about your extensive library?”

“That has been arranged, the carters are coming to box up the books early next week for shipment back to my parents in England. Will you stay for dinner Mr. Gleeson,” Toby offered.

“That would be most hospitable of you Tobias; may I call you so?”

“Toby is usual but I do answer to Tobias. Have you known father long?”

“We came out on the same ship late in the gold days but neither had much success, your father stayed and added to the family’s fortune and I returned home to manage a family mill.”

“But you say you remember me as a child,”

“Yes I returned for two years much later and did visit your sister Veronica and her husband at some village called Echuca. I did meet you there.”

“I don’t remember so Mr. Gleeson.”

“What will you do now that your father has sold the property?” Gleeson asks.

“I was always but the caretaker, I do have a small property up country and another in England, and I think I’ll return home for a while.”

“When were you last in England?” Gleeson asks.

“It was when I was but eleven,”

“You will find many changes in London and the home counties.”

“I suppose so but I won’t be in London for long.”

The weekend came quickly and with only four days before departure Dev became concerned. He had already resigned from his work and bought new travelling clothes but came to the realisation he had not arranged to see Douglas before departure.

“What appears to be bothering you Dev, I hope you are not having second thoughts,” Toby asked as he commenced to pack what would not be needed during the voyage.

“I have just realised I won’t have time to see Doug before leaving.”

“Fortunately my friend I think ahead,” Toby says as he places three new suits of clothing onto the bed.”

“What do you mean?”

“I forgot to ask Mr. Gleeson about the latest fashions, as here in the colonies we are usually a season behind those of London and Europe.”

Dev remained centred on his dilemma, “I repeat what is meant by fortunately you think ahead?”

“I should get you some new clothes as well,” Toby suggests.

“I bought some last week,”

“Yes but you will need warm clothing in England, as it will be winter when we arrive.”

“You haven’t answered my question.”

“I hope you don’t mind the cold as there will be snow in Devon.”

“Toby you are playing with me,” Dev growls.

“I have asked your friend Douglas to come and stay with us here until we leave, he should be arriving this afternoon.”

“Toby I could kiss you.” Dev laughs.

“Go ahead and more if you like, I’m in the right mood.”

Dev waited impatiently for his friend’s arrival and with much delight they were reunited by dinner that night after which Toby left them to reminisce in private.

“So you are leaving us,” Jones says.

“It appears so,”

“Are you excited?”

“More apprehensive than excited, what about you Doug, what are your aspirations?”

“You were always one for funny words,” Jones says.

“What are your hopes and future dreams?”

Jones thought for a moment, “I would say to get from this point in life until my demise with a measure of comfort and little discomfort.”

“What about having someone to -,” Dev paused unable to put his question into genteel language.

“To what Dev?” Jones asks knowing well his friends implication.

“I suppose to lie beside at night,”

“You mean fuck?”

“If you put it that way then yes but when I think of Toby and myself, I can’t use street.”

“That is a fair enough reason and a fair enough question. I told you when I took on the job at Koo Wee Rup I had put my sex life behind and meant so. I now have a simple life working for a family who treats me as if I were their son and am more than happy with my lot.”

At that moment Toby returns to the room, “anyone want a beer?”

“That will be nice Toby,” Dev agrees.

“I’ll have Hubbard bring it then I must be off, as I have business to attend to in town, I’ll see you in the morning Douglas.”

“Is Hubbard a servant?” Jones asks once Toby had departed.

“I would say he has been more Toby’s surrogate father than a servant.”

“There you go again using words bigger than you are,”

“It is a word Toby uses to explain their relationship; I guess it translates to replacement.”

“Replacement huh,”

“In place of,”

“I do know what it means and I have another surprise for you,”

“Two surprises in one day,” Dev laughs.

“I’ve arranged to meet up with Luck and Fisk but being Sunday no pubs will be open so we are to meet by the river near Princes Bridge.”

“How did you manage that?”

“With difficulty I assure you.”

Sunday arrived bright and warm with many enjoying the walking paths along the river, while the traffic on the city bridges was heavy, as folk travelled to the seaside villages of St. Kilda, Brighton and beyond along Fish Track for an outing or picnic.

Dev and Jones had arrived early at Boat-shed row on the river’s south bank for the final meeting of the once called Smith-street Push and were quietly seated watching Melbourne Grammar in practice with Melbourne University for that year’s regatta, when Fisk arrived from across the bridge.

“You made it then?” Jones calls as Fisk approaches.

“Obviously,”

“Where’s Luck?” Jones asks.

“He can’t make it?”

“Why not?”

“He didn’t say; only to give his regards to Dev and next time they meet, Dev will probably sound like a Limey.”

“Well I guess this will be the last meeting of the push, albeit limited,” Dev suggests.

Fisk gives a long sigh.

“Without the leadership of Marcus,” Dev says.

“Poor Marcus what a way to go and who would have thought it would have been Hadley,” Fisk laments.

“I’m afraid to say he was always heading for calamity,” Dev admits of their departed friend.

“Calamity!” both Jones and Fisk repeat in unison.

“Yes calamity,”

“You and your big words, it’s as well you are going to England, as you will need them there,” Fisk laughs.

“Yes poor Marcus but we were never much of a push were we?” Jones admits.

“What we were was a loose band of poverty stricken half starved pick-pockets,” Fisk agrees.

“Could either of you knife someone if push came to shove?” Jones asks.

“I guess not,” Dev answers.

“Nor I,” Jones agrees.

“I hear young Joseph Clark has left for Adelaide,” Fisk shares.

“Clark was never a real member,” Jones says.

“He was too young but good at picking pockets,” Dev admits, “what about your fishing?” he asks Fisk.

“It keeps me fed but I’m thinking of getting my own boat.”

“What does your Uncle Ben think of that?”

“I haven’t told him.”

“I was thinking of Bryce and how he was done in and who would have thought it was Hadley,” Dev recollects with a measure of remorse while remembering his meetings with Bryce and his offer of work.

“Yes it was proven Hadley got poor old Marcus but did he do Bryce?” Fisk asks.

“The police believe so but can’t prove it,” Dev shares.

“Hadley almost got you I hear,” says Fisk.

“Almost but here I am,” Dev gives a shudder of memory of that night by the river and with the recollection came the faint scent of burning gunpowder. Now whenever cracker night was near he would be transported to that night and what the outcome may have been, the police were but two seconds slower in arriving.

During the late afternoon Fisk departed company and made his way across Princes Bridge, while both silently watched after him until he was lost within the crowd.

“We should also be going,” Dev suggests as the last of the rowers drag their shells from the water. He smiles as Jones’s eyes appear to be on a young fellow wearing very little and displaying much.

“You still show interest Doug,”

“Only looking, you don’t loose the urge you know but a quick hand soon takes that away. I believe young men are like elephants.”

“Why elephants?” Dev laughs at the absurdity of his friend’s adage.

“They are nice to look at but I wouldn’t want to own one,”

“Witty but have you seen an elephant?”

“Only at Wirth’s Circus, I think you can get the gist of it.”

“Yes I like your adage.”

Two days before departure Dev had the urge to visit the home where he had resided for most of his conscious life and after all was packed and their trunks already transported to the docks, there was little more to do than meditate on past times and imagine what the future would bring. During the afternoon Dev caught a cab to Little Victoria Street in Collingwood. Requesting the cab driver to wait and with mixed emotions he quietly approached the cottage, pausing for a moment on the pavement, half expecting the neighbour’s dog to challenge him and could picture its snarling disposition and the words from Ilene, Jack one of these days the dog will come right through the fence and have your leg off. He gives a huff and a smile.

On reaching the door Dev noticed furnishings blocking his way, being obvious whoever took tenancy after Jack and Douglas departed didn’t last very long. Approaching further he found the front door was wide.

“Anyone about?” he called.

No answer.

He called once more, his voice echoing around the emptiness only to return once again unanswered. Dev entered and a lifetime of memories flooded back. In his mind’s eye he saw his mother busy over the wood range he saw Jack seated at the table reading last weeks news, he also saw his past poverty in a light he had never before realise. Yet they were happy days even if a rumbling belly took up most of his time.

He remembered how proud he had been while returning with a stolen hen for the pot, or a few potatoes.

He remembered his mother’s stews and how rich they tasted with little content. Ilene’s request for onions was also there. He smiled, “I can now give you as many onions as you could wish for,” He loudly announced.

He remembered Jack’s abuse without disgust as it had made him feel wanted.

He remembered much more but with such thoughts came a voice that shook him from his dreaming.

“Young man what are you doing in here?”

Dev turned about, “Mrs Fraser,”

“I have been asked to keep an eye on the place by the Chinaman, who are you?”

“Don’t you recognise me Mrs. Fraser, it’s Dev- Devon Gooding, and does old Wang still own the house?”

“He does and most of the street on both sides; I hardly recognise you Devon you have grown and look prosperous.”

“Yes luck came to chance but I’m still a Collingwood boy.”

“I hear Jack bolted,”

“Yes he has gone to America,”

“As well the way he teased the dog he was fortunate I didn’t set Sally onto him.”

“How is Sally?”

“Died during the winter,”

“I apologise for Jack,”

“Never mind, how are you?”

“I am leaving for England the day after tomorrow.”

“I can’t stop talking I have a pot on the stove. Pull the door after you leave.”

“Yes I will, goodbye Mrs Fraser and say hello to Bert for me.”

“That I will lad, enjoy your travelling.”

With a sigh Dev closes the door and returns to his waiting cab.

“Where to now sir?” The cabby asks.

“Back to Jolimont thank you.”

“Right you are,”

Travel day with an early start. Most of the luggage had already been transported to the docks for loading but what remained was still too much for one cab. After a light breakfast it was time to depart. Hubbard went ahead in the first cab with the remaining luggage while Toby fussed over securing the property. At first he couldn’t find the keys then paper to write a note for Mr. Gleeson.

“Leave it Toby, he will find his way. You can’t write down the hiding place of everything,” Dev encourages.

At last Toby was satisfied but at the side gate he paused. Dev allowed him quiet for reflection. After a short time Toby turned away, “we better get a move on,” he suggests.

“The closing of a chapter,” Dev says.

“Not in the least, it was a chapter I never really opened. I never felt as if I belonged to the house.”

Toby closes the side gate. “Well,” he says.

“Well,” Dev repeats.

“Well our cab is waiting lets get on with the next exciting, as you say, chapter and one I really know I am more than pleased to open.”

After their lunch there was little left to do other than to on board and find their cabins. Toby had arranged two cabins, one for Hubbard and the other a double for him and Dev. Once settled into their cabin Toby took a deep breath and approached Dev.

“This is it,” Toby says.

“Any regrets?” he continues.

“No; none whatsoever,”

“Are you looking forward to the trip?’

“Very much but I warn you I do get seasick.”

“When were you at sea?” Toby asks.

“It was on the bay fishing with Fisk and his uncle Ben.”

Toby laughs and shakes his head.

“What’s got your funny Toby?”

“You Dev, if you are sick on the bay, you are in for a real stomach upset while going around the cape.”

“What is the cape?”

“South Africa but in the days before steam it would be with the prevailing wind and around the bottom of South America. Out bound in the most would be around South Africa and the Cape of Good Hope, while homeward would be around South America and Cape Horn.”

“Sick or not, I’m looking forward for the trip.”

The ship then sounds a long blast on its horn.

“Come on that was the half hour warning, let’s go up on deck and watch as we depart and wave our last goodbye to Melbourne and the colony.

“Last Toby?” Dev asks.

“Last for a while but who knows we are free spirits and we can travel anywhere our hearts desire but I’m sure there is enough colonial spirit in us both to revisit at a later time.”

The two reached the deck as the afternoon sun commenced to sink behind the city, giving the buildings a fresh appearance. There was a slight sea breeze that whipped up dust along the peer making a group of women who had come to say goodbye to travellers, hold onto their long skirts and turn away from the flurry of grit. A final sounding of the ships horn and the Cloncurry was moving and was soon leaving Melbourne behind. Dev joyfully waved to the crowd on the dock, they waved back and he laughed.

“So this is it,” he says.

“Sure is,”

“Any regrets?”

“You have already asked me that?”

“I ask again,”

“No Toby, no regrets and as long as I’m with you I will go anywhere.”

“I like that.” Toby gives Dev a gentle shake to Dev’s shoulder, “come on we should finish arranging the cabin and come up later to watch the sailing through the heads.

“Never say never;” Devon quietly says as they move away.

“What was that?” Toby asks.

“Never say never – it was what a mate’s uncle once said to me when I declared I’d never again go to sea after a day’s fishing on the bay.”

“Yet here you are and by all accounts happy with it,”

“Yes Toby; most happy,”

THE END

Gary’s stories are about life for gay men in Australia’s past and present. Your emails to him are the only payment he receives. Email Gary to let him know you are reading: Gary dot Conder at CastleRoland dot Net

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